Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 07-20-2015, 10:50 PM
 
8 posts, read 7,315 times
Reputation: 17

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post

Also, speaking as someone who is 7 months pregnant, a guy who is neglectful of of the mother of his child's needs (both in the sense that he's withholding sex and in the sense that he's blowing off doctor's appointments when you are about to give birth to stay home and jerk off) is a real piece of work.

So what do you suggest I do?!? Give him an ultimatum? The thought of being a single mother terrifies me but it is not ruled out as one of my options. Idk what to do, I'm just a pregnant roller coaster of emotions. The other day I tried to find a little reassurance or a little boost of confidence and told him I was considering a Brazilian butt lift and instead of him trying to find out my reasons for wanting it or saying the obvious things a loving husband tells his insecure wife (e.g. You're perfect just the way you are, you don't need it, I love you this way already) he says, "Sure, once you have the baby and get back to work full time, we can both save up and you can have it done!" It was a complete let down and disappointment. Maybe he thought he was being supportive???
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-20-2015, 11:03 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,418,348 times
Reputation: 53067
What you do is ultimately your call.

But I would strongly suggest against cosmetic surgery, because I think you'll be quite devastated when you find that it doesn't change who he is.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-20-2015, 11:04 PM
 
8 posts, read 7,315 times
Reputation: 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticaltyger View Post
I can't help but think the baby should be given up for adoption and the husband/boyfriend should be dumped. The OP should go into therapy to learn how to pick a better man.
Are you serious?!?! Why should my baby suffer the consequences? I am perfectly capable of raising this child on my own. Adoption is out of the question and a ridiculous suggestion!! You seem to know what you're talking about, maybe you can give me a few pointers on picking a better man. I'm no psychic, how would I or better yet, how would anyone know that a person will change, act or treat you so different from one day to another?? He is not the man I met and fell in love with...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-20-2015, 11:06 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,418,348 times
Reputation: 53067
Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticaltyger View Post
I can't help but think the baby should be given up for adoption
I'm sorry, but this is utterly asinine.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-20-2015, 11:12 PM
 
Location: SacTown
1,259 posts, read 1,247,796 times
Reputation: 1965
You're having a child in 3 weeks. Do you really have to be this stressed about surgically implanted big booties and porn right now? Not making light of the situation but can it wait till after the baby is born? You both should be focusing on the child right now.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-20-2015, 11:17 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,418,348 times
Reputation: 53067
It might be easier to focus on the impending child if the partner seemed interested in being a partner.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-20-2015, 11:21 PM
 
Location: california
920 posts, read 927,586 times
Reputation: 1077
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
This is a grown man not her child and she has no right to "punish" him for being a bad boy.
Of course but what does that have to do with my post? nothing at all so you can stop your tizzy fit
Quote:
How do you know it isn't his computer that he had before she came along?
Per the OP title, they are married. When you get married a funny thing happens, it's called sharing. What was hers is now his... and vice versa.
Quote:
When you have some real world, real life, real relationship experience you will understand why this is not a good idea.
I've been happily married over 25 years now. We have a 24 year old son together. Our only addiction is to cycling. Hopefully that clears up your confusion.

My suggestion stands. Get rid of the computer.Most people do not need it on a daily basis but can use a library computer when necessary.
Just like if he was abusing alcohol, you would not have alcohol in the home. Allow him to sober up and get clean. Quit advocating otherwise

To the OP-Be there for him, talk to him. He needs help and support to overcome his addiction while knowing you yourself, cannot save him.
Pray for him. I will keep you both in my prayers

Last edited by OutdoorsyGal; 07-20-2015 at 11:29 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-20-2015, 11:24 PM
 
8 posts, read 7,315 times
Reputation: 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by soy sauce View Post
You're having a child in 3 weeks. Do you really have to be this stressed about surgically implanted big booties and porn right now? Not making light of the situation but can it wait till after the baby is born? You both should be focusing on the child right now.
You don't think I try? I wouldn't want anything more than to be enjoying my pregnancy and sharing this amazing experience with him. But he makes it so hard for me to be at ease. What he did to me this morning was just too much. Blowing me off and missing my doctors appointment to stay home and pleasure himself to other women.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-20-2015, 11:34 PM
 
Location: california
920 posts, read 927,586 times
Reputation: 1077
Quote:
Originally Posted by Poohbear1234 View Post
Let him pay for the surgery and then dump his ***. Seriously, this is a terrible way to treat the mother of your child. You deserve better. Pregnancy is no picnic and you don't need this additional stress. Kick him to the curb!!
Mod cut.

Do not "let him pay" for surgery. You do not need to go under the knife, you are beautiful. This is not about you. Porn is his drug, ensure he has no access to the drug before you choose to disfigure your body because he has an addiction at this moment. Try not to take his vice personally

You cannot know for sure the outcome and if you did such a drastic thing as elective surgery, make it be FOR YOURSELF, not him.

Don't listen to people who tell you to break up your family over a porn addiction. No one here can make that decision for you. We aren't in your shoes and do not know what is happening at your house otherwise. Many people have been there and successfully replaced a porn addiction with something healthy. IN fact, I am not sure I have ANY friends throughout the years that wasn't entangled with this at some point in their life. Thank God the majority are all happily married, never disfigured themselves nor dumped their loved one over it. But of course, they didn't allow access to the drug in their presence and all got rid of their computer for a time.

Only you can make that decision for you, not us. But know this is not uncommon and many couples have been through it and came out gracefully on the other side.

Last edited by PJSaturn; 07-22-2015 at 09:51 AM.. Reason: Rude.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-20-2015, 11:51 PM
 
Location: california
920 posts, read 927,586 times
Reputation: 1077
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hurtwife View Post
You don't think I try? I wouldn't want anything more than to be enjoying my pregnancy and sharing this amazing experience with him. But he makes it so hard for me to be at ease. What he did to me this morning was just too much. Blowing me off and missing my doctors appointment to stay home and pleasure himself to other women.
Remember each time you are stressed you get the baby stressed. You are a Mother, it HAS to be about your baby, not him. Baby comes first. Please calm down. Get some kava kava from the health food store to calm down, maybe. You get no points by getting upset, he obviously will not care.
If not, you may need to make him leave to preserve your own health. This is very dangerous for the baby, constant stress.

When you have a baby in the home, you obviously cannot allow pornography in the home. PERIOD.

Baby comes first ((hugs to you))

P.S. My husband went through this phase, honestly it didn't bother me that much. Maybe I did to, seems like it. But when I said to him...we'd need to get rid of the computer, that was enough to stop it. It wasn't enough for our friends, a few of them had to really do it. They all have had computers for years without issue.
But overall, we haven't had much issue with porn, even with my 24 year old. It happens of course, and yes it can be an addiction for a few days, a week to however long but it certainly can just stop one day. Just as it did for us. Just as I stopped smoking after 1 week (smoked as a teen)
Take heart, I am so sorry you are going through this.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:30 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top