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I think that a woman can definitely be a catch at 34 or any other age, jessie.
Your lack of experience in long term relationships is actually an advantage, because most people have had some tremendous emotional catastrophes until they reach that age or have taken some wrong decisions in what concerns partners and have some long term consequences to deal with in their lives. Lucky for you and your future partner, you don't have this kind of drama in your life and you have total freedom and availability to fully dedicate yourself to the love relationship you'll choose, and there are many men out there who would appreciate someone like you and all the qualities you have.
What's not to like about you? You've got a nice physique and personality, have a career and you're ready to give and receive love. Maybe you've had a bad experience with online dating because you tried the wrong sites, but people who are a bit more selective like you, tend to have a better experience on dating sites like eharmony. These sites cost more money apparently, but you can find more people of good quality and there are more success stories.
If you have some kind of hobby, that is another good way to meet people you have something in common with, or just taking up some kind of activity that you could be interested in. You might discover that you like it and want to continue, or that it's not your thing and that you'd like to try something else. You just have to have a bit of initiative, be open to experimenting a little, and new people will start entering your life, and some of them could be potential friends, males or females, or romantic partners.
Relationships aren't easy, they mean a lot of hard work, heartbreaks and disappointments too, so don't idealize them. Enjoy what you have in your life, because you have a lot, your peace of mind, freedom and success, and just look for ways to bring more joy and new interests, and you'll also start meeting the right people and little by little start building a social life.
Be patient with yourself and give yourself time to adapt to this new period in your life, don't build big expectations or hope for immediate results, just take it as a self-discovery journey and personal learning. There are many people that need friends and meeting someone special, and they would appreciate a person like you, just take little steps towards introducing new elements in your life and enriching yourself as a person. The rest will fall in its place on its own.
Last edited by BlazingStars; 06-05-2015 at 07:45 AM..
Oh, I know a woman who certainly did become a catch. When I first met her at college, she was a rather plain dumpy conservatively dressed young lady. Then she lost weight. Her waist went to a rather nice small size, but her boobs stayed the same, and what a figure, then she put it in a dress with a mid calf hem, a tight fit, with some cleavage. What a package she turned into. Add her blonde hair and she turned heads all over campus.
Weight loss makes a huge difference. My wife has always been an attractive woman but gained some weight in the last 6-7 years. Recently, she lost about 60lbs and now has a beautiful figure and gets hit on by guys all the time. She is 44 but looks about 35; dresses up nicely which she didn't do when she was heavier; and carries herself with a great confidence again. She tells me she forgot how good it felt to get attention from people both male and female. Of course I always loved her but she says she feels she turned invisible when she gained weight.
Here's an experience I just had with a man. I posted about my job hunt struggle on FB,and this guy who last year wanted to take me out is now bombarding me with messages saying "I want to help you find a job." He asked me out last year and I said no. He then said ok well lets talk on the phone anyway. I said no. He has posted crazy stuff about his divorce with domestic violence issues. I had a bad feeling about him. I forgot to say he is a HS classmate who I don't even remember. This is my experience with being pursued. I am so stressed out now after this interaction. I don't need the help of someone who is not educated and doesn't even understand my degree. I'm open to suggestions, but does he think he can do better than my advisor or career counselor? This has pissed me off so bad. I will tell him off if he responds again. Ok, Rant over. I want to address some of the other comments on this post but I need to take a deep breath. I'm just going to keep going. I don't like all this emotional drama. I don't care about losing weight, I think I'm fine like I am. I'm starting Grad school soon which might be stressful, or at the very least time consuming. I want a social life and need to make that a priority. I like the ideas of joining a local meetup group. I'm going to a charity event next week which should have people my age. I do make relationships out to be a big deal simply because I haven't had one. As for all of the comments about my lackluster looks, that's not something I can or will do much about. Plenty of ugly women get asked out too, which is why I asked in the first place. I am not ugly nor the most beautiful woman in the world. I also think Luck plays a part. I can't earn a relationship and I can't beat myself up if it doesn't happen. To those who think I look old and my clothes look like a rag bag collection, thanks a heap, really encouraging. I am very friendly and will talk to anyone, but I still don't get asked out. Now, maybe those men are married, or I'm not their type. I'm really exhausted so I will try to update more later.
Here's an experience I just had with a man, which might explain why I hesitate. I posted about my job hunt struggle on FB,and this guy who last year wanted to take me out is now bombarding me with messages saying "I want to help you find a job." He asked me out last year and I said no. He then said ok well lets talk on the phone anyway. I said no. He has posted crazy stuff about his divorce with domestic violence issues. I had a bad feeling about him. I forgot to say he is a HS classmate who I don't even remember. This is my experience with being pursued. I am so stressed out now after this interaction. I don't need the help of someone who is not educated and doesn't even understand my degree. I'm open to suggestions, but does he think he can do better than my advisor or career counselor? This has pissed me off so bad. I will tell him off if he responds again. Ok, Rant over. I want to address some of the other comments on this post but I need to take a deep breath. I'm just going to keep going. I don't like all this emotional drama. I don't care about losing weight, I think I'm fine like I am. I'm starting Grad school soon which might be stressful, or at the very least time consuming. I want a social life and need to make that a priority. I like the ideas of joining a local meetup group. I'm going to a charity event next week which should have people my age. I do make relationships out to be a big deal simply because I haven't had one.
Just un friend the creepy Facebook guy. You are not responsible for him and he is bringing you down.
Grad school might be good for your social life. I know a lot of people who had tight-knit grad school classes with lots of social interaction and continued relationships through life (not me, I went to grad school online!)
You don't particularly look like you need to lose weight, I don't know why people glommed onto that.
To answer your original question, I've always felt that I do not come across as a 'catch'. I think my looks are average, and very few people (besides my parents) have made much of an effort to convince me otherwise. My own husband admitted that I am not really his 'type' (he is now married to his 'type' and more power to her!) I've dated guys who said I was beautiful but who knows how sincere they were?
Now that I'm older, my perceptions of my looks don't impact my self esteem too much. Most days, I focus on treating people well, doing my best to be a good friend, living in the moment etc. I'm not going through my day thinking my life would be better if I were prettier. I know i'm a good moral person and I have a lot to offer people in general as well as a significant other. I'm in decent shape, respectable job, hobbies and community interests. I'm an introvert so i do have trouble making close friends, but then again, I'm an introvert so I don't need a lot of close friends.
Would I be more of a catch if I spent more time on hair/makeup/manicures/wardrobe? Maybe??? But that does not really come naturally to me.
But look around...just people watch...I see couples all the time that appear to be happy together yet you would not consider them a catch! Yet they caught someone! I tend to assume I just have not met the right guy yet.
I think to be perceived as a catch, your personality is the most important part. You need to flirt, make other people feel valued, like they are lucky to be with you, and IMHO that feeling is what people are looking for.
Stagemomma I love every single word you said. I am really worried about my safety now. He knew that I was vulnerable and thought he could push me around. I've never blocked anyone on facebook before. I am not an introvert but my friend was trying to explain it, it sounds like she can only be around someone for so long, best friend, family, doesn't matter. I love people watching. Thank for chiming in.
I like your dress in the photo...but one thing that I noticed was it appears that you have a decent sized perspiration stain on the dress under your arm. Or is that a shadow?
Not judging at all but if you tend to perspire a lot...try to wear clothes that won't show it so easily.
Sure you can blossom into any type of woman that you want to be...stay true to yourself though.
Being hit on and being a "catch" (presumably you mean "wife material") are not the same thing. My older sister was a Barbie doll when younger - blond, long legs, big boobs, beautiful face - and she got hit on a lot. But guys just wanted to sleep with her (which she was wise to), and even those she dated were not interested in anything too serious. No one wanted to marry her. They saw her as hot and fun, but apparantly not "wife material".
I've seen many homely to average pretty women get snatched up for reasons unknown to me. I am thinking the non-threatening aspect of their mediocrity must be it.
I really didn't care the my pits were showing, but I didn't like it being pointed out, made me feel self conscious. I do need to practice my posing, I even watched a youtube video about it. I've tried dozens of deodorants and they either make me stink or I sweat. The sweat is probably a reaction to the material in the clothes or the deodorant. You are right orangeapple and I don't want to just get hit on, but at the same time it would be nice to receive some attention from men. I blocked the guy and it said he wouldn't be able to message me, but his messages are still there.
Here's an experience I just had with a man. I posted about my job hunt struggle on FB,and this guy who last year wanted to take me out is now bombarding me with messages saying "I want to help you find a job." He asked me out last year and I said no. He then said ok well lets talk on the phone anyway. I said no. He has posted crazy stuff about his divorce with domestic violence issues. I had a bad feeling about him. I forgot to say he is a HS classmate who I don't even remember. This is my experience with being pursued. I am so stressed out now after this interaction. I don't need the help of someone who is not educated and doesn't even understand my degree. I'm open to suggestions, but does he think he can do better than my advisor or career counselor? This has pissed me off so bad. I will tell him off if he responds again. Ok, Rant over. I want to address some of the other comments on this post but I need to take a deep breath. I'm just going to keep going. I don't like all this emotional drama. I don't care about losing weight, I think I'm fine like I am. I'm starting Grad school soon which might be stressful, or at the very least time consuming. I want a social life and need to make that a priority. I like the ideas of joining a local meetup group. I'm going to a charity event next week which should have people my age. I do make relationships out to be a big deal simply because I haven't had one. As for all of the comments about my lackluster looks, that's not something I can or will do much about. Plenty of ugly women get asked out too, which is why I asked in the first place. I am not ugly nor the most beautiful woman in the world. I also think Luck plays a part. I can't earn a relationship and I can't beat myself up if it doesn't happen. To those who think I look old and my clothes look like a rag bag collection, thanks a heap, really encouraging. I am very friendly and will talk to anyone, but I still don't get asked out. Now, maybe those men are married, or I'm not their type. I'm really exhausted so I will try to update more later.
Stagemomma I love every single word you said. I am really worried about my safety now. He knew that I was vulnerable and thought he could push me around. I've never blocked anyone on facebook before. I am not an introvert but my friend was trying to explain it, it sounds like she can only be around someone for so long, best friend, family, doesn't matter. I love people watching. Thank for chiming in.
I wouldn't worry about it. If you unfriend someone, they don't get an announcement or anything. Sometimes they don't even notice when you drop off their newsfeed. He could probably still get in touch with you (Unfriending is not the same as blocking) he just wouldn't be so tuned in to your personal business. If he messages you, just hit delete! You might want to do a full review of your Facebook privacy settings. You might be surprised at what personal info is flapping in the breeze.
LoL re: your sweat marks. It's a cute dress and a cute pic...I wouldn't toss it out just because you're sweaty! It happens to all of us. I do Toddler Storytime 2x per week, and I get very hot and sweaty. When I raise my arms up to lead songs, I have to do so with the full knowledge that I am working for a positive purpose and that early childhood literacy is more important than what anyone thinks of my sweaty pits.
You could try a different antiperspirant, or use Picasa to touch up the photo, or experiment with different poses so your pits would not be exposed, but hey, we're all human!
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