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I'm just saying, every time someone states that they would have no problem dating someone who doesn't have friends they have been questioned about every. single. time. I'm not sure what the big deal is.
I'm just saying, every time someone states that they would have no problem dating someone who doesn't have friends they have been questioned about every. single. time. I'm not sure what the big deal is.
Because it logically does not make sense, so they're questioned on it. It is that simple.
You can roll your eyes all you like, but no I wouldn't want to "help" someone in my age bracket or higher develop friends. As I said, that is something that should have happened by now. It's a red flag at least.
And what exactly is your definition of helping and reaching out to people?
Because it logically does not make sense, so they're questioned on it. It is that simple.
Constantly questioning them on it and hoping it changes their minds on the subject when it clearly hasn't doesn't seem to make sense either. And yet so many here continue to do so. Maybe you guys should just let it go.
Constantly questioning them on it and hoping it changes their minds on the subject when it clearly hasn't doesn't seem to make sense either. And yet so many here continue to do so. Maybe you guys should just let it go.
If people don't wish to discuss things there would be no reason to have a forum. I can't speak for others, but I change my viewpoints often when questioned on the reasons surrounding my beliefs by people that point out failings in my arguments. Most people that are open to learning generally do.
I would have 0 issues with dating a woman who had not friends, whether it was a FWB situation or a LTR situation. In fact, I would prefer this.
Conversely, when I was younger I did have issues when I dated women who had a small group of close friends, since in many cases these busybody/intrusive close friends ended up involving themselves in our relationship - which I didn't appreciate.
In fact, if I were looking for a LTR these days (I'm not), I would be leery of dating any women who has close friends, due to my negative experiences with this in the past.
However, it seems the older women get this is less of an issue (since as people get older, many of their friends are married with their own families, etc.).
I'm with you... I will also add the whole "interfering family" aspect.
I have dated women who, as they age, get an uncomfortably increasing pressure from their family (mostly from the mom) to get married, have a family, etc
Quote:
Originally Posted by mustelid1971
Really? You want to have a relationship with someone that can't or won't form emotional bonds with other people?
Go ahead. I like to date people capable of forming such connections.
I think it's inaccurate to say such people cannot form emotional bonds or connections with people, more specifically a partner. Some people just prefer to NOT do so, or do so VERY selectively. Real hard core introverts... case in point
Not necessarily. I have acquaintances who are nice. That doesn't mean we're going to go out of our way to see each other on the weekends outside of the activity where we initially became acquainted (e.g. school, work, etc).
It's a red flag. An indicator. Not a certainty.
But when choosing someone to date or be friends with, I can apply any criteria I choose, fair or not. I don't have to lend the benefit of the doubt because 1 in 10 people with this red flag might be perfectly fine. I'm not offering a job where I'm bound by legal requirements.
There are possible explanations for having no friends. Maybe they just moved to this city to take a job. Maybe they had focused on a few friends and those friends moved away. Maybe they are just intensely focused on their career. That should be pretty easy to determine.
A more likely explanation is that they either don't have the social skills or the desire to maintain relationships with others. I don't have time to date or friend 500 people so I have the right to reject red flags and focus on green flags.
I'd be a extremely weary of it, though it depends on why she didn't have any friends, as there can be many reasons. It's one thing if they lack friends because of a busy schedule or something like that, as you can't really hold that against them.
Maybe so, but if they're that busy then do they really have time to be dating?
Lonesome people are easily tempted to hyperbolically exaggerate their disconnection from the world. There's a self-righteous dignity in claiming that "I don't have any friends". What one really means, however, is that close friendships have withered over the years, on account of people marrying, moving away, espousing different values or avocations. Few claimants to being friendless have outright no acquaintances or persons on whom to rely – at least notionally – in difficult times. Few people are so desperately isolated. But it does happen that one might have no relatives in reasonable proximity, and no persons with whom one enjoys close and unfettered affection – which is to say, "no friends", in the classical sense of friendship. By this I mean Aristotle's third definition of "friendship".
Two romantic partners presumably enjoy mutual primacy of closeness. They ought ideally to become each other's best-friends. But this need not preclude close associations with others. Neither is the lack of such associations necessarily cause to suspect malignancy of character on the part of one's intended future partner. Circumstance can make hermits of us all, and dispossess us of filial delights as much as of amorous ones.
Where I would judge a woman – to the extent that I have standing to judge – is if she's reluctant to introduce me to her friends, or shuns the company of mine. If she has none, I would more sympathize than censure. Presumably if bilious disposition is responsible for her isolation, and not some accident or misfortune beyond her fault, then that will be unmasked soon enough.
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