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I don't think they're ugly, at least not to me. However like I said they're probably not guys that are super attractive, but there is always something I find physically appealing about them, and I am physically attracted to them as well. I just rather be attracted somewhat attracted to the physical and super attracted to the personality, rather than the other way around. And in my experience I have very rarely dated anybody who equally possessed both.
Attractive isn't about what other people find appealing.
Attractive is what's appealing to you. Period. Why would you aspire to date somebody ELSE'S idea of attractive and not your own? That doesn't even make any sense.
If guys whose appearances are agreeable to you and whose personalities blow you out of the water are what is most attractive to you, go for that, and quit overthinking it or trying to consciously alter what you find attractive to better match what other people are telling you you SHOULD find attractive. It won't work, anyway.
I don't think they're ugly, at least not to me. However like I said they're probably not guys that are super attractive, but there is always something I find physically appealing about them, and I am physically attracted to them as well. I just rather be attracted somewhat attracted to the physical and super attracted to the personality, rather than the other way around. And in my experience I have very rarely dated anybody who equally possessed both.
I'm sure you will find somebody. Question. Do you find yourself really attractive? Or if you don't think it. Do people make you feel like you are?
Smart and funny men are not only often depressed, more importantly they are cynical. They can make others laugh, but it is part and parcel of being disillusioned and deeply negative about the many flaws they see in society and life.
I get it, because I find them attractive, too. They are not only clever and entertaining but obviously there is something of the confidence and performance artistry there if they are outgoing enough to express themselves vocally to others even in mere social situations if not on open mic night. You convince yourself because humor is involved that this person is actually positive in some way when in fact they are a thin coat of happy-paint over a deeply miserable soul.
Why is this a problem?
It depends...do you want to be happy?
I'm an optimistic person who enjoys life and wants happiness. I don't believe, despite our many flaws, difficulties, and problems in the world, that we are doomed or that life is just a slog towards death or an opportunity to prepare for battle. I like to go on adventures, feel the sun on my face, I like to LIVE. Many women get into these funny men because we like to laugh, it is a positive experience for us. But therein lies the problem. You're a person who wants to laugh and be happy, who is getting involved with someone who uses humor to process utter misery. Not only does this man have no true happiness in him to share with you, he does not believe in happiness at all. Not really. Not sincerely. Your efforts to show him that the world can be awesome and fun, will cause him to think you're an idiot who just can't accept how jacked up it all is, because you choose not to wallow in dark stuff all the time. He will either try to drag you down, or dismiss you as foolish because you aren't freaked out or depressed like he is, inside.
Look, I'm not saying to seek stupid or boring people to pair up with. I could not take any such advice and I'd never give it. But any female who finds herself attracted to "smart and funny"...be on the lookout for the dark side. You can't save the guys who are sunk in that, eventually it will overpower you and make you miserable. Don't try. Don't invest yourself trying to save them from themselves, because you can't.
While I agree there's some cynicism in comedy, I think what you're saying is an over generalization. I have met funny men, who have traveled the world, enjoyed it and are for the most part happy people.
Also as for being cynical, maybe I relate to them on some level because I have cynical side to me as well, so its sometimes a common ground for us. My grandfather, mother and I are the same in that we can at times have a cynical sense of humor, it just runs in my family. I have even considered being a stand up comic (although I have extreme stage freight and doubt I'd be able to do it), however I have done quite a bit of writing as an outlet for me. That being said, I think I'm a happy person for the most part, I get upset and angry at times like everyone else, and I believe everybody has a cynical side to them, we just all have a different way of dealing with it.
While I agree there's some cynicism in comedy, I think what you're saying is an over generalization. I have met funny men, who have traveled the world, enjoyed it and are for the most part happy people.
Also as for being cynical, maybe I relate to them on some level because I have cynical side to me as well, so its sometimes a common ground for us. My grandfather, mother and I are the same in that we can at times have a cynical sense of humor, it just runs in my family. I have even considered being a stand up comic (although I have extreme stage freight and doubt I'd be able to do it), however I have done quite a bit of writing as an outlet for me. That being said, I think I'm a happy person for the most part, I get upset and angry at times like everyone else, and I believe everybody has a cynical side to them, we just all have a different way of dealing with it.
Totally an overgeneralization.
My husband is hilarious and intelligent, and he's the most upbeat, happy-go-lucky, least moody person I've ever met. He couldn't even act the part of cynical if he tried. He is a complete ray of sunshine who makes me smile whenever I'm around him.
I lived with a cynical man for a long time. And he wasn't nearly as smart (or funny) as he thought he was.
Attractive isn't about what other people find appealing.
Attractive is what's appealing to you. Period. Why would you aspire to date somebody ELSE'S idea of attractive and not your own? That doesn't even make any sense.
If guys whose appearances are agreeable to you and whose personalities blow you out of the water are what is most attractive to you, go for that, and quit overthinking it or trying to consciously alter what you find attractive to better match what other people are telling you you SHOULD find attractive. It won't work, anyway.
My husband is hilarious and intelligent, and he's the most upbeat, happy-go-lucky, least moody person I've ever met. He couldn't even act the part of cynical if he tried. He is a complete ray of sunshine who makes me smile whenever I'm around him.
I lived with a cynical man for a long time. And he wasn't nearly as smart (or funny) as he thought he was.
Ugh that's worst, can't tell you how many times I've heard men talk about what a great sense of humor they have, only to find out that they were the only ones who thought they were funny haha!
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bebe182
Ugh that's worst, can't tell you how many times I've heard men talk about what a great sense of humor they have, only to find out that they were the only ones who thought they were funny haha!
True enough. But there is something to the depression and comedic genius thing. The funniest people I've known, for the most part, suffered from some mental issues, just as the best artists usually do.
The positive / upbeat "funny" people I've met are the ones that thought they were funny, but weren't. (For the most part)
While I agree there's some cynicism in comedy, I think what you're saying is an over generalization. I have met funny men, who have traveled the world, enjoyed it and are for the most part happy people.
Also as for being cynical, maybe I relate to them on some level because I have cynical side to me as well, so its sometimes a common ground for us. My grandfather, mother and I are the same in that we can at times have a cynical sense of humor, it just runs in my family. I have even considered being a stand up comic (although I have extreme stage freight and doubt I'd be able to do it), however I have done quite a bit of writing as an outlet for me. That being said, I think I'm a happy person for the most part, I get upset and angry at times like everyone else, and I believe everybody has a cynical side to them, we just all have a different way of dealing with it.
Yeah, I mean some of them can be really bad that way. Like I said, not saying to avoid funny men because that's just how they are...no, nothing quite that extreme at all...just saying to WATCH for buried negativity and cynicism. Sometimes it's not obvious when you are first getting to know somebody. It can make a mess of a long term relationship though, if you don't see it in time.
I do, I know I am attractive, but I can't help what I'm attracted to.
Yeah true. Just wondering. You should have your pick of the litter than. Maybe all you found were duds. With your attitude I'm sure you give a lot of people a chance. So I don't think you are doing anything wrong. Just haven't found the right person.
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