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I'm completely new to this site, but was hoping to get an unbiased situation on something. I was recently together and we broke up towards the end of last year. The fight was over a lie about bachelor parties which she has a strong stance against. The fact that I lied about this topic and then told her the truth drove her in a rage and we didn't quite recover ever since.
I tried to piece together what we had and get back together, but she remained very unsure of what she wanted. She wanted to get back together, but something was just holding her back from taking that leap of faith. Well this went on for a few months after the split with me exhausting all my options and re-assuring I wouldn't do anything to hurt her and that she can trust me. Well at a point, she just became unresponsive and so I decided it was just better off to not speak again.
Fast forward to now about 2 months later and we randomly caught up to see how everything is going. It was great catching up and we joked around like before. Well towards the ends we kissed a few times and that was a promising sign. This was last week and now we just hung out again on Monday with the same thing again where we were hanging out with her friends and we were hugging and holding hands and kissing, but she just told me again she doesn't want to jump into a relationship again. On my part, the commitment is there, but on her end I'm not exactly clear what her stance is yet.
In any case, I haven't really quite gotten over her and I'd like to think she still has feeling for me deep inside as well.
Anyone have any advice on what I should do? Should i just cut her off completely and just move on? Mind you I tried that for a few months and dated around in between that, but no one just ever came up close to what I had with her when we first met.
Thanks, hopefully someone has some good wisdom for me out there.
I'm completely new to this site, but was hoping to get an unbiased situation on something. I was recently together and we broke up towards the end of last year. The fight was over a lie about bachelor parties which she has a strong stance against. The fact that I lied about this topic and then told her the truth drove her in a rage and we didn't quite recover ever since.
I tried to piece together what we had and get back together, but she remained very unsure of what she wanted. She wanted to get back together, but something was just holding her back from taking that leap of faith. Well this went on for a few months after the split with me exhausting all my options and re-assuring I wouldn't do anything to hurt her and that she can trust me. Well at a point, she just became unresponsive and so I decided it was just better off to not speak again.
Fast forward to now about 2 months later and we randomly caught up to see how everything is going. It was great catching up and we joked around like before. Well towards the ends we kissed a few times and that was a promising sign. This was last week and now we just hung out again on Monday with the same thing again where we were hanging out with her friends and we were hugging and holding hands and kissing, but she just told me again she doesn't want to jump into a relationship again. On my part, the commitment is there, but on her end I'm not exactly clear what her stance is yet.
In any case, I haven't really quite gotten over her and I'd like to think she still has feeling for me deep inside as well.
Anyone have any advice on what I should do? Should i just cut her off completely and just move on? Mind you I tried that for a few months and dated around in between that, but no one just ever came up close to what I had with her when we first met.
Thanks, hopefully someone has some good wisdom for me out there.
Early 30's, so I've had multiple long-term relationships prior to this one. I think that's the difficult part about this that bothers me is that I look back so much more fondly on the time we spent than any of my prior relationships. She set the bar on the good times.
Early 30's, so I've had multiple long-term relationships prior to this one. I think that's the difficult part about this that bothers me is that I look back so much more fondly on the time we spent than any of my prior relationships. She set the bar on the good times.
I'm sure. Nostalgia does that. However, it sounds like you violated her trust, which is hard to recover and not something that should be done on a "leap of faith."
The random kissing and signs of affection are typical when you still care about someone. It doesn't mean you should be together.
I would back off. She sounds pretty ambivalent, and that's not love.
she just told me again she doesn't want to jump into a relationship again. On my part, the commitment is there, but on her end I'm not exactly clear what her stance is yet.
What? Not clear what her stance is?
Re-read what you wrote and I bolded above.... her stance is VERY clear.
Thank you, I appreciate your feedback. It's definitely easier said than done, however, I think in my gut I think it's better if I back off too. I think my heart and my gut are conflicting each other that's making it a bit difficult to step away.
I think it's just a matter of her actions when we're together are differing than what she has said that's the confusing situation. It's the I'm not ready to jump into a relationship again, but I want to hang out and see you and talk to you that's throwing me off. I think the more I write this, the more I kind of know what I should do.
You said "bachelor party" and that you were not honest about something that happened in regard to one of them.
Not sure if this will work ...try replacing her telling you a similar lie about something that happened in regard to a bachelorette party. How would you feel?
(I have never been to one, nor will I --after I heard about what happened at a couple of them....men, you have nothing on the "ladies"!)
Thank you, I appreciate your feedback. It's definitely easier said than done, however, I think in my gut I think it's better if I back off too. I think my heart and my gut are conflicting each other that's making it a bit difficult to step away.
This may be hard to hear, but she doesn't feel the same way you do, and I know that she "should" because of your history together. You're probably sitting there thinking you let a very precious person slip through your fingers over a stupid so-called white lie.
But consider the possibility that the bachelor party situation may have just been the breaking straw on the back of the camel, you know. She may have had discontent built up for months and this was the opportunity to exit. I can't say this with certainty, but what committed couple breaks up over ONE thing? Not many.
If what I am speculating is accurate, you should probably take her at her word and move on. Stop torturing yourself by placing yourself in her presence and attempting to show your continuing affection and attraction for her. You're not doing yourself any favors. This isn't providing closure, just another opportunity for more hurt. What if she decides to give in and then pulls away again? You'll be devastated, she'll be conflicted and resenting you for causing her feelings of conflict.
I listen to my gut all the time. It tells me stuff like my parents used to tell me before I was on my own, things that would help me look out for myself better. So maybe, the same is true for you.
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