Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You're pretty and seem like a cool chick from your profile. I don't know what the trouble could be unless you have an icy or standoffish vibe in person, but several people here have said that DC is a tough area to find love.
A size 10 isn't really fat. I wear a size 4, but mostly wear size 6, and sometimes 8's in stores that run small. Living on the east coast it seems like most of the authentic black men like plus size women so you being your size will not be a problem. I mean im a little smaller than you are but most men have told me that the only thing big on me is my butt and that im small and up until living on the east coast I was considered a thick girl so what I'm saying is that if you like black men then at a size 10 you should probably fare pretty well. I've been to dc and some of your traits seem pretty standard--a lot of black women in DC wear natural hair and tend to be well dressed. I don't know how dating goes in DC because I was only there for the weekend but if your shy and you don't get normally approached by quality men then maybe you should get on board like all others and do online dating.
I can't say whether online dating would work for you or not because I've never done it. But it's a worth shot. I'm more on the introverted side and I live on the east coast I tend to meet men in various places where men in my demographic group tend to frequent-bars, sometimes the store, gas station, etc. Lmao you would be surprised. As shy as I am I get hollered at by decent looking men in random places. I don't think there is a specific place you can go to meet men. Unless you know specific places where your type goes-otherwise continuing to put yourself out there like you are will at least open you up to more opportunity.
I don't know why men don't approach you more often, I've seen your profile pic-and you arent unattractive at all. Do you wear dresses that really accentuate your body? Do you smile often and say hi as your walking by? Do you go to areas where a lot of men tend to frequent in your city?
For me I dress conservatively and dont wear revealing clothes but I make sure to wear clothes that flatter my body and always make sure to dress stylish and look on point if I know I'm going to a place where men in my age range will be. I always make sure to look on point and if I see a guy im attracted to i will smile or make eye contact. I have a b**** resting face and ive been told I look like im too much work lol but it hasn't stopped any guy from approaching. What is your style? What kind of body do you have(are you top heavy or bottom heavy)? Do you walk with your head up or head down? Are you insecure or confident?
What kind of men do you want to date? What is your type?
All I can say is that if meeting men in person while your out isn't working for you, you should try online dating.
Sometimes us introverts do come across as unapproachable, and what helps is to compensate for that by doing some of the approaching yourself. Don't wait around for men to approach you; if someone's kind of putting out the vibe, take the initiative to approach him.
another thing that alot of women do like say youre walking and dudes are coming in your direction you will do that tunnelvision thing and stare straight ahead like you dont see anyone
this is annoying
why not make eye contact and/or a quick smile just so people know you are welcoming and non-hostile
Why would you ignore people who tell you to lose weight. Many guys will not date women over weight.
Thus if you want to increase your marketability or date-ability than you might want to consider getting in shape / healthy.
The above is a ridiculous generalization of how all men feel about women. I know that there are lots of men who actually prefer women who don't look like they are starving themselves.
OP, I think it is great that you have such varied interests. You said: "I've read the advice that I have to be the one making the effort to climb onto men and desperately make a scene of myself in order to attract attention."
Perhaps change your reading source(s). This is not true. You do not have to live a loose lifestyle and compromise your principles in order to find someone who is interested in you. You did say that you are introverted and although you go to all these different places and participate in quite a few activities, you are still having trouble finding someone....
My question to you is why do you feel like you have to "find" anyone right now? Perhaps just enjoy time with yourself while working on how to be more assertive (not aggressive) around people. If you are intimidated being around people, start small. Start working on just saying "hi" and smiling more around folks. When comfortable with that, initiate a brief conversation and say "Nice day we're having, don't you think?" Do this with not only men, women as well, because you are practicing your social skills. There are meet up groups on the internet and likely ones in your area. Find groups you are interested in and attend a meeting or two. You can always stop going if you find it is not the group for you.
Try not to get too desperate. I realize that you feel an urge to get married and start a family because you are 31 and that is normal for women of your age to think that they have to do so before their child bearing years and youth "run out". I think it is better for women to not put that kind of pressure on themselves. Try to relax, enjoy your life for what it is today, each day. Tell yourself that you are an attractive very interesting person and you deserve happiness. Show the world who you are and don't be afraid of people. There are others like you who have fears and concerns. Be empathetic. It sounds like you spend right much time going to different places. Perhaps get involved in a volunteer activity. Spend some of your time helping others who are not as fortunate as you are. You will not only make the world a better place by doing so, you will get your mind off of yourself for awhile and will feel great about changing the lives of others. Although it should not be the main reason you are doing so--you will also be around empathetic caring men and may possibly meet someone who you find shares common interests and has similar goals as you do...
....and men with these qualities are far more appealing, in my opinion, than ones who are not so much into making a woman's shape/size their main priority and dating someone just to "climb onto".
The above is a ridiculous generalization of how all men feel about women. I know that there are lots of men who actually prefer women who don't look like they are starving themselves.
OP, I think it is great that you have such varied interests. You said: "I've read the advice that I have to be the one making the effort to climb onto men and desperately make a scene of myself in order to attract attention."
Perhaps change your reading source(s). This is not true. You do not have to live a loose lifestyle and compromise your principles in order to find someone who is interested in you. You did say that you are introverted and although you go to all these different places and participate in quite a few activities, you are still having trouble finding someone....
My question to you is why do you feel like you have to "find" anyone right now? Perhaps just enjoy time with yourself while working on how to be more assertive (not aggressive) around people. If you are intimidated being around people, start small. Start working on just saying "hi" and smiling more around folks. When comfortable with that, initiate a brief conversation and say "Nice day we're having, don't you think?" Do this with not only men, women as well, because you are practicing your social skills. There are meet up groups on the internet and likely ones in your area. Find groups you are interested in and attend a meeting or two. You can always stop going if you find it is not the group for you.
Try not to get too desperate. I realize that you feel an urge to get married and start a family because you are 31 and that is normal for women of your age to think that they have to do so before their child bearing years and youth "run out". I think it is better for women to not put that kind of pressure on themselves. Try to relax, enjoy your life for what it is today, each day. Tell yourself that you are an attractive very interesting person and you deserve happiness. Show the world who you are and don't be afraid of people. There are others like you who have fears and concerns. Be empathetic. It sounds like you spend right much time going to different places. Perhaps get involved in a volunteer activity. Spend some of your time helping others who are not as fortunate as you are. You will not only make the world a better place by doing so, you will get your mind off of yourself for awhile and will feel great about changing the lives of others. Although it should not be the main reason you are doing so--you will also be around empathetic caring men and may possibly meet someone who you find shares common interests and has similar goals as you do...
....and men with these qualities are far more appealing, in my opinion, than ones who are not so much into making a woman's shape/size their main priority and dating someone just to "climb onto".
Um where did I say all men? I didnt even say most men. I said many.
You are delusional if you dont think that many men will not date overweight women.
You seem cultured, conservative, and intelligent... things that I think a guy would want in a future wife. However, you do have to get him initially interested to realize that... What is it about you that if you were around a lot of other people, would make you stand out and make a guy want to approach you? You don't have to be a supermodel or a stripper but men are visual. Even the most conservative men are visual. You say you dress nice but is it appealing? or "frumpy"? I don't think there's anything wrong with dressing sexy (provided the environment and occasion are appropriate). We as women have what we want and need from men and one of the things men seem to need is to be visually stimulated. It doesn't have to be ostentatious or vulgar... but enticing enough to catch his eye. I think that will do the trick.
IMO, size 10 (and if that's truly your size and you're not having to squeeze yourself into any size 10 outfit), is absolutely not overweight...not in the least!
And besides that, size is arbitrary. A size 10 in one manufacturer's line may well fit different (bigger or smaller) than someone else's.
Instead, use standard BMI charts, which can be found easily in 1 google search. You input your height and age and the calculator will show you a range of healthy weight (i.e. not considered overweight or obese) for you.
As for attraction, it's not always about looks. It's also about 'energy.' When you are engaged in activities you really enjoy your spirit shines through and it changes your vibrational energy and that makes you 'visible' to others. So do activities that bring you joy, that you do for the love of it, and not to "meet a mayun."
Concentrate on being healthy, finding purpose, being involved, enjoying the things you do have in your life, which are all things you can control. You cannot control someone else's feelings or attraction. All you can do is be the best 'you' you can be and have faith the universe will set you on the right path to bring good things into your life. Take time to appreciate ALL the good things. I know this sounds trite, but it's important and it's good energy to put out there!
I just looked at your pic
your looks are NOT the problem, you are very attractive...cute as hell might I add
maybe a tad more make up and show a LITTLE leg/cleavage...that's not to make you more attractive, you don't need that, its to put out the "im open for discussion" vibe...some women might send out the "no thanks, not interested" vibe blindly all over the place...
Well, Yiuppy, you're gorgeous and you have a warm, friendly smile, so it's not your looks.
I wonder if you're only noticing the jerks who notice you. The jerks tend to be more aggressive than the good men, so their sheer loudness might be distracting you from the good, but somewhat quiet, man close by who is checking you out and working up the courage to approach you.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
