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I am in my second marriage after losing my first wife in an auto accident. I loved my first wife but also really loved her family. Family events with her Mom and Dad and her extended family were so much fun. I loved them and they loved me.
I love my second wife, but her family, not so much. I make every effort to be nice, friendly and conversationally. My wife says I do as well as expected.
Back when we were dating, I met my current wife's family for the first time and were really turned off. I think the feeling was mutual. I thought of breaking the relationship off because I always thought that the family that you marry into can have such an impact on the happiness of your marriage. (It sure did in my first marriage- in a very positive way.) Your thoughts?
Possibly, yes. I always got along very well with my friends' and boyfriends' families. My family is very close as well. If they did not like him, or if I did not get along with his famiy yet would have to see them a lot, I would hesitate. I know some people have horrible families and are basically estranged. That would be understandable.
How long was your engagement? How frequently do you have to interact with these people?
No, I would not reject someone who I had a great relationship with just because I dislike their relatives, but hopefully I just wouldn't have to deal with them much. I hardly associate with my own relatives so it shouldn't be hard not to associate with theirs.
People have no control over the family they are born into, so it depends on the context of the situation and how they deal with it. If they are otherwise decent people but you just don't get along with them, probably best to move on if your SO is close with them. If it's a situation of complete dysfunction and your SO gets too involved with the drama, also a good idea to move on. It really comes down to how important your SO is to you, and whether or not you can deal with the situation you'd be taking on. I joke around at how my husband hit the jackpot by not having to deal in-laws... but it is lonely, especially in an area where big, extended families are the norm.
If she's really close to her family and expects them to be an integral part of her daily life, then I would break it off. It would be a constant battle... This would be especially true if she expects to always live nearby. Even worse, if she places a priority on them over you.
Otherwise, no... I wouldn't hold her accountable for her family. She didn't choose her family.
First time around from the get go I was not good enough or rough around the edges or didn't pander to their pathetic nature. Yet, I mowed their lawns, fixed the broken stuff, delivered the eulogy at their father/grandfather's funeral. All of this while holding down a job or two jobs, running a business. I always had a job
Compared to the other son in law who was a plumber, fired from every plumbing outfit in town, pot smoking, lazy useless loser. He was the favorite. Mainly due to being an ass kisser.
The upshot of it all was the day they called me when the pipes froze in their house. Wait, why didn't call your favorite, the unemployed plumber. Nope, I had pipes thawed in 5 minutes and they were in business.
The day I divorced the ex, it was the happiest day of my life. If I would have trusted my instinct and paid attention to the signs around me, this could have all been avoided.
Bad: Cold, distant, aloof. Don't think much of me.
If I felt they were a danger to me, yes I would break it off. But they just didn't like me and weren't civil? Who gives a crap?
Just limit your time with them. Maybe also consider why they don't like you and whether there is some legitimacy to that. And if there isn't legitimacy to their issues, then just feel bad for them and be amused by them.
Your relationship is with your wife, not with her family. As long as she understands that there is a weird rift and that the blame lies with them, their feelings are irrelevant.
From a personal perspective, the way I see it, I've got enough people who love and cherish me in my life - I'm happy with that as a single person. Why would I need more if I was in a relationship with someone who was already adding to my life by their presence?
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