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I love my job but my husband wants me to either reduce my working hours or get another job that pays less. He says that women who earn more than their husbands are doing the marriage a disservice. We've had a lot of discussions about this and he always mentions how he doesn't know any happily married men whose wives earn the same or more than them. This really bothers him a lot and he is now pretty much insisting that for the sake of the marriage I do as he asks or there will be problems in our marriage.
He strongly believes that part of a successful marriage is that the man should be the provider, and that women aren't happy when there's equality. But I love my job and I can't think of anything else I'd rather do. His income is just enough for the both of us if we live on a very tight budget, and he prefers that I work but that I don't need to earn as much as I do. He says that if I work part time that's more than sufficient to keep us at a reasonable standard of living, and it will give me more time to look after the house.
At first these were lighthearted discussions but lately he's become increasingly insistent. I don't know what to do. I can't think of any way to reduce my hours and I don't want to settle for another job that I don't like.
I say either take heed or file for divorce. Fix the problem one way or the other. Lol at threads from users with no posting history....
I heard of another story like this, it ended in divorce. Her husband didn't want her making more money than him and it ended. I don't know who broke up with who. I just remember hearing it from someone and I never thought such guys actually existed.
Ask him, how exactly is it possible that you making more money will ruin your marriage? Ask him if there has been anything that you have done that makes him feel less of a man, which was caused specifically ny you making more money than him. What is it about the actual amount of money that you take home have any affect in your relationship?
It all boils down to insecurity, but talk to him about it or go to counseling.
There is no evidence that a marriage is less likely to succeed if the woman makes more. This is just a mental thing with certain guys and in this day and age I would say they are becoming the vast minority.
Technically, would you even want to be married to this kind of guy? To them money is a form of control which is why women that worry too much about how much money a guy makes quite often end up in an unhappy marriage.
My G/F and I make the exact same salary within a few grand or so. Doesn't bother me one bit. If she gets a raise, it benefits both of us. No way would I hurt our success by forcing her to make less for some pride thing. That's less financial security for our family.
Honest Mike thats the same thing I was thinking. That why I see this thread as fake and male bashing. What human male and female would want LESS money in the household? I also find it how ironic many of the woman judge the faux man for wanting his wife to make less, but dont judge the faux wife for marrying this type of man. What woman actually falls in love, has sex with and marries a male like this? Im confused by how no one was told this lady to choose better men, yet is quick to say the man is insecure. There is something wrong with both parties here.
Don't ever let a jerk talk you into doing something stupid, even if it is your husband. He's trying to control you and feels threatened by your earning potential. If he were a worthy husband he would be proud of you and also motivated to step up his own earnings. His attempts to exert power over you in this way won't end here, believe me.
I have a coworker who is earning only slightly more than his wife. His wife gives him a hard time about not earning more. Just think if he were earning less? I can't see any "normal" husband not wanting more household income (which is why I am skeptical).
I'd recommend counseling.... don't listen to those that call for a divorce.
I certainly wished my wife earned even a half of my salary. It would make a world of difference to our savings.
Speaking of salary.... early in a marriage we had a similar issue.
I was getting laid off left and right. I was making job/career choices based on making enough money (and more) to support the family. At one point, I was working two jobs. Meanwhile, my wife was making job/career choices based on what looked "interesting to her".
I kept my feelings to myself until the last straw... She changed jobs because she was bored with the current one. In doing so, she took a PAY CUT! I sat her down and told her (Ok I was yelling.. I admit) I was quitting my job for something with better hours and less stressful albeit much less pay. She got mad and called me "irresponsible". She complained about how tight things are already and how we have expenses.
I asked how my decision was any less irresponsible than her last decision to change jobs for lesser pay? I pointed out her bias. She finally apologized and admitted she didn't really make a connection.. she was caught up in her "new" career. We haven't had a problem since.. I still focus on earnings. She's more balanced. I still double her pay. She's very careful not to complain about finances (at least not around me). She's also become quite the frugal person since. She knows i do still have regrets.. little time with children and she a bit more sensitive about it now.
If I followed this thread's advice, I would have been divorced many years ago... Talk to him... go to counseling (assuming this situation is real).
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