Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
A person thoroughly secure in his/her decision would have no need to offer explanations or to curry endorsement. The very fact that one feels yearning for support of one's decision suggests a lack of certainty, a lack of peace, and perhaps a desire to be offered credible alternatives.
It is, I think, important to distinguish between being single-by-choice during one's formative years, while pursuing an education and building a career and so forth; and being voluntarily single for life. There is for example no shame in having zero savings at age 24. This is not the case at say 54. At 24 it is important to invest in one's education, whether by formal means like university tuition, or informal means like travel. At 54 it's far more important to be accumulating cash. Something analogous I think holds with the whole subject of relationships. The verve and the demands of youth suggest in many cases higher priorities than the chasing of romantic involvement. Later, as we establish ourselves, and find ourselves surrounded by people who have married, priorities and perspectives shift.
You're by no means the only person in their 20's who has a fear or avoidance of intimacy due to unresolved childhood family issues. This is somewhat common, not odd at all. The difference is between the people who face up to it and do something about it (therapy), and those who allow it to limit them for the rest of their lives, thereby missing out on an important part of the human experience and an aspect of self-fulfillment.
And did I mention that, as a college student, you have access to FREE therapy?
But it's your life, OP. That's great that you at least have a fair number of friends.
Some issues are so deeply rooted that no therapy whatsoever could help. Everyone is the product of different environments and I've just learned to handle my baggage the way I can, just like everyone else.
Yes, I have many friends, even though we don't talk about such personal topics (I would never discuss this with any of them for example) but I could count on them on several occasions.
I know we'll have less and less contact as the years go by and they move on with their relationships, some have children, etc. But I'm prepared to deal with that as well.
I was single by choice at 24, but unlike you, I damn sure wasn't celibate.
Live your life how you want, but be forewarned you don't get a do-over on your twenties. This is the only decade of your life where it's not only socially acceptable but generally expected for you to play the field, relish your freedom, and "get around" with impunity.
I still live that lifestyle in my 30s, but I'm the definite outlier in my social circle, even being in South Florida. And my days are numbered. Try to remain a player in your 40s and you're officially the creepy old guy who everyone wishes would grow up already.
The point is, when you get older and look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do much more than the things you did. Refraining from a serious relationship at 24 is a good thing; eschewing female company completely, not so much. Now is the time to date around and experience every kind of girl imaginable. Not only do you get the playboy life out of your system before it comes time to settle down, but you figure out what you want and don't want in a partner.
I'm 22 and approve this message. I'd like to be single for some time, because its going to be a while before I settle down. My status would be the same at age 24 as well.
Some issues are so deeply rooted that no therapy whatsoever could help. Everyone is the product of different environments and I've just learned to handle my baggage the way I can, just like everyone else.
Yes, I have many friends, even though we don't talk about such personal topics (I would never discuss this with any of them for example) but I could count on them on several occasions.
I know we'll have less and less contact as the years go by and they move on with their relationships, some have children, etc. But I'm prepared to deal with that as well.
There are therapies out there that do go deep, and help heal very deep stuff, but those therapists are hard to find. There are even therapies for healing birth trauma and in-the-womb trauma (like, for example, when someone almost strangles because the placenta gets wound around their neck in the womb). It IS do-able, I've seen people heal some very serious stuff from childhood. They do this to a great extent in group therapy, where members of the group role-play different family members, but the events the client chooses to play out occur with everyone playing the role of a "healthy" mom, healthy dad, siblings, etc. The client re-experiences scenarios that were traumatic in the past, but they end happily and nurturingly in the re-play. This can have a very powerful effect.
In any case, it might help to have someone to talk to about it, at the very least. And did I mention the university-based therapy center is FREE? (lol) OK, I'm done here. Be well, be happy, OP.
I'm a 24 year old man. I've never had a girlfriend or any kind of intimate contact with a woman. I'm currently taking my master's in mechanical engineering.
Apart from being busy with my studies, I grew up in a difficult home environment and have a lot of trouble dealing with frustration, anxiety and other people's expectations, especially on a more intimate level (friendships and so). I also have a difficult temper at home which makes domestic life rather hard when I'm around.
So with all this in the mixture, it seemed like the natural choice to decide to stay single for life. I have absolutely nothing against women...there are the good and the bad just like everything else in life. I have nothing against relationships, all of my friends are in one and fortunately most of them happy. My own brother has a terrific girlfriend as well.
I have many good friends, both male and female. We always have plans for weekends, I exercise a lot as well and have plenty of hobbies (cinema, music, reading, plane spotting, etc).
Simply nothing good could come out of a romantic relationship with someone like myself so I invest a lot in my friendships...I believe friends can be for life.
Obviously this is also an easy decision for me because no woman has ever shown any interest in me...I have a few friends that could never keep such a decision because all women fall at their feet.
Is this a very odd choice in my generation?
Dude, you are in some of the best years of your life. Do not waste them. You need to be dating as much as you possibly can.
My suggestion...find a male mentor or go online and find a dating coach. Trust me.....the older you get the more difficult it will be to find a great partner. You deserve a good woman. Get busy man.
I'm a 24 year old man. I've never had a girlfriend or any kind of intimate contact with a woman. I'm currently taking my master's in mechanical engineering.
Apart from being busy with my studies, I grew up in a difficult home environment and have a lot of trouble dealing with frustration, anxiety and other people's expectations, especially on a more intimate level (friendships and so). I also have a difficult temper at home which makes domestic life rather hard when I'm around.
So with all this in the mixture, it seemed like the natural choice to decide to stay single for life. I have absolutely nothing against women...there are the good and the bad just like everything else in life. I have nothing against relationships, all of my friends are in one and fortunately most of them happy. My own brother has a terrific girlfriend as well.
I have many good friends, both male and female. We always have plans for weekends, I exercise a lot as well and have plenty of hobbies (cinema, music, reading, plane spotting, etc).
Simply nothing good could come out of a romantic relationship with someone like myself so I invest a lot in my friendships...I believe friends can be for life.
Obviously this is also an easy decision for me because no woman has ever shown any interest in me...I have a few friends that could never keep such a decision because all women fall at their feet.
Is this a very odd choice in my generation?
Being single at 24 by choice is perfectly normal. I was single by choice up until I was 28. I loved my single life of traveling and meeting different women every week.
Now, being a man and not wanting to be intimate with women is def not normal.
By chance are you fat, extremely nerdy, or not blessed with facial aesthetics?
Apart from being busy with my studies, I grew up in a difficult home environment and have a lot of trouble dealing with frustration, anxiety and other people's expectations, especially on a more intimate level (friendships and so). I also have a difficult temper at home which makes domestic life rather hard when I'm around.
Not at all! I would use this time very wisely to work on healing yourself...all of your unresolved issues will manifest in all relationships but especially romantic relationships....most people have no clue how true this is and thus think that a relationship can heal them. Bad thinking there.
Take as long as you need to heal yourself. Perhaps get into meditation or exercise.
You are wise for having the insights to not want to be in a relationship...relationships can really weigh you down from working on yourself as well as stunt your personal growth and development
Being single and working out your issues at your pace can be very rewarding.
Being single is as fun as you make it. You will get so much more accomplished in your life by marching to the beat of your own drum as long as you are on a positive path.
Some issues are so deeply rooted that no therapy whatsoever could help. Everyone is the product of different environments and I've just learned to handle my baggage the way I can, just like everyone else.
Yes, I have many friends, even though we don't talk about such personal topics (I would never discuss this with any of them for example) but I could count on them on several occasions.
I know we'll have less and less contact as the years go by and they move on with their relationships, some have children, etc. But I'm prepared to deal with that as well.
I'm glad you found a comfort zone.
Everyone thinks they know what others need or want. In fact, they are not helping in a persons choice to stay single, not alone, single.
Everyone should find themselves and be happy without making a partner miserable to fulfill your happiness.
I was resolved to stay single too when I was your age. I had 3 sisters and no brothers. Yeah, jumping into the whole girlfriend thing was not on the list.
Problem was, people began saying I was gay, creepy and the like. I enjoyed my alone time. I guess hanging with a lot of friends was like being at home with 3 loud girls. Lol!
Anyways, I think you are a very smart guy and I wish you all the best in life. Maybe you can invent something from your career that can benefit society.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
