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Old 06-11-2015, 08:41 AM
 
132 posts, read 180,798 times
Reputation: 144

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WHy do you go a few days without talking?
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Old 06-11-2015, 08:51 AM
 
Location: Kingstowne, VA
2,401 posts, read 3,634,452 times
Reputation: 2931
You know what, OP? Ive done the same thing. What you did to try to fimd the truth was neither crazy, abnormal, nor extreme. You did what you had to do because your girlfriend is lying and you cant trust her. Thats a shame.

In my early 20s, I was with a guy who lived further away. I suspected that he was cheatong and cavorting with another girl on Facebook. So I made me a dummy account, too, that she accepted the friend request. I added her on AIM instant messaging. I evn kept up with the guy's online forum posts on another website yhey both knew each other on. I made a fake account for that site, too, and a fake AIM account and lured him in to see if he would talk to another woman.

Do you know that I was right the whole time, OP? mhmmmmm mmmhmmmmm caught him! Let me tell you what happendd.

He pmd my fake profile and was flirting, but I (fake person) was acting uninterested. People will twll strangers the truth, listen. I (fake profile) asked him if he had a girlfriend. Do you know that he said we broke up while real me still was in a relationship with him! THEN he said theres a woman he was trying to bang - this was the girl he was talking to (supposedly innocently) on Facebook! Uh huh, see!

When people are untrustworthy and put you in the position to temporarily be a CIA operative, its time to cut loose rather tham be insecure and expending energy being obsessed with catching them in the lie. It takes time out of your life. Spend your time better and cut contact. As another poster said, shes seeing this guy its painfully obvious. Sorry.

What a relief also to know, though, than carrying the burden of suspicion and insecurity. Now you should feel as free as a bird to act on that knowledge. Meet a good, honest, loyal woman.
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Old 06-11-2015, 09:00 AM
 
Location: Atlanta
1,034 posts, read 1,334,356 times
Reputation: 1644
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr_ink View Post
I know I'm being insecure but how would you deal with some guy adding your gf on Facebook, liking her pics and probably messaging her to meet up? the guy lives in the same neighborhood, they used to work for the same company. I can't pretend it doesn't bother me because it does.
I don't know where to begin. The good news is your not alone. I have a ton a platonic Gf's that have BF's like you...and believe me your ilk is no fun to try to deal with. I am gay as a 3 dollar bill and even after they tell their BF's that ,most think that is a "cover" and we are having this hot torrid affair.

I am series and not trying to hurt your feelings, but I do suggest some therapy and good dose and self esteem never hurt anyone. And for the love a Jaysus stay off Facebook!
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Old 06-11-2015, 10:16 AM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,445 posts, read 34,627,532 times
Reputation: 73575
My sister's BF once commented to her that I was ALWAYS on FB, as it shows me active whenever he's online. She told him she doubted that (I'm not), and it probably WWF (guilty) or that my phone app is running, which is the case. I've never tried, but I am not convinced you can accurately cyber-stalk someone and find out if they are always REALLY on FB at the same time.

You've gone to some great lengths just because your GF has a male friend on FB, with no other indications she is doing something wrong. You need to sit yourself down and get a grip.
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Old 06-11-2015, 11:10 AM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,126 posts, read 10,088,952 times
Reputation: 11796
Facebook is crap. If someone is a cheater, they're a cheater. Facebook has caused drama for me in past relationships and even in my current relationship, which is why I haven't logged into Facebook for weeks. What matters is what is happening in reality. It's no wonder you're paranoid and unhappy. I can't imagine going for days without talking to my SO. We talk every day. More than once. We never miss saying good morning and good night. What exactly is the reason for the lack of communication?
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Old 06-11-2015, 09:25 PM
 
11 posts, read 21,921 times
Reputation: 26
Lack of communication has resulted in lack of trust. I was always the one initiating conversation, she always replies within a reasonable time if not right away but she would never start a conversation. I'm also the one who's always planning and asking her out.

We've talked about this and she says that she's only had one serious boyfriend (it lasted 6 months) and she's not used to having someone become a part of her life, that I needed to give her time. So I did, and communication has somewhat increased as well as the time we spend together but I'm still the one who's making plans all the time. Not once she's said 'hey Im free let's hang out'.

We exchanged quite a few messages yesterday, we haven't seen each other in a week because she was travelling so I was just waiting for her to ask me out, since I'm always the one who takes the initiative I was curious to see if after a whole week she'd wanna make plans but she didn't so I had to ask if she had any plans for the rest of the week. She said she's going to a play on Thursday (today) but that she was free the rest of the weekend, she then asked me if I had any plans to which I said I had work to do but other than that I had no plans. This is what she replied:

"Cool. Let me Know if you end up with any free time over the weekend, maybe we can hang out"

We've been seeing each other for 8 months and been exclusive for almost 4. I think her response is just too vague and casual considering Im her boyfriend!

I understand she is also very independent, she's been living on her own for a long time and she has a really good job with a major corporation. I accept who she is; reserved, diplomatic, not showing a lot of emotion and I really appreciate that she seems to be trying to be in touch with me but it still not enough.

Today we didn't talk all day and it kills me. She went to see a play with her friend but she could have said hello at least. This is what makes me insecure. I dont text her because I dont wanna seem needy, I'm giving her time but honestly it is making me frustrated, I feel like I'm holding back on my feelings although I've made it very clear to her that I want our relationship to work and that I really like her. She introduced me to her group of friends, I'm the only boyfriend she's introduced to her friends so I see that as a really good sign but then the lack of communication makes me doubt her and on top of that there's this other guy with whom she may or may not be talking or even meeting up with and I have no way of finding out if this is true or not.

I know I've tried I just don't know if I should be more patient or just give up.

Last edited by Dr_ink; 06-11-2015 at 09:48 PM..
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Old 06-11-2015, 09:54 PM
 
Location: Henderson, NV
7,087 posts, read 8,609,998 times
Reputation: 9978
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletG View Post
I have tons of male friends on facebook...some even ex boyfriends...we even chat sometimes and like each others pictures. Hubby couldn't care less (and he is friends with women friends as well and I don't either).

This is really not healthy behavior.....you need to get yourself in order.
Uhh well glad it works for you! To me, your behavior is totally inappropriate just like the OP. You don't have exes as friends and you don't add other guys on Facebook. Just not cool.
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Old 06-11-2015, 10:00 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by JonathanLB View Post
Uhh well glad it works for you! To me, your behavior is totally inappropriate just like the OP. You don't have exes as friends and you don't add other guys on Facebook. Just not cool.
You think this because you aren't married. You don't understand it. It's not inappropriate just in and of itself.

I have many male friends and one ex on FB. My ex and I were 16 when we dated ... 30 years ago. It's fine.

The OP has a totally different problem.
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Old 06-11-2015, 10:06 PM
 
Location: Henderson, NV
7,087 posts, read 8,609,998 times
Reputation: 9978
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
You think this because you aren't married. You don't understand it. It's not inappropriate just in and of itself.

I have many male friends and one ex on FB. My ex and I were 16 when we dated ... 30 years ago. It's fine.

The OP has a totally different problem.
Right, I'm sure your relationship is way more secure than mine. Not! I've been with my girlfriend nearly 4 years. Having a piece of paper changes nothing. If you think that magically one day I would be ok with my girlfriend being friends with exes or the other way around, you're totally mistaken! Not going to happen ever. And if you think I would be ok with her chit chatting with dudes on Facebook you are again mistaken.

It seems a lot of people here cross a lot of lines on social media and seem to think it's fine. Fortunately it also sounds like bad behaving people are with other bad behaving people and at least nobody is hurt.
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Old 06-11-2015, 10:11 PM
 
5,413 posts, read 6,683,149 times
Reputation: 9351
Quote:
Originally Posted by JonathanLB View Post
Uhh well glad it works for you! To me, your behavior is totally inappropriate just like the OP. You don't have exes as friends and you don't add other guys on Facebook. Just not cool.
Sorry your that insecure and mistrusting....but really...I know of no woman on the planet that doesn't have male friends and, if she uses facebook, has them on there as well.

These exs are from over 20 years ago....hells bells you really think that I have to hate someone for that long? Heck..there is only about one ex I really dislike.

Do you really think so little of women that you think they can't make up their own minds whom to be friends with?
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