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So last night, I was just playing around on Facebook when I got a message from..... let's say a friend of my friend. I've met the dude at a couple of parties but I don't know him that well. So I got a DM last night from him and he asks me straight up "you are a cool dude, I ain't judging; but are you gay?" I say a straight no for that question. Needless to say, that question rubbed me the wrong way. Personally, I feel that is no one's business but mine.
I don't talk about dating or girls at all. My dating life is non-existent, simply due to wanting to avoid rejection, not because I haven't seen girls that are attractive to me. This is not the first time I've been asked or been accused of being gay. It seems like I cannot be a tall black man and speak proper English, dress well, be well-spoken and be shy without being gay.
So to the gallery, would you think it is appropriate at all to ask someone if they are gay if you suspect so?
it really depends on the situation. for instance, lets say you are at a bar with guys and chicks cruising the scene. and lets say you are acting a bit effeminate, and a guy comes up to you looking for a date. it would be appropriate to ask if you are gay, in a subtle manner, before pushing for a date.
on the other hand if you are minding your own business doing what ever it is you normally do during the day, and someone comes up and asks straight if you are gay, then no it isnt appropriate to ask.
in the end i agree with you that it is no one elses business if you are gay or not, and it is generally not appropriate to ask the vast majority of the time.
It is definitely inappropriate...that friend of your friend was being inconsiderate. Perhaps he didn't mean any real harm or malice, but still, he was rude.
However, I think you need to try not to be so sensitive about this stuff. It's not a big deal...no need to be uptight. Not everyone is considerate or of sound judgment when asking questions...that's just life. S**t happens. Part of being mature and self-secure is being able to handle inappropriate questions and situations with grace and then moving on. Like another poster in this thread said, most guys would just shrug it off and/or have a sense of humor about it...and then put the whole thing behind them a minute later.
The thing is, some people are just going to eventually wonder about a guy's sexual orientation when they rarely or never see him with a woman, or never notice him flirt with a woman, etc. Same goes for women who seem to never flirt with and/or date guys. That's just the way it is. Most adults are accustomed to other adults either being in relationships, or if single...dating at least every now and then.
Burgler could be right, though...that dude may have just been poking fun at you and being a jerk.
I would say no. Sexual Orientation is not anyone's business.
Even if a woman wanted to date you, and wondered if you were free, asking "Are you gay?" isn't good. Simply asking you for a date or get-together would do. If someone is gay, and you ask them out, they'll tell you they're gay, or not interested. No need for that tactless question.
Annoying how tactless some are. I usually keep headphones in my ears to avoid dealing with most people. lol
Hm. To me, it's not an offensive question, just nosey or intrusive unless the person is interested in dating you. It's irrelevant to how you should be treated in interacting with someone you don't know well. Like, why did this guy need to know whether you were gay or not beyond his own prurient curiosity?
That seems like an inappropriately nosey question, and I can't see a situation where I would ask someone that. On the other hand, if someone asked me that question I wouldn't care and would probably answer it.
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I myself would not be offended, if, because they were interested in me, someone asked me if I was gay or not. Obviously they want to know! It's not being discourteous or nasty, it's just because they want to find out if they can date you or not. The fact that we now have gay people everywhere, make it more complicated when straight people want to date. So, go ahead and ask the question "are you gay or are you not?" And then followed up with, "if you're not gay I'd like to go out with you."just a very sincere and polite. Hell, I can't tell if anybody's Gay anymore or not!I would probably have to ask the question myself! I've had plenty of people make mistakes with me one way or another, and I wasn't really offended. It's just that, plenty of women feel like they can dress like men, be aggressive in careers and work, et cetera.we are allowed to get pushy, angry, have a good sense of humor and swear.we don't have to go around looking "lipstick lesbian" or "feminine". Or, SUPER – STRAIGHT.you absolutely CANNOT TELL what somebody is up to anymore so just ASK THEM, very politely and sincerely and courteously.
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