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Thanks guys. Its funny that even in this day and age, we get different opinions on this suggesting that it is not necessarily "black &white", but grey. I read everyone's responses and some people agreed and some people didn't and that's fine, but as a guy that has paid 100% of the time, I recently had not 1 but 2 women get a free meal and then blow me off. I just can't fathom how someone could use somebody like that since I was not raised that way. It just seems so wrong..like how do they look at themselves in the mirror everyday and tell themselves that the things that they do are ok. I should count my blessings, because it could have been worse..way worse. It's ok because karma is a b**** and the same women will later be crying to their girlfriends as to why they can't find any "good men", well it takes a good person to attract a good person imo.
I might have a date today, its coffee so no meal there, but we hit it off great so far and I will definitely pay for this one, but I think from now on, if I am just not feeling it, then we should split checks, after all, my time is just as valuable as yours.
Btw, to the ladies in the thread that rejected these women and what they did to me, you guys are the true gems here..any guy would be lucky to have you.
As for her. Since she knew it was a bad date and she did not intend to see you again, she should have offered to pay at least her half. But there is nothing you can do about her lack of honor - or class.
He could have chosen better. From what I caught, it sounded like an OLD meetup. That's ll I would need to know.
Quote:
Originally Posted by soy sauce
Bad or good going dutch eliminates these type of situations.
It sure does.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76
If I had no interest in going out on another date - I'd definitely pay. I always offer - but I would make sure that I paid. And I would also explain that I felt that I had to pay since things weren't working out.
Sounds great in theory, but...I don't recall any of the rare "one and done" dates coming to that conclusion.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LOTRfan283
I originally did, she changed it up. I also have another that I am talking to, same thing, said coffee, and she said let's go for drinks? I was like umm no? Drinks add up really quickly.
And that is perfect!
I have never read a woman's OLD profile that said for the first date description: "Yeah, I'll make the choices here. That's totally not the guy's job!"
Women can claim equality, but they sure don't walk the walk on that front.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie
Based on men constantly whining about who pays for a date, from here on out I will always pay for any first date I go if I'm ever on the market again.
And you know what will happen? The guys will freak out because I'm a feminist. LOL
What I would think = "Uh, why are you on the market again?"
Just saying.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TMBGBlueCanary
Women ask guys out... just because they haven't asked "you" out doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I think Timberline is on to something with it happening a lot more with OLD. Maybe it's because they feel more secure asking you out knowing you are looking for someone (a lot of my friends say this... they only do online dating because they know the person is looking).
In the OP's specific case though... I think the polite thing would have been for the woman to offer to pay. I think most women in this case, when they know they aren't interested, do. It was bad form on her part. The OP did what he could and rolled with it all, I don't blame him for being miffed though. Perfectly understandable and I would be too in his shoes.
Ive never really had that privilege with OLD. Then again, my settings excluded single mothers and anyone who outweighed me when I tried that stuff years ago. I agree with the middle part of your post, so I'll cut to the last bit. if women were that polite on OLD and didn't have tons of options, then you wouldn't see women who thought that using Tinder for free pizza was respectable or this gem using Match for a dinner a night. So, I can see why guys are wary. I also understand women not seing this...because they don't have to live it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC
We actually take each other's money as we both gladly contribute to expenses and enjoy nice gestures with each other.
Absolutely. Hence, why I am starting to believe that you should marry at first sight. All the suspense will still be there for some time and the expenses are going to be shared. Perfect.
Quote:
Originally Posted by the minx
Do online dating sites allow you to rate your date? That could be interesting...
I remember POF allowed testimonials some eayrs back. I'm wondering if some screenshots of the better trolling is out there on some website somewhere. Would love to see that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lucky2balive
facepalm
SHE KNEW what she was doing,,,wasn't gonna lay the "were just friends" stuff on you until AFTER you paid...I would have asked for separate bills and handed her hers with a smile...
True. The last date I had this happen...I probably would have done her that way, but I had teh money and time to blow after getting off a turnaround. Meanwhile, she had a Chevy Aveo with a crapped out AC. She had it much worse than I did whether or not you figure in the Houston summertime.
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC
Guys are still expected to cover expenses so you might shoot your foot if you suggest to go dutch and not even see a first date. But at least you’ll weed out those who are not your type and might sooner or later meet a girl out there who is totally happy about sharing expenses since the first date. Its one of those things guys have to go through unfair or not, sexist or not. But guys won’t get anywhere if they are not willing to risk. Its part of life. Go for it .
Yeah. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. A gal has to be super head over heels for you for that not to matter. I guess you'll know if you throw that out there right off the bat.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LOTRfan283
It just seems so wrong..like how do they look at themselves in the mirror everyday and tell themselves that the things that they do are ok.
Because they've been told that they can do no wrong. The next Instawhatever selfie they put up will have 100+ likes and a bunch of thirsty losers telling them how beautiful they are. That's how they live with it.
Thanks guys. Its funny that even in this day and age, we get different opinions on this suggesting that it is not necessarily "black &white", but grey. I read everyone's responses and some people agreed and some people didn't and that's fine, but as a guy that has paid 100% of the time, I recently had not 1 but 2 women get a free meal and then blow me off. I just can't fathom how someone could use somebody like that since I was not raised that way. It just seems so wrong..like how do they look at themselves in the mirror everyday and tell themselves that the things that they do are ok. I should count my blessings, because it could have been worse..way worse. It's ok because karma is a b**** and the same women will later be crying to their girlfriends as to why they can't find any "good men", well it takes a good person to attract a good person imo.
I might have a date today, its coffee so no meal there, but we hit it off great so far and I will definitely pay for this one, but I think from now on, if I am just not feeling it, then we should split checks, after all, my time is just as valuable as yours.
Btw, to the ladies in the thread that rejected these women and what they did to me, you guys are the true gems here..any guy would be lucky to have you.
Two more, eh? Shocker.
And still it does not occur to you that the problem here might be you? You are the only common denominator that runs through all three of these incidents, regardless of how much effort you expend to shift responsibility and cast blame on others.
He could have chosen better. From what I caught, it sounded like an OLD meetup. That's ll I would need to know.
It sure does.
Sounds great in theory, but...I don't recall any of the rare "one and done" dates coming to that conclusion.
I have never read a woman's OLD profile that said for the first date description: "Yeah, I'll make the choices here. That's totally not the guy's job!"
Women can claim equality, but they sure don't walk the walk on that front.
What I would think = "Uh, why are you on the market again?"
Just saying.
Ive never really had that privilege with OLD. Then again, my settings excluded single mothers and anyone who outweighed me when I tried that stuff years ago. I agree with the middle part of your post, so I'll cut to the last bit. if women were that polite on OLD and didn't have tons of options, then you wouldn't see women who thought that using Tinder for free pizza was respectable or this gem using Match for a dinner a night. So, I can see why guys are wary. I also understand women not seing this...because they don't have to live it.
Absolutely. Hence, why I am starting to believe that you should marry at first sight. All the suspense will still be there for some time and the expenses are going to be shared. Perfect.
I remember POF allowed testimonials some eayrs back. I'm wondering if some screenshots of the better trolling is out there on some website somewhere. Would love to see that.
True. The last date I had this happen...I probably would have done her that way, but I had teh money and time to blow after getting off a turnaround. Meanwhile, she had a Chevy Aveo with a crapped out AC. She had it much worse than I did whether or not you figure in the Houston summertime.
Yeah. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. A gal has to be super head over heels for you for that not to matter. I guess you'll know if you throw that out there right off the bat.
Because they've been told that they can do no wrong. The next Instawhatever selfie they put up will have 100+ likes and a bunch of thirsty losers telling them how beautiful they are. That's how they live with it.
you are right, they are told that they can do no wrong, its messed up but thats how it is I guess. I didn't even know how about those stories, thats crazy..using people for free meals is just wrong, if you need food, just tell me, Ill get you something to eat and we can be friends, but don't pretend to like me to get it.
I had a friend that I toured with that would always go to the bar and get free drinks from guys. She had a boyfriend. I thought that was pretty crappy. Her boyfriend turned out to be a total a-hole that screwed her over and depleted her savings so I guess some of you are probably pretty happy about that!
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76
I had a friend that I toured with that would always go to the bar and get free drinks from guys. She had a boyfriend. I thought that was pretty crappy. Her boyfriend turned out to be a total a-hole that screwed her over and depleted her savings so I guess some of you are probably pretty happy about that!
Damn straight! Karma is an ugly b$%#ard sometimes.
Damn straight! Karma is an ugly b$%#ard sometimes.
Well, I think it was crappy to get guys to buy her drinks when she had a boyfriend - but I doubt those drinks totaled the 20-30 thousand dollars that she lost because of her boyfriend.
Well, I think it was crappy to get guys to buy her drinks when she had a boyfriend - but I doubt those drinks totaled the 20-30 thousand dollars that she lost because of her boyfriend.
Karma isn't always equal either. The guys that were really interested in her were the guys taking real interest. She was there for just drinks. The guy she was in a relationship with, didn't have any real interest in her. I'm not saying it's right at all, but sometimes it truly is in how you treat another human being is how you will get treated in your own life. It sucks she lost so much money. That's a bum deal.
Karma isn't always equal either. The guys that were really interested in her were the guys taking real interest. She was there for just drinks. The guy she was in a relationship with, didn't have any real interest in her. I'm not saying it's right at all, but sometimes it truly is in how you treat another human being is how you will get treated in your own life. It sucks she lost so much money. That's a bum deal.
Well, the guys that bought her drinks weren't that interested in her simply because they didn't know her. I mean - they might have been attracted to her but they weren't in love with her. Now, don't get me wrong - she was never my favorite person. I had a fun time with her from time to time but she wasn't really my cup of tea. I'm not so sure I believe in karma (although I did use it against someone in a word fight one time - it was pretty funny!) but I thought she would make an interesting case study. She seemed overly full of herself - but had some major insecurities. She was attractive but not gorgeous (it's all subjective, I know) but her boyfriend was gorgeous. He was also a major tool and I couldn't stand him. But I think she thought it made her look better that he was so gorgeous. Her mom came to see our show one time and she was a bundle of nerves - she said her mom was ultra critical of her. My parents always came to see me perform and praised me to the high heavens. Anyway - I thought it was interesting and I knew that some guys on here would be thrilled beyond belief that she "got what was coming to her" - although I think she got a lot more than she deserved even though she was never my favorite person.
Just because the date is going bad doesn't excuse you from being a gentleman. I'd just pay and not call the chick again. If it's the to the point that we're cursing each other out and she's throwing a drink at me, not that it would get to that point, but I can see making her pay half. But if the two of you just don't click, be respectful, tell her you had a nice time (even if you didn't), and take her home. It's good juju.
The possibility of a really bad date is also why you should build to the nice dinners and whatnot. If you're getting to know one another, you can do that over coffee or a few beers and a sampler platter. If you think she's someone you'd want to see on a serious basis, that's when the Olive Garden coupons and the AXE body spray needs to come out!
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