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I'm going out of my tree trying to figure out a situation with a man I've been dating for 3 months.
We met online. He's amazing, he's so respectful, we talk LITERALLY 24/7 since we've started dating via text. We see each other a few times a week. Now heres the deal:
He's 34, I'm 7 years younger. He's finalizing a divorce, and I'm single. He has 2 kids, I have none (but love kids). We have SO much in common. Its tough to get him to make plans sometimes, but I'm okay with that as he just got his house back, works 6 days a week, and has so much on his plate. If he's too tired to go out, we'll stay in and watch movies. I see him a few times a week. He's met my friends, I've met his, they all get along. Sounds perfect right? Here's where its not..
I have a habit of coming off clingy and needy via text to him sometimes. I'm terrified because I like him so much, but he wasn't ready to put a label on our relationship. He tells me he doesn't date other women, but I still get insecure. We argue sometimes (not bad arguing, no name calling, nothing mean) via text, never in person.
Until two weeks ago. I messed up. I was very rude to him all night in front of our friends. I was in a bad mood, I took it out on him. He told me the next day we need to walk away, but we have still talked daily. Our convos remain the same, we've hung out a few times, but he will randomly get distant or not answer my texts for the rest of the day. I told him that if we can't continue dating, we should stop talking, because we were never JUST friends so we never will be. He gets upset and doesn't want that. He told me watching me date other guys would sting a bit, but I can if I want to because he never asked me not to.
I know I caused him to draw back by constantly being insecure and bringing up our relationship status. I know I've come off as needy. I told him I'd change. He then said he realized he's not ready for a relationship, but he won't let me go!! Why? Did I just turn him off to the idea of a relationship right now with me, or does he just not want one with me?
Do I just draw back and not initiate contact, or does this seem like a lost cause? We've even been talking all day today as well. I'm so confused and hurt. Please help me.
The guy is still married going through a divorce (so he claims), has two kids (you'll always be last on his priority list), doesn't want to be in relationship (not ready, probably wont be for a while)
Yeah.... you're not his top priority, and I don't say this to be snarky, I say it as the truth, you'd be better off moving on and finding someone else, some with some more free time.
I'm going out of my tree trying to figure out a situation with a man I've been dating for 3 months.
We met online. He's amazing, he's so respectful, we talk LITERALLY 24/7 since we've started dating via text. We see each other a few times a week. Now heres the deal:
He's 34, I'm 7 years younger. He's finalizing a divorce, and I'm single. He has 2 kids, I have none (but love kids). We have SO much in common. Its tough to get him to make plans sometimes, but I'm okay with that as he just got his house back, works 6 days a week, and has so much on his plate. If he's too tired to go out, we'll stay in and watch movies. I see him a few times a week. He's met my friends, I've met his, they all get along. Sounds perfect right? Here's where its not..
I have a habit of coming off clingy and needy via text to him sometimes. I'm terrified because I like him so much, but he wasn't ready to put a label on our relationship. He tells me he doesn't date other women, but I still get insecure. We argue sometimes (not bad arguing, no name calling, nothing mean) via text, never in person.
Until two weeks ago. I messed up. I was very rude to him all night in front of our friends. I was in a bad mood, I took it out on him. He told me the next day we need to walk away, but we have still talked daily. Our convos remain the same, we've hung out a few times, but he will randomly get distant or not answer my texts for the rest of the day. I told him that if we can't continue dating, we should stop talking, because we were never JUST friends so we never will be. He gets upset and doesn't want that. He told me watching me date other guys would sting a bit, but I can if I want to because he never asked me not to.
I know I caused him to draw back by constantly being insecure and bringing up our relationship status. I know I've come off as needy. I told him I'd change. He then said he realized he's not ready for a relationship, but he won't let me go!! Why? Did I just turn him off to the idea of a relationship right now with me, or does he just not want one with me?
Do I just draw back and not initiate contact, or does this seem like a lost cause? We've even been talking all day today as well. I'm so confused and hurt. Please help me.
You haven't done anything wrong. He is just not available for a full time relationship or if he is, he doesn't want one with you. I think you're wasting your time. If you want another woman's leftovers then stay.
I'm going out of my tree trying to figure out a situation with a man I've been dating for 3 months.
We met online. He's amazing, he's so respectful, we talk LITERALLY 24/7 since we've started dating via text. We see each other a few times a week. Now heres the deal:
He's 34, I'm 7 years younger. He's finalizing a divorce, and I'm single. He has 2 kids, I have none (but love kids). We have SO much in common. Its tough to get him to make plans sometimes, but I'm okay with that as he just got his house back, works 6 days a week, and has so much on his plate. If he's too tired to go out, we'll stay in and watch movies. I see him a few times a week. He's met my friends, I've met his, they all get along. Sounds perfect right? Here's where its not..
I have a habit of coming off clingy and needy via text to him sometimes. I'm terrified because I like him so much, but he wasn't ready to put a label on our relationship. He tells me he doesn't date other women, but I still get insecure. We argue sometimes (not bad arguing, no name calling, nothing mean) via text, never in person.
Until two weeks ago. I messed up. I was very rude to him all night in front of our friends. I was in a bad mood, I took it out on him. He told me the next day we need to walk away, but we have still talked daily. Our convos remain the same, we've hung out a few times, but he will randomly get distant or not answer my texts for the rest of the day. I told him that if we can't continue dating, we should stop talking, because we were never JUST friends so we never will be. He gets upset and doesn't want that. He told me watching me date other guys would sting a bit, but I can if I want to because he never asked me not to.
I know I caused him to draw back by constantly being insecure and bringing up our relationship status. I know I've come off as needy. I told him I'd change. He then said he realized he's not ready for a relationship, but he won't let me go!! Why? Did I just turn him off to the idea of a relationship right now with me, or does he just not want one with me?
Do I just draw back and not initiate contact, or does this seem like a lost cause? We've even been talking all day today as well. I'm so confused and hurt. Please help me.
My daughter was in a three yr relationship with a decent,kind man. I kept warning her not to do the whiny, do you think o f me when were not together and the usual other yada yada. He told her up front no marriage for him as he lost alot from first divorce. He had some serious health issues and couldnt make it the 50 mile drive up to see her. Guess he had some serious thinking and called her to tell her he couldnt put any more into the relationship than what he already had. She was devastated. Didnt say I told you so no nothing. Hope she learned something as know the needy and insecure can destroy relationships. The woman is 50 and been married and divorced 3 times all from poor choices. I know its hard but try to be a little harder to catch and not always available. Good luck to you
Thanks everyone. I appreciate it. I think I tried so hard because I felt like he wasn't. I just kept telling myself that he'd realize we'd be really good together, and forgetting the fact he wasn't ready. Initially he thought he'd be ready to move on, as the soon-to-be ex-wife already has a new bf and a new life. I guess I am just wasting my time. What do I do if he comes around and tries to initiate seeing me (I'll hold my breath)? Would someone like this ever be able to realize they're going to lose someone they care about, and make themselves ready, or do I just completely ditch him? Thanks again everyone. Its good to hear unbiased opinions.
You acknowledge how much he has on his plate, and then you pile on. What do you expect? This guy is going through a divorce. He wants to have fun, not be pressured to turn around and get into another relationship. If you can't accept his terms, you need to move on -- probably to someone closer to your age who is single and has no kids so he can give you all the attention and reassurance you seem to need.
BTW it is OK to expect and want more, just not from this guy.
You acknowledge how much he has on his plate, and then you pile on. What do you expect? This guy is going through a divorce. He wants to have fun, not be pressured to turn around and get into another relationship. If you can't accept his terms, you need to move on -- probably to someone closer to your age who is single and has no kids so he can give you all the attention and reassurance you seem to need.
BTW it is OK to expect and want more, just not from this guy.
I know. I've realized after that I was just stressing him out more. He has to have shoulder surgery soon which will put him out of commission so he's rushing to get everything done. I've apologized more than you can imagine. I've just never had such feelings for someone I met not that long ago. I'd rather accept his terms than be without him right now, but I don't even know if I've pushed him too far away for that to be an option. Urgh, I hate feeling like this. I feel like I've lost myself trying to make this work, but I also can't fathom to see it end.
Thanks everyone. I appreciate it. I think I tried so hard because I felt like he wasn't. I just kept telling myself that he'd realize we'd be really good together, and forgetting the fact he wasn't ready. Initially he thought he'd be ready to move on, as the soon-to-be ex-wife already has a new bf and a new life. I guess I am just wasting my time. What do I do if he comes around and tries to initiate seeing me (I'll hold my breath)? Would someone like this ever be able to realize they're going to lose someone they care about, and make themselves ready, or do I just completely ditch him? Thanks again everyone. Its good to hear unbiased opinions.
Why do you think he is separated? He wants to play around and you're helping him play around.
You can tell him to drop everything else in his life to be with you but he will most likely just tell you what we've already told you.
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