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Old 06-30-2015, 07:37 AM
 
3 posts, read 2,260 times
Reputation: 10

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Please tell me if your boyfriend is the same?

Do opposites attract?
Struggling with 3.5 year relationship finding that i get no chore help even though i work full time like my partner, he is always working on his ute or motorbike i get stuck always cleaning doing dishes and he cant even push his chair in.

When we try and communicate he is just not at all interested in what i have to say. . If i bring up life issues, he says shh its going to turn into an argument, he doesnt like communicating at all.

Everytime i get emotional he'll give a quick cuddle, move on then grab my bits-dont find it sincere sometimes..

We got rid of our Facebook because he'd add women look at photos and say the f word on all comments hes very outgoing sometimes and im more private person and it started becoming sleazy so we got rid of it.

Sometimes i dont feel good enough, i get this weird feeling like he'd rather someone with boobs or a nicer body but he says he loves me and definitely means it.. not sure if italian men, not to be racist are the same? Grumpy attitude quick to snap?

Never buys me flowers or even offers to go for tea, even if i pay to go, but he will if other people are going.. it hurts because he says its boring with just us.. and i dont drink so he feels bored i guess..

I know he loves me but if i ask him to do something its such an effort to him.. i always shop and buy him his favourites..

Am i wasting my time or do other girls have the same problem with their males?

Thanks heaps positive comments please dont be nasty just words of wisdom thank you xo
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Old 06-30-2015, 08:01 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,840 posts, read 30,076,387 times
Reputation: 19016
I'm going to tell you exactly what you don't want to hear.

There is something deeply imbedded that may stem from your childhood....me thinks?

Otherwise, why would you chose someone who is so completely uncaring about your feelings, wants and needs.

This is someone you don't deserve. If you work full time and so does he, you need to help each other out, b/c there is nothing in that home you share together that is totally your job or his....everything about that home is both of yours.

So my question is, why do you put up with it. ???????

Sounds like his mother did everything for him, and he expects you to do the same and your hearing this from a divorced woman who vows, that she will never marry again....why you ask? Because I will never ever be a mother to another man. Because I refuse to give up my identity to make the relationship work, and I refuse to just accept someone in my life to be a couple....when in fact, I end up doing all the work.

There are good men out there, men who were not pampered by their mothers....men who are independent and will help share with all the chores at home.

You on the other hand, need to seriously self explore and find out why you chose someone that is so dysfunctional. Was it b/c you were raised to believe that you have to be a couple to be successful? WRONG!

By him dismissing your needs he is saying to you, "your feelings don't matter and I don't intend to change".
Not to mention, people don't usually change, b/c they can't. They've been conditioned all their lives by their parents, to be who they are....and I promise you, when your dating, if you don't look at how much your boyfriend allows his mother to do for him...you may end up being "his" mother for the rest of your days.

Now if you like that sort of thing, fine, but if you don't, you'd better be a lot more aware when your dating, to observe this person you intend to spend the rest of your life with.

and please, I'm just being direct and honest...not trying to be insulting in any way, b/c I've been here.

Good Luck
Creme
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Old 06-30-2015, 08:08 AM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
1,659 posts, read 1,648,577 times
Reputation: 6149
He sounds like a real winner! Actually he sounds like a big kid who lacks maturity, empathy and clearly doesn't care about your needs. You're in a one sided relationship and he gets all the benefits while you get nothing. You could try counseling but something tells me he'd resist.
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Old 06-30-2015, 08:29 AM
 
Location: New Yawk
9,196 posts, read 7,184,002 times
Reputation: 15313
The Mr. and I are opposites, but we're still compatible and meet each others needs. OP: he sounds incredibly immature, lazy, and inconsiderate.
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Old 06-30-2015, 08:39 AM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,263,329 times
Reputation: 53065
What you're describing doesn't sound like "opposites attract," it sounds like you're with somebody who is a dud.
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Old 06-30-2015, 08:41 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,840 posts, read 30,076,387 times
Reputation: 19016
Or she is with someone she doesn't deserve.....

OP, you deserve much much better!
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Old 06-30-2015, 09:56 AM
 
780 posts, read 674,597 times
Reputation: 886
My husband and I are complete opposite.

I'm "type A", always planning, always on the go doing things, SO is more laid back. He is laid back, but he's not lazy. There is a difference. When I cook, he wash the dishes. He'll actually stop me from washing the dishes so he can do it.

I plan to a tee, SO doesn't care what we do for the day. For example, if we are on a vacation, I would want to have an activity every single day, but his type of vacation is lounging every single day. When I plan our itinerary, even though he doesn't say it, a couple of days here and there will be dedicated to doing nothing but just sleeping in and watching TV in the hotel. Our difference is what gets him to experience more things in life and because of our difference, I am reminded to just sit down and relax. That's just one example.

What you are describing is a different kind of "opposite" and that's the "opposite" type of person that you shouldn't be spending the rest of your life with.
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Old 06-30-2015, 10:02 AM
 
12,585 posts, read 16,874,604 times
Reputation: 15255
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1993 View Post
Please tell me if your boyfriend is the same?

Do opposites attract?
Struggling with 3.5 year relationship finding that i get no chore help even though i work full time like my partner, he is always working on his ute or motorbike i get stuck always cleaning doing dishes and he cant even push his chair in.

When we try and communicate he is just not at all interested in what i have to say. . If i bring up life issues, he says shh its going to turn into an argument, he doesnt like communicating at all.

Everytime i get emotional he'll give a quick cuddle, move on then grab my bits-dont find it sincere sometimes..

We got rid of our Facebook because he'd add women look at photos and say the f word on all comments hes very outgoing sometimes and im more private person and it started becoming sleazy so we got rid of it.

Sometimes i dont feel good enough, i get this weird feeling like he'd rather someone with boobs or a nicer body but he says he loves me and definitely means it.. not sure if italian men, not to be racist are the same? Grumpy attitude quick to snap?

Never buys me flowers or even offers to go for tea, even if i pay to go, but he will if other people are going.. it hurts because he says its boring with just us.. and i dont drink so he feels bored i guess..

I know he loves me but if i ask him to do something its such an effort to him.. i always shop and buy him his favourites..

Am i wasting my time or do other girls have the same problem with their males?

Thanks heaps positive comments please dont be nasty just words of wisdom thank you xo
Yes. You are wasting your time. Move on. He's selfish.
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Old 06-30-2015, 09:19 PM
 
3 posts, read 2,260 times
Reputation: 10
Thank you all so much for the comments really appreciate it.. i feel better and yes I believe i deserve someone else.. thank you xo
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Old 06-30-2015, 09:41 PM
 
3,350 posts, read 2,833,718 times
Reputation: 2258
I broke up with a guy because we too different and we would not budge.
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