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I am dating someone in my social circle who I've know for around 8 months. We've been dating for the last 2 months. I think she's great...smart, funny, attractive. We get along well and there is lots of chemistry. I'm happy that I've been able to find someone.
Being in a relationship has brought some of my insecurities to the surface. Specifically, there's a couple areas where I could use some advice:
1. Different Priorities
I feel like I am fourth on her list of priorities behind work, family, and friends. She is first on my list.
2. I find myself seeking reassurance that things are going okay in the relationship
3. I wish we had more alone time together. Most of the time we spend together is in a group setting with mutual friends.
I haven't brought any of these topics up with her for fear of coming off as the needy boyfriend. Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated.
Give it some time. Two months (especially when you haven't spent much time alone together) is still a pretty fresh relationship. As time goes on, if she's still prioritizing everything else over time with you, there's an issue. But right now that's pretty normal. You're just getting to know eachothers "relationship" selves.
As the summer goes on, you can take the initiative to arrange more solo time with her. Say "Hey, what do you think about doing [xyz] sometime soon, just the two of us?" And then plan it. There are plenty of romantic things you can do together, outside of the group.
-Plan a picnic (think of all the details, like blanket to sit on, food to bring, what to bring it in, something you can do at the park like toss a Frisbee or play a portable board game or cards)
-A day at the beach/lake
-A hike / trip to a historical site (if you're in eastern PA, something like Hopewell Furnace and French Creek State Park)
-If you live near a city, go to a summer street festival
-A local winery if they have tasting days / concert nights
-PA Ren Faire, if that's your bag
-An outdoor movie in a local park
You can push for more alone time without seeming needy - just start making plans and inviting her. Then let things just evolve naturally.
I am dating someone in my social circle who I've know for around 8 months. We've been dating for the last 2 months. I think she's great...smart, funny, attractive. We get along well and there is lots of chemistry. I'm happy that I've been able to find someone.
Being in a relationship has brought some of my insecurities to the surface. Specifically, there's a couple areas where I could use some advice:
1. Different Priorities
I feel like I am fourth on her list of priorities behind work, family, and friends. She is first on my list.
Do you really rank your priorities? All people have varying priorities in their life, and they do not always fit into a nicely ordered list. Situation and circumstance do dictate a lot. There is nothing wrong with dating someone who places family, friends, and work as top priorities. Especially after two months. The two of you are not exclusive, engaged, etc.
Her having priorities for those things and people do not mean she does not value you or see you as a priority in her life. However, she must keep balance.
Quote:
2. I find myself seeking reassurance that things are going okay in the relationship
Why? Is there good reason to be asking yourself this? Or are you just insecure? Unfounded insecurities along these lines can derail a relationship. Is she interested in you? Does she show that with her actions? She is dating you, making time in her life for you... which are signs things are ok.
Quote:
3. I wish we had more alone time together. Most of the time we spend together is in a group setting with mutual friends.
Start asking her out on dates instead of hanging out with a group. You are not going to really get to know her without some one on one time to talk, do things together, etc. If your always hanging out in a large group, your not really dating.
Quote:
I haven't brought any of these topics up with her for fear of coming off as the needy boyfriend. Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated.
Honestly, it sounds like your a little insecure in yourself. That may be the best place to start at exploring these things. Even if it means seeking out some counseling.
Oh okay, so, I see you're not close to your family, and I'm guessing she is. This can present special issues to navigate, but by no means does it have to be a deal breaker.
I've kind of been in the same boat for a long time (I'm not close to family at all, he's unusually close to his), and the differences in how we prioritize family has probably been the #1 source of tension over the years. I can't even relate to having normal parents, let alone ones that I enjoy spending a lot of time with. What I've learned is that you have to pick your battles, and learn to relax and bite your tongue about the rest of it. If family truly is meddling, it's okay to (calmly, not in an accusing way) talk about boundaries. But if it's not doing any harm (she has dinner with her parents a lot when you're not available, say, and you start to think "who even wants to see their parents that often?" because you can't relate), relax and try to accept it for what it is.
Definitely try not to seek reassurance that the relationship is healthy. Trust that if it was meant to be, it will be. Then let it flow naturally.
I am dating someone in my social circle who I've know for around 8 months. We've been dating for the last 2 months. I think she's great...smart, funny, attractive. We get along well and there is lots of chemistry. I'm happy that I've been able to find someone.
Being in a relationship has brought some of my insecurities to the surface. Specifically, there's a couple areas where I could use some advice:
1. Different Priorities
I feel like I am fourth on her list of priorities behind work, family, and friends. She is first on my list.
2. I find myself seeking reassurance that things are going okay in the relationship
3. I wish we had more alone time together. Most of the time we spend together is in a group setting with mutual friends.
I haven't brought any of these topics up with her for fear of coming off as the needy boyfriend. Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated.
Ignore her and become less available.
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