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Me and my boyfriend have been together for 10 months already. We love each other, we make future plans and etc. I am a Masters student and he has a very good job already. We are having long distance relationship for last 3 months. I am super happy in this relationship and I am sure he is too, yet we are facing the problem that drives me crazy. As I am a student I can not afford flying and seeing him, so I had to tell him to fly in instead. Here is his response: " I might fly you over here then. The weather is much better." We stayed together for 11 days and we split everything 50/50: groceries, dinners and etc. I don't mind paying 50/50 but he says stuff like "Here is favorite part of the date, splitting the bill", "Babe, why didn't you buy that nailpolish? it was 10$? When you work you won't pay attention to price. You will just get it.", "It is ok I will pay for dinner tonight. You can get lunch tomorrow". That really pisses me off, as I am tired of counting and thinking "Oh , he payed today so I need to pay tomorrow". I just don't feel like it is natural . Obviously, I get mad at it and he asks me to talk to him and explain what is wrong. But I am not sure how to start the conversation about it... And what if he says "Why are you nagging, I paid for your ticket?"
Has anyone been in situation like that?
P.S.
The reason I am scared of him paying for the ticket is that my ex when we broke up gave me a list of things he paid for. And as I am too proud , I decided to pay him all back. I just dont want to be in the same situation again.
Keeping financial score is not love it is keeping financial score. If you cannot afford the ticket then don't go and if he pays for your ticket then throws it in your face all the time it is not a good sign. Time to decide if you want to live the rest of your life keeping financial score.
You need to sit down and logically discuss what you can and can't afford and what you are not comfortable doing together with SPECIFIC reasons as to why.
If you're going to be a couple, you're going to have to come to some consesus on how your finances are going to work together.
People tell me if I can't afford LDR I shouldn't have one. Well when we started dating we didn't know he will be offered a job in another state. Plus, I am not saying he should pay for me all the time. I am just not happy that he keeps reminding me "you can pay for the next time; love splitting bills" or etc. It makes me very uncomfortable.
You need to sit down and logically discuss what you can and can't afford and what you are not comfortable doing together.
If you're going to be a couple, you're going to have to come to some consesus on how your finances are going to work together.
And by doing this, it will define how your relationship will progress. I had the same conversation in the last couple of months and it showed that our relationship was at a stopping point. Money is one of those issues that takes time to correct itself. Maybe you're just starting out in your career or have a lot of student loan debt, but money issues in a relationship is something you can't sleep on. It needs to be discussed early if you notice that it's causing issues within your relationship.
This is also one of those scenarios where both people have to be on the same page. One person can't plug the financial hole by themselves.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 10 months already. We love each other, we make future plans and etc. I am a Masters student and he has a very good job already. We are having long distance relationship for last 3 months. I am super happy in this relationship and I am sure he is too, yet we are facing the problem that drives me crazy. As I am a student I can not afford flying and seeing him, so I had to tell him to fly in instead. Here is his response: " I might fly you over here then. The weather is much better." We stayed together for 11 days and we split everything 50/50: groceries, dinners and etc. I don't mind paying 50/50 but he says stuff like "Here is favorite part of the date, splitting the bill", "Babe, why didn't you buy that nailpolish? it was 10$? When you work you won't pay attention to price. You will just get it.", "It is ok I will pay for dinner tonight. You can get lunch tomorrow". That really pisses me off, as I am tired of counting and thinking "Oh , he payed today so I need to pay tomorrow". I just don't feel like it is natural . Obviously, I get mad at it and he asks me to talk to him and explain what is wrong. But I am not sure how to start the conversation about it... And what if he says "Why are you nagging, I paid for your ticket?"
Has anyone been in situation like that?
P.S.
The reason I am scared of him paying for the ticket is that my ex when we broke up gave me a list of things he paid for. And as I am too proud , I decided to pay him all back. I just dont want to be in the same situation again.
Is he an accountant? It's a huge turnoff to constantly be bean counting while dating. He sounds like George Costanza.
People tell me if I can't afford LDR I shouldn't have one. Well when we started dating we didn't know he will be offered a job in another state. Plus, I am not saying he should pay for me all the time. I am just not happy that he keeps reminding me "you can pay for the next time; love splitting bills" or etc. It makes me very uncomfortable.
Is that becuase you are really not happy with the idea of how you have set your 50/50 agreement?
Or
Becuase you just don't like to be told what you should be doing?
Where does the discomfort come from? And what IS that discomfort?
Is that becuase you are really not happy with the idea of how you have set your 50/50 agreement?
Or
Becuase you just don't like to be told what you should be doing?
Where does the discomfort come from? And what IS that discomfort?
Here is the discomfort:
1) I don't like to be constantly reminded what to do, as I am not a kid and even without his reminding I'd pay for my half.
2) We were in the store and we got 2 cokes and 2 chocolate bars. Total was 6$ and we splitted it. To me it is weird to split this small amount of money. I 'd understand if I bought those with a friend and we 'd split it. But with bf...
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