Why do girls expect for there to be fireworks on a first date? (boyfriend, woman)
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ugh that happens a lot...my wife said the same thing, that at one point it was about everyone else and not us...I used to tell her it was "her day" which made her mad, no its "our day"...dang it, that means I have to help with more than the tuxedos and bachelor party
Yea standing up your parents is hard especially they are paying.
This is an important topic. As a guy I don't know much about what guys think about this. I DO know, from my days on OLD that women are very unrealistic about first date chemistry. On a website I used to be on I temporarily suspended by profile (I was in a relationship) and in its place put a little essay I wrote about how women should give every guy at least two, and possibly three, dates before deciding if there was any 'chemistry'. I got several responses from women that admitted to being quick to decide there wasn't any chemistry even while admitting they didn't exactly know what real chemistry would feel like. One of them I actually dated for a short while.
I have no scientific proof, but I do not think that "dating" as most of you guys practice it is a very effective way of securing romantic companionship. In the salad days of my early adulthood you started a relationship with someone you knew. If you didn't you went in with a totally opposite mindset to what prevails today. Today's gal and guy want to know why this person doesn't do it for them. Like the job interview where their goal is to see why they shouldn't hire you instead of why they should. It is a subtle distinction but important. If you want to find reasons not to find a person attractive you can, and will. That is the only explanation for why a woman (or man) can go on 50 dates and not find a single one of them relationshipworthy.
Unfortunately this culture that has been established of everyone feeling like they have such a unique mix of qualities that only one in one million of the opposited sex will get them and vice versa... that wouldn't change even if you got people to agree to date longer before calling it quits. It is precisely because each of us is so unique why a system based on matching like with like is doomed to fail. I've been with women of every personal description. Most people cannot say that. They have a "type" and seek people that match that "type" over and over and over.
Last edited by Leisesturm; 07-08-2015 at 12:19 PM..
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leisesturm
I have no scientific proof, but I do not think that "dating" as most of you guys practice it is a very effective way of securing romantic companionship. In the salad days of my early adulthood you started a relationship with someone you knew.
Well, I'm 43, not sure how old you are, and I agree. Most relationships started with a hook up, then blossomed into more. The dating occurred after the physical.
Sure, that still happens a lot today, but less so, I think. It is far more effective as you already knew if there was physical/sexual chemistry before the dating starts.
Guys expect fireworks too! I've learned not to rein in the flirt (i used to be cautious in order not to be slutty).
Fireworks tend to go hand in hand with witty banter. However, I don't think that fireworks necessarily lead to a good relationship. I can have an attraction to someone I wouldn't want to date.
This is an important topic. As a guy I don't know much about what guys think about this. I DO know, from my days on OLD that women are very unrealistic about first date chemistry..
Maybe this is the OP's problem. I've been wondering why the OP thinks women expect fireworks on the first date. Maybe it's an OLD thing. OP should try different ways to meet women.
Yeah I sure as heck never expected or wanted the fairy tale white picket fence. I wanted to stand on my own and do me-things. Wanted to be an artist and stuff like that. My ex-hubs on the other hand was the one who wanted to grow old and die together, and be together in the next life, and wanted to be married, and is utterly devestated with the idea of being alone, even just for a while. Either he's got someone to give him what he needs now and forever, or he'll NEVER HAVE LOVE AGAIN AND WILL DIE PATHETIC AND MISERABLE AND ALONE AND IN PAIN...
*falls over of sheer melodrama*
I think the whole wedding industry, and in particular the jewelry industry is a wicked, wicked scam. I loathe it. If a man gave me a (newly purchased) diamond, I'd throw it at him and run the other way. Thoughtful and unique gifts, preferably made by artists who actually get real benefit from the money spent, or an heirloom with a story...that's more what I like. Investment in history, provenance, and real significance as opposed to just money. And I think if people are falling for, "I spent a lot of money on her, so she will love me a lot, right?" the whole thing is getting off on the wrong foot in a big way.
That said, do not do what my exhubs did, even if you do get a JOP wedding. He didn't get me any kind of ring, or gift of any kind at all. We stopped on a road trip and I decided I kind of wanted a wedding ring (months after we made it official) and I purchased myself a plain silver band to wear on my ring finger. From one of those touristy truckstop type places. If your SO is buying themselves gifts because you completely fail to give them anything at all when you should, then you're being a thoughtless arse. This goes for holidays and birthdays too. I felt completely unloved and miserable several times a year, to the point that I'd just start going out alone and treating myself...and before anyone asks, yes, I did for many years do lots of nice things for him and gave him gifts, hosted gatherings of his family & friends, etc.
The white picket fence is a lie.
Sometimes the fireworks/sparks/chemistry...is also a lie.
Maybe this is the OP's problem. I've been wondering why the OP thinks women expect fireworks on the first date. Maybe it's an OLD thing. OP should try different ways to meet women.
I use OLD and I never had any expectation of fireworks. Expecting fireworks on a boring coffee date or something similar with a stranger would be setting yourself up for disappointment.
I use OLD and I never had any expectation of fireworks. Expecting fireworks on a boring coffee date or something similar with a stranger would be setting yourself up for disappointment.
Yup, You'd think. I wonder if the OP will come back and explain his experience and his view that women want fireworks on the first date.
This is an important topic. As a guy I don't know much about what guys think about this. I DO know, from my days on OLD that women are very unrealistic about first date chemistry.
I really think "no fireworks" or "no chemistry" early on in OLD in a lot of cases really means they aren't interested in you. Heck, I've used that excuse. Meet someone and they aren't at all what you expected (used old pictures, exaggerated in a profile, they have all the personality of a wet towel... whatever) and I really didn't want to go out again. It was a white lie, but saying, "I just didn't feel chemistry" seemed a whole lot better than saying, "meh, I am not interested in you" or "you aren't my type physically" or "I really don't like you all that much." One excuse blames "circumstances" while the others are more personal.
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