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There isn't good data on who cause the divorces. No fault divorce prevents that from being collected.
I only know the cases where I know a woman that filed, the dude definitely caused it and filing it was by the lady to protect herself. But that is an anecdotal thing and not a study.
That and the fact that assigning "cause" would easily descend into the realm of grey areas, pretty quickly, anyway.
Take the case of one spouse having an affair, and both physically and emotionally exiting the marriage, leaving the spouse left behind to file legal paperwork to terminate the marriage contract. Did the cheating spouse/spouse who moved out "cause" the divorce? Or is the cheating, moving out spouse perhaps going to say that actually, the other partner "caused" them to seek out extramarital relationships in the first place by things done or not done within the marriage?
In the case of our friend who recently filed, following his wife disclosing an affair (and ultimately a whole series of serial affairs), he would doubtless say that she caused the divorce by engaging in affairs. She would doubtless say that he caused the divorce because she came clean and wanted to work it out,not end the marriage, but he was insistent that her infidelity rendered things over. She also would possibly say that he caused the divorce by being so (boring, inattentive, busy with work, unsexy, fill in the blank with random negative attribute/attributes of your choice) that she was forced to seek diversion outside her marriage. So on, so forth.
You are still assuming a lot. Which honestly doesn't surprise me. Why are women in the driver seat? And the person who files doesn't have anything to do with who initiates. It's simply the person that files the paperwork. I make all my husband's medical appointments for him - that doesn't mean that I'm the one that wants them or that I'm the one seeing the doctor. I'm simply the one that takes care of things like making appointments, joining the pool, paying the bills, etc. A lot of families are like that. Or - in the case of my neighbor - her husband kept threatening her with divorce until she finally filed herself. He was sexting with a bunch of women and kept telling her that he would stop - but she found out that he just changed their names in his phone to men's names instead. Did she cause the divorce? They both made mistakes - but she didn't cause the divorce. She simply filed.
You are assuming an awful lot about some paperwork.
Ok this part right here is kinda ****** up. Bad on his part for sure.
I hear what you are saying. All I'm saying is in order for a divorce to happen, it has to be filed first. Why would the person that files for divorce file for it and not want it? They would most likely attempt to work it out instead.
Because you can only work it out if the other party is amenable to that. You can't "fight" for a marriage the other person doesn't want to be in. People file, even if they don't want to file, when it's clearly a lost cause, even if they wish it could work out and want it to work out. The other person has to want the same thing. If they don't, you obviously have no choice.
In the case of my aunt, she in no way wanted a divorce, and was devastated. But her husband was already living with the person he cheated with, and somebody had to file, and he wasn't doing it. Nor was he interested in working it out.*
*Except when his mistress left him. Then he wanted to work it out.
Because you can only work it out if the other party is amenable to that. You can't "fight" for a marriage the other person doesn't want to be in. People file, even if they don't want to file, when it's clearly a lost cause, even if they wish it could work out and want it to work out. The other person has to want the same thing. If they don't, you obviously have no choice.
In the case of my aunt, she in no way wanted a divorce, and was devastated. But her husband was already living with the person he cheated with, and somebody had to file, and he wasn't doing it. Nor was he interested in working it out.*
*Except when his mistress left him. Then he wanted to work it out.
Damn!
Well, I may have to admit then. I MAY be wrong. Dewdroplet76 had a FEW decent points. This is probably history in the making. M3Guy MAY be wrong on this subject, and admiting it
On nurse said that if 2 men approach you,and one has better finances,but you do not Love him,marry him instead of the guy you do love,because she said there is no such thing as love at first sight. That is infactuation.
She said that only happens in Disney movies.
love grows.
'Infactuation' is not a thing, and this is terrible advice. What if love doesn't grow?
Well, I may have to admit then. I MAY be wrong. Dewdroplet76 had a FEW decent points. This is probably history in the making. M3Guy MAY be wrong on this subject, and admiting it
I think it's probably generally wise to concede that there is no universal blanket statement that applies to the dissolution of relationships and marriages overall, or that applies to MOST, even. Trying to make everyone's circumstances fit in easy categories and trotting out, "Well, it's ALWAYS/MOST OF THE TIME LIKE THIS, MEN ALWAYS/MOST OF THE TIME ARE GUILTY OF THIS/VICTIMS OF THIS, WOMEN ALWAYS/MOST OF THE TIME ARE GUILTY OF THAT, VICTIMS OF THAT," blah blah blah, is a waste of time. Everybody's story is a little different. Some people's stories are a lot different.
I dunno, there are a few bitter people that ignore data. They know one, or a few, or were themselves some scr*wed over by the courts dude and they think its a scam, even while the data show women are the ones that get scr*wed. Marriage is a raw deal for women, and divorce is even worse. The data really shows this. The only area men are worse off in divorce is the psychological impact; financially, they generally do better (per the UK studies I've read).
I mean, alimony threads are so common, but it is so rare! It's at most (if you're getting married for the first time) 10% of a 35% chance, so like a 3.5% of having to pay it... yet it is supposed to be this giant fear people want to instill.
Of course, this forum attracts fringe people, as can be seen by the large numbers of adult virgins and 25 yos that don't want to date, for just a few more examples.
Radovan Karadzic "proved" that Serbs own the 99% of Bosnia through private ownership, he proved it through his researches and studies of property ownerships. This was the overture for war in Bosnia.
Later on, it was shown that people can manipulate the date to look the way they want it. Clear look into the statistics and historical reviews have shown that people regularly manipulate statistics in their favor when they want to make some claim.
In short, topic related - the data which shows how women generally get a raw deal from marriage is usually done by social workers and women's organizations, including NOW. These studies regularly conclude that women get a raw deal and the general conclusion is that the bigger property redistribution is necessary to "even it out". You know what this means, but you pretend that you don't.
One of the most dramatic facts to forget is when the data is manipulated with claims how men increase their earnings AFTER divorce, presenting it as if employers happen to reward men for divorcing. In reality, most men need to move back to their parents or to move out and pay rent while the ex wife stays in family house, plus an ex husband needs to pay child support, thus he takes another job or needs to upgrade former part-time job into a full-time job and work extra hours to make it.
The data regularly forgets the outrageous number of over 50,000 men being in prison at any point throughout a calendar year - because they didn't or couldn't pay child support or alimony. To make things worse, interest rates are absurd regardless of the reason. This is how some men literally owe dozens of millions in child support through the absurd way these interest rates are applied, as if he borrowed money from loan sharks. The data also forgets to mention suicide rates of ex husbands during the period of first three years after divorce, not to mention that they claim these suicide rates are unaffected - despite the fact that there are far less men suffering limb amputations or war/combat exposure, groups that were formerly considered to be high-risk groups. The data regularly forgets to mention how even children who were raised by nannies are regularly awarded to mothers who then toss the children to their own parents while collecting the child support from the "father" whose parental role gets either diminished or non-existent after divorce. The data they apply doesn't even care for the fact that national statistics tend to calculate alimony into woman's income - they usually exclude it from woman's income in these "studies" and thus additionally skew the outcome.
If studies "show" that women are so much screwed in divorce, then women must stop getting married. Outlawing marriage should be the way to go, to protect women. Right....
Let me tell you something. I've already said why and how society STILL puts people under strong pressure to get married, that it's the "right" thing to do. Religion does this. TV does this. Parents do this. New generations are faced with strong pressure, despite their rational thoughts and the final conclusion that they get as 25 y/o adults will tell them otherwise. English is not my native, but the point should be clear. By stepping out and telling this aloud, I help other men to realize that their conclusion about outrageous and criminal institution that we call marriage is not mere coincidence. Millions of other men have figured it out, yet they still can't say that aloud because of "Jesus", "Allah", "Budha", "Disney", "National Marriage Project", "Obama", "HuffingtonPost" or simply their parents. You are joining the voices of these a-holes and you try to ridicule me or to shun other young men from voicing their stance on this whole deal.
I also want to mention it again - "nuclear families" are getting less and less stable and your claim hinted that they aren't. Divorce rates are becoming irrelevant these days - for the sole fact that increasing number of people are cohabiting. Marriage rates are declining and divorce rates drop because of it. This is especially the case among the older ones, not just the young ones as HuffPost tries to hint all the time. Look into the fact that just about HALF of all first-time divorcees will ever get re-married after their first divorce. about 75% of never-married people in their 20s are projected to get married at some point. Why do older folks forgo marriage even more? Because they have even more assets and look the world in a more realistic light. If they live in their own home, they don't want to risk losing it and gambling away their children's inheritance through potential divorce or something else. This fear is stronger than fear from Hell and Satan, this is why older folks are less likely to remarry than the younger folks are likely to be never-married. 50 years from now, generations will be literally free to forgo marriage completely - since they'll be the generation with mainstream acceptance of out-of-wedlock births and cohabitation. They'll just choose to take another step and forgo marriage completely. This is how mainstream population will finally stop marrying. This isn't too much of a stretch, given the projected 25% share in today's generation, expecting that 50% or more folks born in i.e. 2030s will never get married throughout their lifetime in the future is very realistic and I may say it's an underestimated projection.
The data on divorce and finance is skewed. It's all in the pocket of Big Feminism.
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