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I feel like "playing hard to get" is something one does in order to arouse interest - in other words, something that one does to get someone to ask them out. I don't think not accepting a date is playing hard to get. I think that's just letting someone down nicely. Now, you never know - I'm not saying that she won't develop romantic feelings for you in the future - it just doesn't sound like she has them right now. I can't imagine turning down a date with someone I was interested in. And if she really is too busy to date (which I can't imagine) - then what's the point of trying to date her?
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Originally Posted by david0966
I'm sorry, if you really want someone to ask you out, why would you play hard to get? Seems counterproductive to me. I've never understood this behavior beyond the age of 18. If any woman my age did this with me, I'd laugh in her face and walk away.
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Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76
I never said that I played hard to get. I was simply explaining what I thought the concept was.
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Originally Posted by david0966
I wasn't specifically directing it at you, I meant in general. To me it's just game playing. There are many ways to show interest without playing hard to get.
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Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76
My point was just that even if she had been playing hard to get - she still wouldn't have turned down the date. People don't usually turn down dates with people that they want to date.
That's why I thought one of the conversations I had with her a little over a week later was odd. She brought up the subject of her schedule again and then made it sound like she wasn't happy with it and was going to possibly stop agreeing to so many things with friends/family.
If she wanted to reinforce that her original response to me was a nice way of saying no...you would think she would have said something more along the lines of "I'm busy with a full schedule for the next 5 months with blah blah blah and never have time". Not make it sound like she wasn't happy with her current social life. See what I mean? She's tricky.
if you have to chase a tad too much it's a sign of : "She's just not that into you"?
I have a pretty big crush on a woman in RL that I still cannot say for sure if she likes me or not. I get mixed signals and the way she words things sometimes just sends me for a loop and I possibly end up overanalyzing. It's like she's still feeling me out as I get to know her more over time. We have a lot in common in some categories and have good conversations for the most part.
She seems very guarded about men in general but she does make references to guys that she is friends with and parties or social get togethers that she is invited to. She has a large social network compared to me and seems to have a pretty tight schedule if she plans too much. She has never mentioned an actual BF, and she is not married, nor does she ever mention a date.
I asked her out once, possibly too soon but I didn't want to get thrust into the dreaded friend zone, and she gave me the one type of answer I hate. It wasn't a no answer, and it wasn't a yes answer either. When I asked her it's almost like I caught her off guard and surprised her. I probably spend way too much mental effort on her as in trying to think up things to say to her and come up with witty banter to make her laugh. Honestly it can be a little draining but I like her a lot and think she may be worth it.
Should I just let her go and move on as much as I hate to or should I continue to give it more time and ask her out again at some point? Am I in the friend zone whether I want to be or not?
Let her go. You already know that you are reading entirely too much into this. You're an introvert, she's an extrovert. When that does work, it is because people genuinely cross paths. You cannot make this happen.
If you had something that she wanted, you would already be with her.
That's why I thought one of the conversations I had with her a little over a week later was odd. She brought up the subject of her schedule again and then made it sound like she wasn't happy with it and was going to possibly stop agreeing to so many things with friends/family.
If she wanted to make her original response to me sound more like a no, you would think she would have said something more along the lines of "I'm busy with a full schedule for the next 5 months with blah blah blah and never have time". Not make it sound like she wasn't happy with her current social life. See what I mean? She's tricky.
Learn the difference between a woman that loves the attention you are showing her, and one that loves you for the effort she is putting in to get to know you, and the fact that she enjoys what she's learned.
I understand where you guys are coming from and I'm possibly in denial due to crushing so hard. It's very possible she's just a game player and likes the attention from a decent looking, younger guy with options. Even though at her age it's a lot rarer for a woman to be like that. She definitely comes across as someone younger than what she really is all around.
She might not even be a player. She might just be an opportunist, and you are making easy for her. You think you're not because you're considering being aloof but the fact that you're still thinking about her in reality you really are. And she knows it.
Yeah after further thought and reading your other responses I wouldn't even bother asking again, not worth it. You mentioned this was an older woman and they usually are mature enough to know better than to play games. And I do agree with another response that if you ask someone out unless it's a definite yes than you can assume it's a no.
Last edited by david0966; 07-19-2015 at 11:12 AM..
It is up to you to decide how much time and energy you want to invest in the possibility of a romantic relationship with this woman.
If you decide to pursue then be blunt and ask her out on a specific date at a specific time with a specific agenda.
If she accepts then you are set, if she does not accept tell her you will not be asking again and move on if you choose to do so.
if you have to chase a tad too much it's a sign of : "She's just not that into you"?
I asked her out once, possibly too soon but I didn't want to get thrust into the dreaded friend zone, and she gave me the one type of answer I hate. It wasn't a no answer, and it wasn't a yes answer either.
When I asked her it's almost like I caught her off guard and surprised her. I probably spend way too much mental effort on her as in trying to think up things to say to her and come up with witty banter to make her laugh. Honestly it can be a little draining but I like her a lot and think she may be worth it.
Asking a woman out ONCE and getting a slightly ambiguous answer is "a chase"? My friend, you've hardly started to "stroll"!
You can stop at whatever point, depends on whether she's worth whatever your investment in time and mental energy is. She could well have been taken off guard - after all, you probably took days deciding whether to ask her out or not and she had a few seconds to consider everything and give you an answer. (Do guys even consider that this could be an issue when asking a woman out?) How much does it really cost you to ask her out again, in a slightly different manner perhaps now that she knows of your interest and can give a more considered answer?
Perhaps she is an introvert (even introverts can know a lot of people) and it sounds like you may be one as well - if this is the case, there may be some awkwardness and stops and starts. I'm not saying to stalk her but you have hardly been chasing her!
Perhaps she is an introvert (even introverts can know a lot of people) and it sounds like you may be one as well - if this is the case, there may be some awkwardness and stops and starts. I'm not saying to stalk her but you have hardly been chasing her!
I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. If she is an introvert he has even more work cut out for himself because he has to differentiate himself from everyone she surrounds herself with. And it does not sound like he knows how to do this. He has to offer something different from what everyone is; assuming that is even the issue he is facing.
Asking a woman out ONCE and getting a slightly ambiguous answer is "a chase"? My friend, you've hardly started to "stroll"!
You can stop at whatever point, depends on whether she's worth whatever your investment in time and mental energy is. She could well have been taken off guard - after all, you probably took days deciding whether to ask her out or not and she had a few seconds to consider everything and give you an answer. (Do guys even consider that this could be an issue when asking a woman out?) How much does it really cost you to ask her out again, in a slightly different manner perhaps now that she knows of your interest and can give a more considered answer?
Perhaps she is an introvert (even introverts can know a lot of people) and it sounds like you may be one as well - if this is the case, there may be some awkwardness and stops and starts. I'm not saying to stalk her but you have hardly been chasing her!
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Originally Posted by goofy328
I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. If she is an introvert he has even more work cut out for himself because he has to differentiate himself from everyone she surrounds herself with. And it does not sound like he knows how to do this. He has to offer something different from what everyone is; assuming that is even the issue he is facing.
I still talk to her on and off since I asked her out and we've had some good conversations since, I just never asked her out again. She's somewhat in the middle between an introvert and extrovert she can be a very good conversationalist and charming, to me anyway, but she doesn't appear to be the type of woman that talks to just anyone, especially guys that she knows likes her.
Our conversations did start out a little awkward at first but we've actually progressed even since I asked her out. It's possible there was some tension there even before I asked her out, I know for a fact I caught her checking me out more than once. She likes people that are in shape and active/adventurous like she is.
I admit I most likely just need to move on I'm just in the friend zone probably, but I may give it one more shot depending on how our next conversations go, because I'm really into her and I think she's worth it. Then that'll be the end of it one way or another.
I still talk to her on and off since I asked her out and we've had some good conversations since, I just never asked her out again. She's somewhat in the middle between an introvert and extrovert she can be a very good conversationalist and charming, to me anyway, but she doesn't appear to be the type of woman that talks to just anyone, especially guys that she knows likes her.
Our conversations did start out a little awkward at first but we've actually progressed even since I asked her out. It's possible there was some tension there even before I asked her out, I know for a fact I caught her checking me out more than once. She likes people that are in shape and active/adventurous like she is.
I admit I most likely just need to move on I'm just in the friend zone probably, but I may give it one more shot depending on how our next conversations go, because I'm really into her and I think she's worth it. Then that'll be the end of it one way or another.
Easiest way to get out of the friend zone is to stop being a friend.
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