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I read the article that was written and didn't get "misery." He was talking about the ups and downs of dating. I like that he did research, went out of country, and got input from the previous generations.
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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
I read the article that was written and didn't get "misery."
I did, but the misery was of the marriages of older generations. Women married because it was their only way out, and they didn't do it for love.
It pisses me off when people talk about the "good ole days" of marriage (always dudes, or close to it)... sorry, marrying because you have to and not because you want to, isn't good. It freaking blows.
I read the article that was written and didn't get "misery." He was talking about the ups and downs of dating. I like that he did research, went out of country, and got input from the previous generations.
I think this is the "misery" part he touched on:
Why do you think people are so frustrated today with the current dating scene?
Quote:
A couple of reasons. I think text messaging is a really frustrating medium. I think people get frustrated with these games. I think if you boil it down, people are frustrated that they are spending so much time on their screens and not with people in real life. The people who are least frustrated are the people who are hanging out with people and not on their screens.
Another thing is that we have so many options and it’s overwhelming for people. In the past, your options were very limited. Especially a few generations ago like that retirement home community era, you just had the people in your neighborhood. They had a much smaller pool to draw from. More recently, before online dating, you had people you work with, friends, friends of friends, or people you meet at a bar or something. It was a very finite pool.
Now it seems like you have unlimited options between online dating and everything else overwhelming. Your initial instinct is that the more options you have, the better off you are, but study after study shows the reverse. The more options you have, the harder it is to make a choice. And when you do make a choice, the less satisfied you are. That’s what people are dealing with in relationships.
Again, those that are frustrated are those trying to meet as many people as possible and find this best person. It’s a recipe for misery, because how many people do you have to meet until you are sure you’ve met the perfect person? Every single person there is! That’s impossible! So I think people are very quick to dismiss somebody and move on because there might be somebody out there, and not really giving people a chance. You don’t really get a connection with people until you really give them a chance.
Studies have been done on the affects of too many options, and essentially the more options the less happy people are. This applied to anything/everything.
I have found this applies to myself, especially shopping.
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Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
Studies have been done on the affects of too many options, and essentially the more options the less happy people are. This applied to anything/everything.
I have found this applies to myself, especially shopping.
I've read those too. Anyone volunteering to have less options though? Nah. More options equals higher expectations. I have zero problem with that.
I've read those too. Anyone volunteering to have less options though? Nah. More options equals higher expectations. I have zero problem with that.
Where does it end though? Eventually we get to a point where our expectations aren't realistic. You know as well as I that there are plenty of posters on this forum that fit that mold.
"I have a bunch of kids from different daddys. I collect welfare. Now where's my prince charming who's a 6'2", chiseled Adonis who is going to help support me".
It's good to have standards, as long as you keep them in check and realize that you're not expecting too much. People aren't perfect, and we have to stop expecting that we're going to meet someone who's going to be absolutely right in every single way for us all the time. There will be conflicts in every relationship. Working through them and coming to a resolution is the lifeblood of long term, successful relationships. It seems like most people today don't want to deal with that. And why would they, when there's a quick fix right in their palm.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lafleur
Where does it end though? Eventually we get to a point where our expectations aren't realistic. You know as well as I that there are plenty of posters on this forum that fit that mold.
"I have a bunch of kids from different daddys. I collect welfare. Now where's my prince charming who's a 6'2", chiseled Adonis who is going to help support me".
It's good to have standards, as long as you keep them in check and realize that you're not expecting too much.
That's a personal decision. We all do our personal cost-benefit analyses in our choices. We always have been, they just, perhaps, have become more complex with more options.
I've read those too. Anyone volunteering to have less options though? Nah. More options equals higher expectations. I have zero problem with that.
Not when it came to dating.
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With all the changes going on with me, I keep asking myself what my ideal even looks like. Intellectually, I think my ideal is to stand alone, live alone, do my own things...have no partner that I will actually live with. But not to be lonely, because I have a bajillion friends and many social circles (which I find comfortable.) To have relationships now and again where we spend time together doing enjoyable things, because we want to and not because we HAVE to. I'm getting to meet a lot of people who practice polyamory and relationship anarchy and such, and it's interesting. I'm not jumping into anything, but I'm expanding my mind on the many ways different people handle romantic/sexual relationships.
That sounds lovely, and it works fine with the "unlimited options" concept reasonably well...but...there sure is this little fuzzy woodland creature of a vulnerable little voice deep within my soul that looks at an appealing new prospect and wonders if it wouldn't just be delightful if we could fall madly in love and want to be around one another and live together, travel together, and have a brilliant, fulfilling lifelong companionship? *le sigh...*
I am, with all the formidable force of my intellectual self, trying to snare, skin and eat that silly sentimental little being that craves a pairbond, and wear her pelt for a hat.
Because frankly...I just don't have much faith in "happily ever after" anymore. And in dating (or whatever it is I'm doing) I'm completely avoiding anyone who seems to be seeking it. I do not wish to play house with anyone and I am completely done with making babies...so now it's all about different things.
The stuff he said about digital communication hurdles though...I see a lot of that.
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