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My guess is he isn't falling for the "NSA" line when you admittedly have feelings for him. Even if you haven't outright admitted to him, he's probably a smart cookie and picked up on it.
He's not saying no to sex. He's saying no to sex with you, a person he's been involved with who he knows is emotionally attached. That's not what a person looks for in a "no-strings" arrangement.
That is not so hard to believe, as I am that way. I will be friends with males....no sex, though. One could not handle it and hardly speaks to me. A couple of others are still my friend. This man has made it clear that he does not want to have sex with you. He wants to be just friends with you. It is your choice to accept his offer of friendship or dump him if having sex with him is a prerequisite of being with you.
Quite frankly, I find your posting a bit hard to read. Maybe because I just had a friend dump me when I wouldn't agree to put out for him. It made me feel like I was worthless to him and the times we spent talking on the phone, texting and together meant absolutely nothing to him. I am better off without someone with that kind of expectation of me in my life and I have a feeling your friend would feel the same way if he thought that is your main concern.
Yep. Based on your reaction, you're emotionally invested. If you werent, no post would have been made, you'd have shrugged and moved on. You only feel rejected when emotions are involved.
You wouldn't be "at your rope's end," or feeling like "an ugly grey mouse." You flat out state that you have feelings for him. That's not "compartmentalizing." You're emotionally involved and he knows it and is steering clear.
Nobody likes to be rejected, but perhaps it's more of a bruised ego?
I'm thinking if he's middle aged maybe he has performance issues or a low sex drive. Unless you've proven to get very attached to him in the past and he's just playing it safe.
Have to agree with the other posters, he may be avoiding you because he feels you may become emotionally invested, regardless of what you're saying. And that can quickly become a sticky situation with people not wanting to let go, I'd say no to sex and steer clear of you too if I were in his shoes.
This.
It gets offered up to me periodically, and in general, I refuse (save for last week ), because I just don't want to deal with it, as it's never "compartmentalized" (sometimes it's even me). Here, it's not, since she bought something special, and it's not NSA, if she has residual feelings and is hurt by the rejection. He's most assuredly already picked up on this, and if you're self-aware and not a complete sociopath it's a TON of emotional work to casually cavort around with someone you know likely has feelings.
Yep. Based on your reaction, you're emotionally invested. If you werent, no post would have been made, you'd have shrugged and moved on. You only feel rejected when emotions are involved.
You wouldn't be "at your rope's end," or feeling like "an ugly grey mouse." You flat out state that you have feelings for him. That's not "compartmentalizing." You're emotionally involved and he knows it and is steering clear.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms.Mathlete
My guess is he isn't falling for the "NSA" line when you admittedly have feelings for him. Even if you haven't outright admitted to him, he's probably a smart cookie and picked up on it.
Absolutely spot-on!
I lived a pretty wild life for a few years between my late wife's death and when my current wife moved in. I never wanted to hurt anyone, but there were several who I dated for awhile (intimately) and then dropped 'em. I was dating a few at a time, mostly, and keeping pretty busy. (My way of coping with my late wife's death, I suppose.) I wasn't too picky either. But once it was over, I'd have never considered a NSA relationship with any of them, because I knew that would never have worked with them. It just couldn't.
There was one lady friend who I liked but wasn't interested in sexually. We discussed it after our first "date". I don't think we kissed, or if I did kiss her it was a friendly peck on the cheek. She wondered about that, she said, what a kiss between us would be like. I told her it would lead to some great sex, but I thought it would be better if we just remained friends, and that's what we did. I liked her too much to hurt her, and I simply wasn't physically attracted to her... at all.
But she spent the night at my house several times. She'd boast that the bedroom she used in my house was hers. There were times I thought about inviting her into the master suite. I know she'd have beaten me into it. One morning during breakfast I was giving her a little back rub. She said it really felt good... then moaned a little and said I'd better stop it or she'd have me right there and then. I quit! LOL
OP, I think your guy knows you have strong feelings for him -- that you're vulnerable, and that if the relationship becomes sexual again, he'll either have to stay with you until death or hurt you again. He's not ready to make that commitment. Good for him. Sounds like he has some class. I wouldn't push it if I were you.
I'm trying to resist the urge to go off here.... a man tells you the truth, tells you to your face he doesn't want to hurt you, he makes a point of not using you for sex and yet this is the reaction he gets...
I'm not a poster here that give women too much of a hard time, but this is a ****ing annoying thread you started here OP........narcissistic as well, just cause a man isn't panting to bang you, it turns your whole world upside down and get all weird and self conscious about it... damn it's just sex, it isn't the end of the world. I know women aren't used to men trying to be fair about things and not using... and just after the P...... but damn... not all men are walking hardons without any thoughts or feelings.....
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Some of us guys are emotionally available and care about the people we are intimate with.
), because I just don't want to deal with it, as it's never "compartmentalized" (sometimes it's even me). Here, it's not, since she bought something special, and it's not NSA, if she has residual feelings and is hurt by the rejection. He's most assuredly already picked up on this, and if you're self-aware and not a complete sociopath it's a TON of emotional work to casually cavort around with someone you know likely has feelings.
Absolutely spot-on!
