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i'm recently moved to the US from Europe and new to the dating game here, and try to figure out what it is about.
Are the girls in California entitled and super old school of have i just met the only conservative girls in the city?
There is this girl i've been seeing about 7 times for the last 2/3 weeks through tinder, that NEVER initiate
any contact through text or call, but is responsive and always down to meet up. We always make out and she behaves like a girlfriend when we are together, being cuddlish, but she would never text, ask or propose anything beyond that.
I know here guys date multiple persons at the same time and must have a conversation about being in couple( which is super weird to me) and we didn't have it yet since it kind of early; or not?
I don't feel like talking to her about that as it would be weird and look needy, but i wonder if it is a normal
pattern in the US. Do guys always have to initiate and chase forever like in the middle age? I come from an environment where girls are more proactive and easygoing.
My understanding is that either
1- she might be talking and dating with many other guys at the same time thus the lack of investment and need to initiate
2- she might not be that much into me(which i don't really understand since we have spent so much time together)
3- she's old school and stubborn and think that only the men must do everything, initiate and organize dates
4- she's a freak, traumatized of rejection and/or doing this on purpose
5- all these together
Given that personality, i don't think that stopping contacting her will do any good at the moment but make her think i don't care anymore.
I'm thinking about giving it maybe a shot or two and meetup with her; but if it continues like that i will have to stop since it doesn't work for me, and i hate the bull****. Maybe a real talk about what's going on with her and what she wants is due
I'm just curious about what are your experiences in this area
Last edited by 911cedric; 06-18-2015 at 01:22 AM..
Adults do not "make-out". There is entirely too much of this making out stuff on here. Try actually having sex next time. I guarantee that afterwards she will text you, initiate conversation and whatever else you want from her.
California probably has more people than your entire country, yes? The people there are not all the same. If this one is not forward enough for you, look for a different one.
California probably has more people than your entire country, yes? The people there are not all the same. If this one is not forward enough for you, look for a different one.
Since we know all of Europe is the same without regional or national cultural differences, we can assume all of California is the same as well. Much easier for the OP to paint things with a broad brush that way!
I think it is a valid question to ask and consider if it's a cultural thing.
I have a friend who grew up in the Philippines (like myself) and still expects to be courted, here in North America. It's the culture back home and her expectations has been keeping her single for years. She just can't get herself to be proactive because back home (at least in the times we were growing up, we are both 31), to be forward and initiate things is considered sl*tty or desperate.
OP, You can just plainly ask her about it. Say that you notice she doesn't initiate the conversation and it feels like you're the only one pushing for it. Say that you can't tell if it's a North American thing or that she just not that interested. She might not even realize she's pushing you away...who knows.
i'm recently moved to the US from Europe and new to the dating game here, and try to figure out what it is about.
Are the girls in California entitled and super old school of have i just met the only conservative girls in the city?
There is this girl i've been seeing about 7 times for the last 2/3 weeks through tinder, that NEVER initiate
any contact through text or call, but is responsive and always down to meet up. We always make out and she behaves like a girlfriend when we are together, being cuddlish, but she would never text, ask or propose anything beyond that.
I know here guys date multiple persons at the same time and must have a conversation about being in couple( which is super weird to me) and we didn't have it yet since it kind of early; or not?
I don't feel like talking to her about that as it would be weird and look needy, but i wonder if it is a normal
pattern in the US. Do guys always have to initiate and chase forever like in the middle age? I come from an environment where girls are more proactive and easygoing.
My understanding is that either
1- she might be talking and dating with many other guys at the same time thus the lack of investment and need to initiate
2- she might not be that much into me(which i don't really understand since we have spent so much time together)
3- she's old school and stubborn and think that only the men must do everything, initiate and organize dates
4- she's a freak, traumatized of rejection and/or doing this on purpose
5- all these together
Given that personality, i don't think that stopping contacting her will do any good at the moment but make her think i don't care anymore.
I'm thinking about giving it maybe a shot or two and meetup with her; but if it continues like that i will have to stop since it doesn't work for me, and i hate the bull****. Maybe a real talk about what's going on with her and what she wants is due
I'm just curious about what are your experiences in this area
I don't know why she'd continue seeing you and making out with you if she weren't interested (I sure wouldn't waste MY time doing that), so I can understand your confusion. But perhaps she doesn't feel she knows you well enough to have sex after only 2 or 3 weeks (?).
Have you made it clear in your Tinder profile that you expect sex within a couple of weeks? Maybe you could save yourself a lot of time and frustration if you did. That way, you'd be able to filter out incompatible women, and they'd be able to filter out incompatible men. It would save EVERYONE a heck of a lot of time. I wish to gawd it worked that way IRL, too. I'd love it if everyone could be upfront from the get-go about how they roll in dating, and then men AND women would be happier with the results.
So, for example, instead of a man asking a woman out for "coffee" or "dinner" or whatever, he could just come out and say, "Would you like to have sex with me?" Immediately, both parties know how the other plays. Wouldn't that be so much better? Try it the next time you ask a woman out. I'm being absolutely serious, btw. I really wish that's how dating worked.
On another note, I didn't grow up in the US, either. But I did grow up in family full of alpha men who have a strong sense of how men and women should treat each other. They're very respectful of women and whatever boundaries a woman sets for herself, because they expect women to be true to themselves. But there's no sense of entitlement (from either gender). I find many American men (and, apparently, some younger European men) to be, let's just say...different.
Last edited by newdixiegirl; 06-18-2015 at 07:45 AM..
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leisesturm
Adults do not "make-out". There is entirely too much of this making out stuff on here. Try actually having sex next time. I guarantee that afterwards she will text you, initiate conversation and whatever else you want from her.
Man you think this stuff up to much. Have sex with her next date, if she is not down, move along.
Clearly you have received some really good sex advice here (WTF???). But I am going to deviate from that. She is a human with feelings and desires, so treat her as such and ask what she wants from this relationship. And if she says nothing definitive and continues to expect you to initiate everything then move on because that indicates she is in demand and she knows it. Get off tinder and go where the ratio is not massively stacked against you
Adults do not "make-out". There is entirely too much of this making out stuff on here.
Ah. So THIS is why there are so few men who know how to kiss like a grown man, not a teenage boy.
I'm telling you, there's nothing like a man who knows how to grab a woman and kiss her passionately. And, yes, make out with her. One of my favorite movie quotes: "I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days."
Well, maybe not 3 days, exactly, but long enough to get things going nicely.
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