Finding it difficult to show affection with my girlfriend?

[corsair427]

Yeah, they had some great values they taught me, such as to look someone in the eye or give a firm handshake. But they were and especially my mom is WAAAAAY to religious (Roman Catholic) and she always tries to guilt me even now. I havent believed in any of that stuff, even when I was a kid I questioned everything. I personally believe that things like sex and sexual openness are key and essential for a healthy life. However when push comes to shove (no pun intended) I always feel this guilt inside or regret doing like I never deserved it in the first place. They always say the girl you are with should be your best friend, this girl is like that in every way and I should be falling hard for her but I cant. I remember she called me "hunny" the other day and it kinda freaked me out, it made me think of parents and was quite a turnoff. Maybe the fault lies with them, because they never showed affection and all they do is fight now and threaten each other. I remember last year when I went out with that one girl who gave me my first kiss my mom gave me the hardest time in the world and really made something that was supposed to be a great time in my life a living nightmare. Eveynight i had to come home to her yelling and insulting the girl that i loved. I couldnt even enjoy it.

[Ginge McFantaPants]

There are no quick fixes but if it helps any, my husband grew up in a similar environment: very cold, religious, strict, and devoid of affection. Therapy can help a lot, as well as having a partner who is patient and willing to let you take baby steps toward normal expressions of affection.

[snugglegirl05]

Originally Posted by corsair427

Yeah, they had some great values they taught me, such as to look someone in the eye or give a firm handshake. But they were and especially my mom is WAAAAAY to religious (Roman Catholic) and she always tries to guilt me even now. I haven't believed in any of that stuff, even when I was a kid I questioned everything. I personally believe that things like sex and sexual openness are key and essential for a healthy life. However when push comes to shove (no pun intended) I always feel this guilt inside or regret doing like I never deserved it in the first place. They always say the girl you are with should be your best friend, this girl is like that in every way and I should be falling hard for her but I cant. I remember she called me "hunny" the other day and it kinda freaked me out, it made me think of parents and was quite a turnoff. Maybe the fault lies with them, because they never showed affection and all they do is fight now and threaten each other. I remember last year when I went out with that one girl who gave me my first kiss my mom gave me the hardest time in the world and really made something that was supposed to be a great time in my life a living nightmare. Every-night i had to come home to her yelling and insulting the girl that i loved. I couldn't even enjoy it.

Your parents sound like my father minus the religious part.

Affection is very important to maintaining a relationship.

There is a time and a place for everything including when to be affectionate.

At least you were not hooking up with a female.

That is something your parents need to consider.

[corsair427]

Thats it! I mean i really just never knew how to express myself in that way, because I was always forced to hold in how i felt because everytime i did something bad happened as a result. Ive been kind of a loner for 25 years and because of my career its hard to be at home all the time to devote myself to someone.

[ellie]

Make sure your girlfriend understands. That's all that matters. She sounds like she's the type who'd love to see you flourish.

[MissClutterbuck]

I agree that you should explore therapy. It sounds like you know the root of the issues, so that's a good start. A decent therapist will be able to help you learn to overcome the guilt.