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Both elements are important. There's the romantic side for fun and bonding, as well as a business partnership for running the household. Figure out where each partner's strengths lay, and divide the responsibilities thusly. Whether or not to mingle finances is highly individual. We started out with separate finances, but found that consolidating to joint accounts was more practical and earned more interest. Neither one of is "in charge" of finances, but we both manage the aspect that we are better at: I take care of the short-term, including budgeting, allowance distribution (yes, I give him an allowance), and leveraging (or "gearing" to folks in the UK); he manages the long term, including investments and retirement accounts.
Oh man, I thought I was the only one who saw it as a business partnership
Though, I wouldn't marry someone just because he have more money, but more so, how he acquired that money. Was it just mommy and daddy's money, or did he work hard for it? I mean, I am more attracted to someone who works hard overall, regardless of his total value. It's not about the money itself, it's his overall contribution to our "business". I have my own money and I can make my own, no need to depend on a guy.
On this perspective, I married my man because he makes me happy and life is ultimately better with him. I'm not dependent on him, though I know that when the time comes that I would have to (sickness or whatever), he will be there for me (and vice versa). Just like any business partnership, you only join your business if you know it will be beneficiary for both parties; both productive and pleasurable, heading towards one goal. This is very important IMO, you must be heading towards the same goal.
Never will I look as a marriage as a business partnership. I love my fiance. I could not marry him and grow to maybe love him.
I also would never be able to keep the marriage afloat financial. Not in total, and not my half. I do not work.
We do have a partnership of sorts. I will say that. If you look at our relationship, it may bring you back to days of yesteryear. He goes to work, I stay home. I take care of the house. I think that is just fine and do not have a problem with it. We are just taking on separate rolls within the relationship.
I do not sit home and eat bon bons, though. While I do have Rheumatoid Arthritis, I still love helping people and that is what I did in my career when I was working. What I do now is visit with the elderly, help them with diners if they need it, I donate my time with the homeless, spending time with them as well as collecting for them. I also work with animals.
I do what I can in our community.
I could not marry a man and grow to love him watching him taking care of business. I grew to love him watching him grow to love me.....
Being on the same page financially is critical, having the same priorities for saving/spending and compatible financial goals is critical, being in agreement on the nature of each party's individual contributions to the household's financial well-being, whatever those contributions may be, matters A LOT.
But if you're not in a partnership that's based on commitment to building a life together, based on an emotional partnership, mutual respect, caring, and love, why bother? There's no need to hash out all the finances of a business partnership with somebody you have no emotional, caring, loving investment in. You can just be on your own and take care of yourself and not sweat it. The only really good reason to build a life with somebody else who will always be a primary consideration in your life is because you are emotionally bonded to that person and because having them in your life makes your life, and theirs, richer and the better for it. Why sink the time and energy to committing to a "business arrangement" with somebody you have no feelings for? Fly solo, and have yourself as your sole consideration all the time. If the only reason to get married is because you feel you NEED dual incomes in your household, either get a roommate or increase your earnings to where they need to be. Don't get a spouse solely for financial purposes.
I don't see it as a business partnership but finances are a huge factor in whether or not I will marry. I will not marry someone who makes less than I do. Or someone who is financially irresponsible. Quality of life and stability are important to me. And it takes money to have both. I used to romanticize marriage. I'm more practical about it now. But money and love are not mutually exclusive.
I don't have an issue with who makes what, as long as our income meets our needs. And, to paraphrase George Carlin, if need be, we adjust our needs. Both my spouse and I have career paths where income has and will continue to fluctuate depending on what's going on at a particular time. Right now, I'm in a graduate program full time and making a stipend. When I'm done, I'll be making more than I was in my previous career, although that is dependent upon whether or not I work FT when our child is young. My spouse's earnings are different depending on if he is active duty or reserve with a FT civilian job, if he's deployed,his rank, etc.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate
I don't see it as a business partnership but finances are a huge factor in whether or not I will marry. I will not marry someone who makes less than I do. Or someone who is financially irresponsible. Quality of life and stability are important to me. And it takes money to have both. I used to romanticize marriage. I'm more practical about it now. But money and love are not mutually exclusive.
But you wouldn't have the same expectation for your potential spouse.
Me personally as a dude, I don't really think it makes sense for any self sufficient/sustaining man to get married now days. In the event of a divorce (happening more frequently), the man almost NEVER benefits. There's no reason to get married then. Just be with someone you love, hell, live together even. Doesn't mean you have to get married.....
Thats just ME though, just my .02
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