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Well first I would stop throwing yourself a pity party. It hurts, I know. But your post made me roll my eyes. I understand that you are SO great and that "all the good ones are taken", I really do. You had a break up, it happens and it's sad.
seriously hell yes...there are plenty of men out there and at your age not all of them have been through a marriage yet, so less baggage, and you get to be the first to suck the joy from their lives (I kid about the joy sucking)
I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years. 8 freaking long years, and the relationship has gone nowhere. I am now newly single, and I'm scared to death of the dating scene - to make matters worse, I am located in NYC which I hear is horrible for dating.
I'm 31 years old and not only do I feel broken after spending so much time in a dead-end relationship, but I am also very shy. I can't imagine approaching and talking to men. I have been told I look like Jenna Fischer (aka Pam from The Office) but I don't find myself very attractive. I have some personality traits that may be attractive to men - for example, I am an avid comic book reader and I like to play video games. I also like to split expenses evenly with men because I think it's sexist to expect the man to pay for everything... that's cool, right?
Anyway, based on the horror stories of creeps and pervs my single female friends tell me, it seems like there are no good single men left in my age group. I can't say if I have high standards in a mate... I want a guy who is nice to me and isn't afraid of commitment like my last boyfriend. I like to eat healthy and exercise, so I'd prefer a man who wasn't obese and/or a fast food addict. I'm pro-choice and pro-gay rights, so a conservative catholic is out of the question. The guy must like dogs since they are my favorite thing. I am open to all races and will date guys shorter than my 5'8 self (most of my boyfriends were).
Is all hope lost, or is there a silver lining in the cloud someone can give me?
Depends, how long is your checklist?
your odds are 300% better than a man in your exact situation.
I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years. 8 freaking long years, and the relationship has gone nowhere. I am now newly single, and I'm scared to death of the dating scene - to make matters worse, I am located in NYC which I hear is horrible for dating.
I'm 31 years old and not only do I feel broken after spending so much time in a dead-end relationship, but I am also very shy. I can't imagine approaching and talking to men. I have been told I look like Jenna Fischer (aka Pam from The Office) but I don't find myself very attractive. I have some personality traits that may be attractive to men - for example, I am an avid comic book reader and I like to play video games. I also like to split expenses evenly with men because I think it's sexist to expect the man to pay for everything... that's cool, right?
Anyway, based on the horror stories of creeps and pervs my single female friends tell me, it seems like there are no good single men left in my age group. I can't say if I have high standards in a mate... I want a guy who is nice to me and isn't afraid of commitment like my last boyfriend. I like to eat healthy and exercise, so I'd prefer a man who wasn't obese and/or a fast food addict. I'm pro-choice and pro-gay rights, so a conservative catholic is out of the question. The guy must like dogs since they are my favorite thing. I am open to all races and will date guys shorter than my 5'8 self (most of my boyfriends were).
Is all hope lost, or is there a silver lining in the cloud someone can give me?
First off, hobbies aren't personality traits. We still don't know anything about your personality, except that you're getting over a breakup, and you're shy. But you're heading into a mid-30's age group, and that's not a comic book age group. Comics and video games are more of a teen thing that bleeds into the 20's, but by mid-30's, a lot of dudes have moved on, just sayin. Try some new stuff to find some new hobbies, so you can appeal to a wider group. Comics and video games is a narrow niche, and a shrinking one, for people heading into the 30's.
We're not all creeps and pervs. If you're not confident, or have a negative vibe, you're gonna turn off the types of guys you're looking for. The earlier suggestion to meet dudes by getting involved in activities, classes, workshops, whatever, could help give you confidence and help you see there's a lot more out there than creeps and pervs.
First off, hobbies aren't personality traits. We still don't know anything about your personality, except that you're getting over a breakup, and you're shy. But you're heading into a mid-30's age group, and that's not a comic book age group. Comics and video games are more of a teen thing that bleeds into the 20's, but by mid-30's, a lot of dudes have moved on, just sayin. Try some new stuff to find some new hobbies, so you can appeal to a wider group. Comics and video games is a narrow niche, and a shrinking one, for people heading into the 30's.
We're not all creeps and pervs. If you're not confident, or have a negative vibe, you're gonna turn off the types of guys you're looking for. The earlier suggestion to meet dudes by getting involved in activities, classes, workshops, whatever, could help give you confidence and help you see there's a lot more out there than creeps and pervs.
actually the median age for both those hobbies is around 35, and slowly getting older.
mostly because of cost, both hobbies aren't cheap anymore.
First off, hobbies aren't personality traits. We still don't know anything about your personality, except that you're getting over a breakup, and you're shy. But you're heading into a mid-30's age group, and that's not a comic book age group. Comics and video games are more of a teen thing that bleeds into the 20's, but by mid-30's, a lot of dudes have moved on, just sayin. Try some new stuff to find some new hobbies, so you can appeal to a wider group. Comics and video games is a narrow niche, and a shrinking one, for people heading into the 30's.
We're not all creeps and pervs. If you're not confident, or have a negative vibe, you're gonna turn off the types of guys you're looking for. The earlier suggestion to meet dudes by getting involved in activities, classes, workshops, whatever, could help give you confidence and help you see there's a lot more out there than creeps and pervs.
Oh pssh. I'm in my 30's and I play video games, and even stated this in my dating profile. I lost count how many men in their mid 30's to early 40's responded to my mention of video games, cosplay and comics. These weren't "live in my parents' basement with no job or other prospects" men. These men were working professionals usually in a tech/STEM field. These men were ecstatic to find a woman that is into video games, though most didn't mention this hobby in their profile for fear of baseless assumptions and negative attitudes.
OP, you shouldn't have a problem at all. I was in and out of the dating scene for two and a half years and had mostly very positive experiences. I met dozens of men, very few were pervs or creepers, some are what I'd consider "interesting." There were definite duds, but that's to be expected. Three relationships started as a result of OKC with my last leading to marriage. I casually dated a number of others here and there.
Look into OKC and browse local profiles to get an idea what matches are in your area. It's not so scary once you just go for it. I joined OLD sites after having been married for 10 years. The dating culture I found myself in was very different from what I remembered. Good luck and have fun.
P.S., my husband is in his late 30's and is also a comic nerd and plays video games. However, this was a demographic I set out to attract, and there was no shortage of said men in my area.
I agree it's probably not the best time to start dating now that you're in this funk.
When you get over that, yes, it should not be too hard to find someone but it will take persistence and patience.
You will also have to realize some hard truths. You've been with a boyfriend for 8 years, so you are no longer 23. Repeat that: you are no longer 23. Thus you cannot date like you are 23. It's a HUGE difference, dating in your 30s vs. your 20s, for both men and women. You have to adjust your expectations, your behavior and a lot more. It was hard for me. The dating pool is different, people are in different stages in their life. Kids can be in the picture, they are more set in their ways. Finances are in the picture. Etc., etc...
My number one advice to men AND women getting back into the dating game is to get into the gym and workout hard. That will not only help you look better, but it will help you walk and act with more confidence when you're being healthy, which is a really big part of attraction. If you let yourself go it will be doubly hard to date.
For the record, I'm 32 and I love comic books, so that would be really endearing to me.
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