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I think a lot of them, you looked at out of context given it's via text.
- I don't believe not fighting is a sign of things being great, but less fighting is better than more.
- Her not always initiating affection? I don't see this as a red flag. It's just her personality. She hasn't from day one.
- She hopes the future is with me. Again, it's only been a year and one in which she went to law school. Don't think that's a huge red flag.
- Faintly hinted at having sex, because I knew she was working/needed to get this thing done that I didn't want to press things. Not sure that's a red flag.
- Texting has always been our preferred method of communication during the day. It and email. I meant in terms of when we were discussing "issues." Red flag, but we both acknowledge it.
- Maybe a red flag, maybe not. She did respond to the texts I sent, she was just short. And she said she was busy and stressed.
- Red flag, yes. I have done that and I know it isn't good.
- Don't see her wanting to be independent as a red flag. She has never had that opportunity before and I think everyone wants that chance.
- Not ready to live together? A lot of people aren't a year in.
I don't want to hit on every one, and I again respect the opinion, but I don't think those are all huge red flags. These are things that almost all couples deal with and often times make it through.
You have a love language disconnect. This will make you feel better. It can be remedied if you both really want it.
But it sounds to me like you have done EVERYTHING right and it is truly up to her to decide. Are you supposed to hide your feelings of love because she isn't ready to make a lifetime of commitment? You are doing all the work of this relationship and what is she contributing?
I think a lot of them, you looked at out of context given it's via text.
- I don't believe not fighting is a sign of things being great, but less fighting is better than more.
- Her not always initiating affection? I don't see this as a red flag. It's just her personality. She hasn't from day one.
- She hopes the future is with me. Again, it's only been a year and one in which she went to law school. Don't think that's a huge red flag.
- Faintly hinted at having sex, because I knew she was working/needed to get this thing done that I didn't want to press things. Not sure that's a red flag.
- Texting has always been our preferred method of communication during the day. It and email. I meant in terms of when we were discussing "issues." Red flag, but we both acknowledge it.
- Maybe a red flag, maybe not. She did respond to the texts I sent, she was just short. And she said she was busy and stressed.
- Red flag, yes. I have done that and I know it isn't good.
- Don't see her wanting to be independent as a red flag. She has never had that opportunity before and I think everyone wants that chance.
- Not ready to live together? A lot of people aren't a year in.
I don't want to hit on every one, and I again respect the opinion, but I don't think those are all huge red flags. These are things that almost all couples deal with and often times make it through.
Out of context, sure. But I think what you are missing is the overall atmosphere of separation that she seems to be fostering. She seems to be building walls between the two of you.
All relationships undergo times of stress, and law school is NOT the most stressful thing you can "go through." When a partner begins pushing you away and making excuses for it or claiming they "don't know" why they're doing things they're doing, it's just not good.
And no, her wanting to be independent is not a red flag, but her limiting you to one night a week is a BIG red flag.
I'm legit not trying to be a party pooper. I'm just letting you know what I see in the words you typed.
As a woman (and I did read your whole post) who does this to men and as one who has had men do this to me, I can tell you you need to back off. I'd give her time to contact you on the planned day and if she doesn't you contact her, as contact was the agreement. Tell her you're willing to back off and more importantly, DO IT. I think you'll be ok if you can do this. Good luck
You have a love language disconnect. This will make you feel better. It can be remedied if you both really want it.
But it sounds to me like you have done EVERYTHING right and it is truly up to her to decide. Are you supposed to hide your feelings of love because she isn't ready to make a lifetime of commitment? You are doing all the work of this relationship and what is she contributing?
Would be interested in seeing how she scores on this. I got 11 quality time, 8 physical touch, 4 receiving gifts, 4 words of affirmation and 3 acts of service.
As to your questions, I don't think I have to hide my feelings of love. She has never told me to cool it with my affection/acts of love. She does contribute. She has talked me through job changes within the past few months, she was there to listen when my grandfather was ill with pneumonia in May. She is good with those things, just not necessarily always with the small, physical tokens of affection. She also makes me want to motivate to become better/more successful.
As a woman (and I did read your whole post) who does this to men and as one who has had men do this to me, I can tell you you need to back off. I'd give her time to contact you on the planned day and if she doesn't you contact her, as contact was the agreement. Tell her you're willing to back off and more importantly, DO IT. I think you'll be ok if you can do this. Good luck
Yeah, I am definitely sucking up the agreement of our contact. It has been hard. I really have been tempted to reach out now that I have figured out myself a bit, but I have resisted. Fortunately, I have plans for the weekend, so I'll be a bit more distracted then.
When we met, she was starting her final year of law school and that caused no real issues for us. She graduated in May and, at the beginning of June, started on as an attorney at the firm she had been a law clerk at for a year.
As an outsider looking in this was the one thing that jumped out at me. What is going on in your professional life? Is it = or > then hers? She is moving up in the world if you don't move up with her this can cause some women to drop a man. Women are hypergamous.
Her pay rate is about to increase substantially and she may be evaluating what you bring to the table. She may not think that you bring enough and is starting to distance herself.
Sounds like you have an "I and Me" syndrome, with way too much emphasis on Sex. In a lasting relationship, you should be best friends, and you should not expect her to jump into bed whenever you feel like it. Its not all about you, all the time. If you can't be best friends, you will never be anything else, other than a passing whim.
When people say, "I don't know" and "I need time," the writing is on the wall.
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