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See, I loved talking on the phone when I was in the dating scene, and a lot of the men I talked to and dated enjoyed this. My husband isn't a huge phone talker, but we talked a great deal in the beginning, and Skyped a lot. At this point we mostly message on FB, and call each other occasionally.
I'd just tell the guy (and any others) that you prefer talking in person or communicating through e-mail.
I love phone calls with certain people! I think it is important to see how - or if - your communication styles &energy mesh. I think if you don't like talking on the phone w/ a (potential) partner, then really, what does that say... ?!
This, absolutely. This was how I gauged conversation skills and mutual vibe/energy early on, and I have a thing for voices. It's also how I built a rapport and felt the person out before meeting in person, and this allowed for virtually little or no awkwardness upon first meeting since we got all of the usual stuff out of the way during the initial phone conversations.
So I met this guy and he keeps calling me at times that are just not convenient. At dinner the other night he asked me if I was ever going to talk to him on the phone. Which made me realize...this has come up before. Here I am trying to give a guy his space, and frequently they seem to want more non-face-to-face contact than I do.
I don't mind emailing frequently because I use a computer a lot at work. I don't see the point of having anything but the briefest of conversations via text. and I just don't seem to be that motivated to chat on the phone. To me that is for making plans to see each other, but I don't really seem to need conversation about how was your day, (or to tell anyone about my day, for that matter). I'd rather have that conversation in person, and if we have to wait a week for that, fine! I guess some people just want to check in, and don't need a long conversation, but it is hard for me to be motivated to call someone when I'm nesting at home (with my kids, or alone). Even my kids will tell you, if there is too much conversation, I'll just tune it out. Or leave the room.
Seems like I gave up chatting on the phone when I got married. Since the internet, I can keep up with friends just fine via facebook updates and messages, and the occasional get together. The only person I talk to at any length is my mom, and she is doing 95% of the talking. Sometimes I talk to my brother on the phone, but maybe 10 minutes will take care of it.
I'm content with my levels of introversion at home (I'm very much an extrovert at work so I need my down time) So how can I convey this to a guy I"m dating without coming across as standoffish or weird? After all, their need for frequent communication (or is it just validation) seems weird to me.
You sound completely in touch with yourself and sane to me. I'd just be real honest and up-front with the guy some time when you are face-to-face and see how he responds.
It happened to me years ago. I was giving a girl a ride to work regularly and she would just talk her head off all the way to work. Then, through conversation she realized I was OK with her just sitting there, so that's what we did. Silence. All the way to work. Our friendship strengthened.
I love phone calls with certain people! I think it is important to see how - or if - your communication styles &energy mesh. I think if you don't like talking on the phone w/ a (potential) partner, then really, what does that say... ?!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Metaphysique
This, absolutely. This was how I gauged conversation skills and mutual vibe/energy early on, and I have a thing for voices. It's also how I built a rapport and felt the person out before meeting in person, and this allowed for virtually little or no awkwardness upon first meeting since we got all of the usual stuff out of the way during the initial phone conversations.
I don't see how any of that is better than just getting to know someone face to face. Again I don't mind talking more on the phone down the road but I don't want to get to know someone over the phone first.
This, absolutely. This was how I gauged conversation skills and mutual vibe/energy early on, and I have a thing for voices. It's also how I built a rapport and felt the person out before meeting in person, and this allowed for virtually little or no awkwardness upon first meeting since we got all of the usual stuff out of the way during the initial phone conversations.
I totally get what you say about voices. A man's voice can be SO appealing and make him (potentially) more attractive. Or not.
Exactly! And it also can mean that, by not constantly texting/calling, you both really look forward to seeing each other and value your time together.
As with most things in life, quality of communication almost always trumps quantity. Just because you're not always texting/calling doesn't at all mean you're not thinking about the other person. And frequent calling/texting isn't necessarily indicative of strong, loving feelings. As the OP suggests, it might reflect little more than a need for validation.
Totally agree! I've been on dates where we had talked and talked and TALKED on the phone right up until the date...then there's nothing left for the date itself!
It does seem a bit unusual for HIM to be so phone-oriented as guys usually can't wait to get off the phone and actually would rather just meet.
With women, I prefer to do more talking on the phone than texting. I find texting only useful for the simplest of messages. Since I date mostly women in their 20s, this can be a challenge because they generally prefer texting. I also generally meet my dates through in person means. I have used dating sites/apps in the past and not had a lot of good experiences with them.
I had given him the same ringtone as my family to let me know that it was one of them when my phone rang, and not a client or robocall. The first time my sister called me after we broke up, I gnashed my teeth. It was Pavlovian. Needless to say, I gave my family a completely different ringtone after that!
Oh, and he was the kind of guy who, if I didn't answer my landline, would call my cell phone. The man knew I worked at home and did a lot of phone work (journalist, so interviews) and if I didn't interrupt my work when the call-waiting sound went off, the cell would go off a few minutes later. I actually got rid of my cell phone for about a year, which I thought would make it better, but it only led to more call-waiting interruptions. It got to the point where I was emailing him my interview schedule for the day because "if it just rings and rings, I'm talking to someone and will call you back" didn't sink in.
I did get another cell phone and it was right back to the old ways. So I just told him to call my cell during my work hours and if I was not in the middle of an interview or writing, I would answer it. Then I simply put the cell on mute and left it in my purse.
Meanwhile, I didn't even have his work number or a way to reach him while he was working because he wasn't allowed to keep his cell phone on him while in the facility. Not that I would have called him and interrupted his day without a good reason, anyway.
I don't see how any of that is better than just getting to know someone face to face. Again I don't mind talking more on the phone down the road but I don't want to get to know someone over the phone first.
I don't use dating sites to meet strangers, so if someone has my #, we've already been face to face..Lol. Calling is for that in-between time. Having a good flow is important in any relationship.
I totally get what you say about voices. A man's voice can be SO appealing and make him (potentially) more attractive. Or not.
Ok wasn't there a Seinfeld joke about this? What are we, whales? I stick my guns on this issue, face to face is the best way. Heck with the phone.
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