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I think that relationships have the potential to be a lot more meaningful and awesome in one's 30's and beyond. If only because you're kind of a dumbarse in your 20's. Sorry, but it's true. I didn't know myself until I got into my 30's. You're just not done cooking...hell, maybe we never really are, but 20-somethings are barely adults and still figuring out so much about themselves and about people. I love myself so much more, I am SO MUCH COOLER in my 30's than I ever was in my 20's. I'm ready to shuck the BS and get real and live life in far more fulfilling ways. So bottom line...relationships are better when YOU are. For a lot of us, that means a bit of age and perspective.
As for choosing, moving or not moving, finding The One, and all of that... I've become a pretty serious believer in "There is no one true way." People are just wired to enjoy different dynamics sometimes. As long as no one is pining away for more, or being overwhelmed, or getting jealous and upset...as long as expectations are honest and realistic and people are happy with what's going on, I don't know that you need to choose. I don't know that you need to be exclusive to be serious. That's a social norm and a construct. Figure out what works for you. If you can do this honestly and both of these women are cool with stuff, I don't see a reason not to. Also, as far as people moving or not moving, following a woman or not doing so, etc. it's just a matter of your personal priorities. And again, there's really no one right answer, it's something you've got to work out for yourself. Don't be afraid of commitment for its own sake. Just evaluate things as realistically and in as self aware a manner possible. Even when you do, you're bound to make some choices you'll regret later, but that is life. And we never get to know how it would have worked out if we'd done things differently.
I've never been in an exclusive relationship, always been satisfied with hookups and cultivating multiple casual relationships with no expectation of exclusivity
This seems common with your generation.
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Originally Posted by Mighty_Pelican
These women help me set free my potential and motivate me to become a better man. They make me want to be with them and cultivate something wonderful.
That right there is a great definition of when it's "right". When they make you want to be a better person. That's great for you. And I think you should also take it as a sign that you're emotionally ready to graduate from these NSA hook-ups to something more meaningful. I guess the problem for you is that there are two such people. That is unusual!
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Originally Posted by Mighty_Pelican
I myself won't be here for more than one year or two. This was an issue the first and second time I've felt this way as well. Do you try to cultivate a relationship in these cases?
YES. Anything could happen in a year or two! That's a way long time, in today's world. If a serious relationship develops naturally, I wouldn't shun it just because you plan to move in two years. If things go well, maybe she'll move with you. Or maybe you two, together, will pick a new place to move to. Anything could happen. As far as the one woman who is definitely moving in 6 months - well, that's a little less black and white. It really depends on how much you like her. If she emerges as the one you really can't stop thinking about then... it's worth a shot. If you're more ambivalent, then that could be your tie-breaker right there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mighty_Pelican
I am of the philosophy that at any given time, there are multiple people in the world that one could theoretically foster healthy, meaningful, attentive, sincere romantic relationships with. There isn't a such thing as one person you are "destined" to find and be with.
I am completely agreed. But that doesn't mean you should wait two years until you move before dipping your toes into the waters of serious relationships.
At your age, it's a good time to get experience in that. I was not a very good girlfriend in my first serious relationship. But I learned a lot. So that by the time I met the guy who I chose to be my "one", there was a whole lot that I knew not to do. I knew by then that I get cranky when I'm hungry, or tired, or stressed - so now instead of saying the first jerky thing that comes to mind, I take a moment and ask myself if I really mean what's about to come out of my mouth, or if it's because I got 4 hours of sleep and my boss said something condescending that day. (Just as an example). Most people need a serious relationship or two as "learning experiences" (not to say that those who don't have that are doomed). But now is as good a time as any for you to start getting that experience. It's a whole different ballgame than hook-ups. For instance: knowing how to have disagreements, how to resolve them, and how to get past them. That's something you never have to worry about with hook-ups.
As to how you choose, just spend some more time with each. I'd bet that one will emerge in your mind as the one you really want to invest time into. Take things slow, be open-minded.
I think that relationships have the potential to be a lot more meaningful and awesome in one's 30's and beyond. If only because you're kind of a dumbarse in your 20's. Sorry, but it's true. I didn't know myself until I got into my 30's. You're just not done cooking...hell, maybe we never really are, but 20-somethings are barely adults and still figuring out so much about themselves and about people. I love myself so much more, I am SO MUCH COOLER in my 30's than I ever was in my 20's. I'm ready to shuck the BS and get real and live life in far more fulfilling ways. So bottom line...relationships are better when YOU are. For a lot of us, that means a bit of age and perspective.
As for choosing, moving or not moving, finding The One, and all of that... I've become a pretty serious believer in "There is no one true way." People are just wired to enjoy different dynamics sometimes. As long as no one is pining away for more, or being overwhelmed, or getting jealous and upset...as long as expectations are honest and realistic and people are happy with what's going on, I don't know that you need to choose. I don't know that you need to be exclusive to be serious. That's a social norm and a construct. Figure out what works for you. If you can do this honestly and both of these women are cool with stuff, I don't see a reason not to. Also, as far as people moving or not moving, following a woman or not doing so, etc. it's just a matter of your personal priorities. And again, there's really no one right answer, it's something you've got to work out for yourself. Don't be afraid of commitment for its own sake. Just evaluate things as realistically and in as self aware a manner possible. Even when you do, you're bound to make some choices you'll regret later, but that is life. And we never get to know how it would have worked out if we'd done things differently.
Totally feelin this! I wasted many, many years in my 20's on guys I wouldn't even give the time of day to now, at 35. Straight up. And after finally learning to commit to MYSELF , ~ Ohhhh my.. the various types of men I'm attracting into my world is a beautiful thing!!! There's just such an ease to vibing peacefully.
In my case, I'm easily faithful to one woman because I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else.
Things get really easy when you're with the right person.
I started a 'relationship', thinking it'd only be a 3 week thing until I left. Change of events and I ended up staying a much longer time than expected. Instead of focusing on the fact that I was going to go away soon, I simply just enjoyed my time with her and didn't think about other 'options'. Ended up staying long enough that we both wanted to do long distance.
Maybe we're just desperate, who knows.. but it does work out.
I prefer the polyamory option, but most women won't go for that. It has worked for me a couple of times for a period of a few years, though.
In your case, OP, one is moving away, so unless you want to follow her, that simplifies the decision to the one who's staying. Of course, if you're away for a long time, she may not want to wait for you - or can she follow you?
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There's just such an ease to vibing peacefully.
