Troubled by girlfriend's past

[oh-eve]

Originally Posted by calmverbs

You are judging her. Shes not a Ho she had a time in her life and she doesn't know how to feel about it. She confided in you because that's what women who go through things that have forever impacted them do when they love you they tell you everything you need to know to be secure with yourself and with her. If you think she's a ho than that makes you just like one of the small minded spineless no morals men who took advantage of her weakness and misery and confusion and then left her for the cleaners. Everyone has a past and at present shes honest, loyal, healed or healing and seemingly in love with you. Don't think for a second that the word Ho can't apply to many...20 guys in 20 days or 20 guys in 20 years is still 20 guys no matter how you cut it but in there minds there not ho's I bet. If you love this girl get over her past man. I have heard worse stories end up happy. It takes commitment.. You need to make sure she has a sounding board if it affects you too much to hear her PAIN then tell her and set up someone else for her or you both to talk too. I'll take a woman whose not camouflaging and disguising herself any day over one who "doesn't see the need for you to know that"!! It's the past but it matters to her that you care more for her now than what happened then. COMMUNICATE with her.

^^^^^

[Sonic_Spork]

Originally Posted by AlfredB1979

Why should OP be angry at men he doesn't know? How is that productive for him at all?

I like your guilt trip there, too. I mean...why should OP play licensed shrink on a volunteer basis to help this woman out? I'm pretty sure that's well above his pay grade.

Then you run in circles telling OP to make a judgment then not to doso. Stop it.

My point was, if he LOVES her and she is worth it to him, there are ways to be. A judgmental jerk ain't one of them.

If he is not invested in her, and wants to guard himself from her possible problems, that makes sense too, he would be justified in cutting her loose if she bears too much red-flag/drama potential for him.

Really it comes down to...no one is perfect, we are all messy complex human creatures and we all have STUFF. You (rhetorical you, meaning each one of us) just have to decide if a partner's STUFF is something you can deal with, if it's worth it to you, or not. And proceed accordingly.

But continuing to be with her and using words like "slutty" in talking to or about her...no, I'm sorry, I don't think that's OK. Choose a path and walk it.

And as to being angry at men he doesn't know, I'm saying that if he's judging anyone's behavior, the behavior of getting a woman hammered so as to bang her, or doing so after she's wasted to the point of serious incoherence, is reprehensible. Sure, she bears some responsibility for her actions. As in, learn your lessons and your worth as a human being and keep yourself out of those situations. But the notion that a guy is justified in grabbing a piece anywhere he can, even if the person isn't of a capacity to consent, is disgusting to me. It's one reason I don't drink alcohol ever...I have never trusted ANY MAN with my person in such a state.