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After reading this, before you respond, I ask that you please go easy on me. I've dealt with a lot of rejection in my life, so although this situation may seem superficial, it's really playing a number on my self esteem right now, and quite honestly I'm kinda just hurt at the moment. Anyways, here goes:
Long story short, it's been going on a year since I've last had sex. I miss the physical touch of a man so bad. I recently met an attractive man that's in the same boat; we were both looking for friends with benefits. We went out on 2 dates and talked everyday for 2 weeks and decided we wanted to proceed with being fwb. He's 30, I'm 36, and he seemed normal/mature. The physical chemistry between us was very intense. Plus we also seemed to be on the same level maturity wise. We decided last weekend we would meet and get together. We met for dinner, later got a room, talked/chilled, then started getting into it. An hour into it, he's about to pull it out and go in...without a condom. I stop him just in time and ask if he brought one. He gives me a blank look and says no, since he knew I was on the pill he 'thought we were good'. He said he could go get one, left, then text me saying he couldn't find a store that's open and it must not have been meant to be. He never came back. 2 days have past and I have not heard from him. I'm crushed.
Lack of respect for sexual partners' decisions in regards to safe sex is simply lack of respect for the individual.
It is your decision and it should be respected. The way he went about the situation is totally immature. I've had a few FWB and never ever pushed the issue. I respect them as a friend first and a partner second. I wouldn't be a good friend if I did otherwise. Heck, I'm a guy and I myself would insist on a condom.
While he was out supposedly looking for one he did send a text saying he was truly sorry and this was all his fault.
But I couldn't shake the feeling that when he walked out that door, he had decided he wasn't going to look and he wasn't coming back. I just felt it and I can't understand why. Why get that close to it and not just go find a condom and come back? Why haven't I heard from him?
Oh come on, you don't know if he's disease free. Of course he needs to wear a condom, it's reasonable even for fwb.
On an unrelated note, if you want to work on your self-esteem, seeking a fwb doesn't usually help. If you are truly interested in a fwb relationship, you need to be mentally strong enough to simply not care... if you do, then fwb is not for you. I recommend staying away from guys for a while and work on your own issues for a while.
Why get that close to it and not just go find a condom and come back? Why haven't I heard from him?
Because he is jerk. I would even question if he is "in the same boat" as you. Sounds like he was simply taking advantage of you.
A lesson..... Always have condoms on hand at all times. This goes for guys and gals. For guys especially if they have a particular type/brand they prefer.
No loss, but seriously, this should have been discussed before you met for sex and got down. Seriously. This is not area to make assumptions.
I'm not new to sex and I've never had to tell a man to bring a condom ever. I know some things shouldn't be assumed. But no protection the first time with someone new? Who's a fwb?
While he was out supposedly looking for one he did send a text saying he was truly sorry and this was all his fault.
But I couldn't shake the feeling that when he walked out that door, he had decided he wasn't going to look and he wasn't coming back. I just felt it and I can't understand why. Why get that close to it and not just go find a condom and come back? Why haven't I heard from him?
Seriously, it sounds like you care waaay too much how he perceives you. While there's nothing wrong with that, you need to recognize that you put yourself in a tough position by caring so much about rejection and seeking no-strings-attached arrangements where the other party is meant to not give a damn.
I don't want to be mean here, but do you think you subconsciously seek out rejections? If you don't like rejections, why do you put yourself in these situations where rejections are likely to happen?
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