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This. I think this is my biggest point of frustration. I'm not approaching dating under the assumption that these women are going to "take my breath away" and put me in some kind of love trance. It's not that I don't remember what that feels like, or fail to understand its desirability, I just know that I've only felt that way for 3 women in my entire life and I understand how incredibly rare it is. If a relationship/family is what I want, there are more practical things to consider, and that's what I'm focused on.
From my standpoint, what I have to offer is a slam dunk, and all I'm really asking from you is for you to show up and be yourself. So when after 4 dates I get an e-mail from a girl saying she can't put her feelings together, not only is it incredibly insulting, it's like "Oh wait, did you think I had put you through that test too? HA! Yeah, no."
Unfortunately, this is just how things work in western society. Many men rely on things like their feelings and love too. It's what we were raised with. It's our social conditioning. Another factor is that very few people in the US know true hardship and, therefore, don't understand what it's like to be unsure of where your next meal is coming from. So they focus on things that don't matter (or "first world problems", so to speak).
From what I've seen, you need to identify a woman that would make a good wife and mother (one that has shown commitment in some area and has a nurturing side without being too dominant) and you need to pursue her.
In this particular case, it's strange that a woman would email you about her feelings like this. Without knowing anything else about her, to me, that would call into question her mental stability.
Lol. It's too easy for attractive well together men to get sex without having to make a commitment even as they age. Society and women are very liberal about sex these days which make it difficult for a man that doesnt necessarily care a lot about marriage or having kids to substantiate getting into a serious relationship which usually has a level of drama, sacrifices, investment that seem like too much to deal with when all you have to do is go to a bar and get easy sex and a woman that will entertain you for a while until you get tired of it... So men like you have less incentive to want to have one especially with a woman refraining from sex in an age where most arent, so it's kind of silly when you look at it from a big picture stand point. etc
That woman is trying to get to know you before having sex with you to establish a foundation to build the relationship on before integrating the physical stuff but that isn't as common and men don't respect women that do this the way they used to. Poor thing--she doesn't know that this is making it difficult for you to see a point in a relationship with her. Oh well.
I don't really think you understand what I'm saying. I DO want a family and I DO want kids. I understand full well the kind of responsibility, dedication, and effort that will take. What I DON'T want is a "relationship" with a person that can't muster enough interest to kiss me after spending two full days and two evenings with me. Women I don't interact with physically/romantically are generally called "friends" in my life, and chances are, if I'm on a date, I'm neglecting one or more of them already. Why wouldn't I just go spend time with the ones I already have?
I don't really think you understand what I'm saying. I DO want a family and I DO want kids. I understand full well the kind of responsibility, dedication, and effort that will take. What I DON'T want is a "relationship" with a person that can't muster enough interest to kiss me after spending two full days and two evenings with me. Women I don't interact with physically/romantically are generally called "friends" in my life, and chances are, if I'm on a date, I'm neglecting one or more of them already. Why wouldn't I just go spend time with the ones I already have?
A few questions:
Is she attractive?
Does she have a stable job that requires a level of commitment?
Does she seem like she has good values so far?
If the answer to all of these questions is "yes", then determine whether or not she is worth the effort (because it does seem like it will take a lot of effort). If the answer to this question is "yes", then keep pursuing and be okay with putting off the physical.
Yeah, I think a lot of these dudes who put off socializing and dating while they're in school or establishing themselves and then think that they're going to pick up right where their peers are are shooting themselves in the foot. You don't have to party your way through college and neglect your studies, but at the same time not all learning happens in class.
I partied my ass off in college. What about my post makes you think I don't know how to socialize?
People think dating is the end all be all to life. It's not. Some people just decide not to date. Not everyone is a serial dater. Respect their choice and leave them alone.
Is she attractive?
Does she have a stable job that requires a level of commitment?
Does she seem like she has good values so far?
Yes, yes, and yes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Akonyo
If the answer to all of these questions is "yes", then determine whether or not she is worth the effort (because it does seem like it will take a lot of effort). If the answer to this question is "yes", then keep pursuing and be okay with putting off the physical.
I don't know about that. I think you start denigrating yourself just by sticking around after a certain point. Date 4 was that point.
Unfortunately, this is just how things work in western society. Many men rely on things like their feelings and love too. It's what we were raised with. It's our social conditioning. Another factor is that very few people in the US know true hardship and, therefore, don't understand what it's like to be unsure of where your next meal is coming from. So they focus on things that don't matter (or "first world problems", so to speak).
From what I've seen, you need to identify a woman that would make a good wife and mother (one that has shown commitment in some area and has a nurturing side without being too dominant) and you need to pursue her.
In this particular case, it's strange that a woman would email you about her feelings like this. Without knowing anything else about her, to me, that would call into question her mental stability.
I'm largely agreed with all of this.
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