How do you know if someone means it when they say they love you?
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Ugh, I don't want to be like that- judging someone to be not good enough. He says so many romantic things and yet I don't see romantic actions. I do think it's great the help around this old house, and I tell him over and over how much I appreciate it. You may have a point. But when does it become having standards and when is it being a judgmental b*tch?
In my opinion, you're not being critical or judgmental in the least. You're concerned about a man you're with never planning or paying for dates AND his shabby work history. You want a partner and balance. You said that he helps you with your car and lawn, and I'm sure you do things for him, too. That's part of being in a relationship. And so is the man planning and paying for dates at least half the time AND working a job to build a real life with you.
There's nothing wrong with you being concerned about these things. The job issue is a major, and the lack of romance (date planning) may be a "side effect" due to lack of money. All important things that shouldn't be minimalized.
My definition of love is to be unselfish - to give up something that you want or need because someone you love wants or needs it more. I will give up my free time/happiness by working extra to pay for some of our dates so you are able to pay off your credit card debt sooner than later and so you don't have to pay your rent late. If he takes more than he gives and acts like it's ok because you can handle it he does not love you because to him your needs come second. I think men are just selfish compared to women and only become less selfish when they love somebody. It does not matter what else they do or say. Does he help you around the house only when it's convenient for him or only when he thinks something needs done instead of asking you? Then your needs come second.
"I love you" only requires the desire to love someone.
They may not always love you in the way you desire it.
If you dont feel loved, you already have your answer to what "you" should do wih the relationship.
It isnt working out, regardless of why...You are just not feeling it.
No one is to blame for that, you both play your own parts.
If you want to be loved you have to be willing to accept it and not chastise for "not getting it how you want it" or keeping score on every single little action taken by your partner.
The second you start doing this Is a pretty big sign you do not have a "loving" relationship, you're both actively working against they other.
Last edited by rego00123; 06-07-2015 at 01:56 AM..
I'm not "bent" more so over the lack of value he places on work. I just want to be loved, to feel loved. Anytime he is at my house he works on it, there is always at least something small that needs work. (It's an old house) so he's always helping that way. I don't feel loved because I feel he is not understanding of me while I have been understanding of his work. I don't really agree with it. I feel a man should work full time, unless he's already made enough money to be comfortable not doing so. But I have been understanding, we all have had jobs we don't like. But I am resentful because he doesn't try to understand where I am coming from if he doesn't agree with my way of handling things. That makes me feel not loved. (I was able to figure out the issue overnight.) If you love someone, within reason, you accept them for who they are, even if they are not perfect. Nobody is.
Well, working full time has nothing to do with his love for you. That is a whole 'nother issue.
You need to read the Five Languages of Love by Gary Chapman. Then decide about love.
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