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I'm sorry that this is a long post but I really need help figuring this situation out and I want to give some background.
Not in the Mood
I joined a new gym a few months ago. I was minding my own business at the gym. I've been pretty focused on my career and not really thinking about guys or putting out the vibe that I want to meet someone.
There is a personal trainer at the gym that I noticed was attractive but it was kind of like making an observation that a leaf is green - pretty detached. As I said I just wasn't in that frame of mind.
Getting my Attention
One day, to my surprise, I was stretching and I looked over and caught this personal trainer looking at me and then he embarrassingly looked away. I didn't think much of it - if he actually was looking at me it was a nice little ego boost but I considered also that he might have been looking at someone or something else even though there weren't any other females in the area at the time.
The next time I came into the gym he was standing near the weights and he appeared to be moving his head around to try to catch a glimpse of me as I walked towards some stairs. I noted it but again didn't think much of it.
He the same thing again a few days later.
Another day I was talking to a guy in the seating area and I caught him looking through a window embedded in the wall at me.
Another day I walked by and he stopped talking to the person he was talking to, stared at me and smiled. It kind of caught me off guard so I looked straight ahead and focused on where I was headed. At that point though I realized that this was not just in my imagination and because he is attractive it got me in the mood to respond back.
So, I was stretching and saw him from a distance and I held eye contact for a really long time to see what he'd do - he held it.
The next time I came in he walked by me and as he walked by he looked slowly up and down my body.
The next time I came in I was stretching after my workout and I noticed he positioned himself near the stretch area. We held prolonged eye contact with each other and smiled. To drive the point home even further as I was leaving I walked by him and made eye contact and smiled again. This time he didn't smile, he just stared intently at me.
It's complicated
I discovered that he is dating someone (they've been together a few months)- that someone is also a personal trainer at the gym. I've only ever exchanged a couple of words with her and she seems kind of bitchy to be honest.
After finding that out I was a bit discouraged but I considered that maybe things weren't going that well for him and he was keeping his options open so I tried to keep an open mind.
However, because she is often around I didn't want to approach him. He was really going to have to figure out a way to approach me. Plus, he started this whole thing. In addition, because he has a girlfriend I want to be too aggressive.
Now I'm Confused
I come in the next time and he doesn't initiate anything, although he did seem busy with a client and his girlfriend was nearby. Ok that's cool.
The next time I come in same thing, although I notice there is some time where he isn't with a client. Still no interaction with me.
At this point I feel that the ball is in his court and he's not doing anything with it so the situation is loosing it's momentum.
Also at this point making eye contact with him and smiling seems overboard and redundant and I've begun to mentally distance myself from the situation. He entered the gym as I was sitting near the entrance, we caught each other's eyes and then I looked down quickly at my reading material out of instinct. He probably thinks I'm turned off now.
Since then he doesn't look at me and there is just absolutely nothing.
Too Complicated?
What is happening here? I really don't get this!
My question is: Should I do anything here or just move on? The problem is I don't meet many people and I'm not attracted to people that often. I think that's why I'm stuck on this.
My other question is: Why would he do all of that if he didn't intend to come talk to me? Was it just to fuel his ego? Was he just playing around - he took it as far as he could go and now the fun is over?
I'd be willing to bet his girlfriend caught on and put the kibosh on the whole thing. Which is just one more excellent reason to not get involved with someone in a relationship.
What would you think of this guy if you were his girlfriend and he was checking out some random chick at the gym? You've never even spoken to the guy, why waste time thinking about him?
Did you make a post with this same exact dilemma a few months ago? Gym guy who was super into you but then cooled off?
And...wait...there was another one recently where the woman timed her gym visits according to when she thought he'd be there, and he kept changing his schedule. Is this you, as well?
Only advice to give: it's not going to happen, move on.
Move on OP. Guy is in a relationship and it doesn't matter how long they have been together. Relationship is a commitment and there is no need, no reason and it's immoral to meddle. Just shrug it off.
Guys look at girls. Especially in gyms. Just because he was eyeballing you doesnt mean he wants to get married and have a baby with you. He probably does it to lots of girls.
Wait, so you've never actually spoken but because he's looked your way a few times you think he's into you? Either way, he has a girlfriend. Leave him alone.
Oh boy, if I had a dime for every thread started about a girl crushing on a guy (usually a personal trainer) at the gym....
Anyway he has a girlfriend, so why are you sniffing around him? Or do you think because you think she seemed kinda "bitchy" it's totally justifiable to go after him?
Your desire for attention has got you obsessing over this guy.
find a different focus ,and move on before the fantasy snares you into trouble.
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