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- Never underestimate the importance of family compatibility. If you marry someone, you marry their family. And never underestimate their family's ability to turn them against you.
- People are not fixer-uppers, despite what that song in Frozen says. If something significant bothers you about someone, it is unlikely to ever truly change.
- Persistent flakiness is unacceptable from a partner.
- Love doesn't conquer all. You need fiscal responsibility, sexual compatibility, effective communication, lifestyle compatibility, and yes, physical attraction to make it work.
- If they have a bad temper, start drama, or are disrespectful of others, sooner or later that will be directed at you.
And most importantly: it's better to be alone than with the wrong person.
Watch family dynamics and where your SO fits into them. I dated one dude who was very insecure and jealous and would get his feelings hurt easily. Poor communication skills. There are times he'd just stop talking to me and I'd have no clue why. He had some really odd views about male/female interaction in relationships too. It was pretty ridiculous looking back at it, but I wanted to help him because, duh, that's what good Christian women do. And in his own way, he did care about me. Anyway, I met his family one weekend and boy, was it pretty obvious where all that came from. They started to become a regular fixture (we were in college at the time) and he got worse.
Now, it's one thing if your SO realizes that the dynamics are harmful and are trying to pull themselves out. That was my situation. But my SO was completely loyal to his family, to the point where I sensed I'd always come second to them. I imagined having those people as in laws, uncles and grandparents to my potential kids and I couldn't do it, knowing that he'd probably do nothing to mitigate the dysfunction. There were times where it seemed like he would change, but it was too great a risk to take with my future and the future of any kids we might have. That, and some other things that happened few months later, made me decide to end it.
It's been so long ago, I don't really remember any big lessons, other than that a relationship from age 21-23 probably isn't going to last. He and I are Facebook friends and we are so different now, I cannot imagine how we were compatible once upon a time.
- Never underestimate the importance of family compatibility. If you marry someone, you marry their family. And never underestimate their family's ability to turn them against you.
- People are not fixer-uppers, despite what that song in Frozen says. If something significant bothers you about someone, it is unlikely to ever truly change.
- Persistent flakiness is unacceptable from a partner.
- Love doesn't conquer all. You need fiscal responsibility, sexual compatibility, effective communication, lifestyle compatibility, and yes, physical attraction to make it work.
- If they have a bad temper, start drama, or are disrespectful of others, sooner or later that will be directed at you.
And most importantly: it's better to be alone than with the wrong person.
I think you brought out everything I was thinking.
To add: be careful they are not just painting a nice picture of themselves to you but underlying there is a whole different person.
For me it was a turning point, because that was the first normal, healthy, stable relationship I had ever had with another human being. Just by how he treated me, he helped me see for the first time that I was worthy of being loved, and that there was a world full of good, decent people who weren't looking to take advantage of me.
Love can turn into hate on a dime.
Love in of itself is not enough.
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