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The Mr. and I got together when we were still rather young, so neither of us had much of a financial history yet. But, we did/do have similar goals and values when it comes to finances, so we've pretty much always been on the same page. Neither one of is "in charge" of the finances, but we have separate domains: I take care of the short-term (budgeting, bill-paying, leveraging) while he takes care of the long-term (investments, IRAs). No debt, other than occasionally having to carry a small credit card balance.
Early on in dating when you are casually discussing goals, dreams, vacations, purchases ...
If I feel he can't handle his money, has loans but an expensive car, spends more than he earns, has no savings - I am out of the door.
I was dating a guy last year who earns twice as much as me and he had NO Savings but big future plans. Planning on buying a house but has zero money saved up. If you are over 40, earn okay money, no wife, no kids, and live paycheck to paycheck but live in a nice house and drive a nice car and think that's normal - I am not for you.
If I hear somebody mentioning CC debt, my legs automatically close very tightly.
That's amazing you did that, I'm sure your wife is ever so grateful.
There's a mortgage, which is not bad, my concern are the cc.
I would like to see all the statements and plan how much to pay each month, but again Im worrying if Im not overstepping too much
How long have you been together? Do you live separate?
Did he have an emergency or why does he have CC debt (lame excuse or justified)?
Money is tough on a relationship. Cheating and money are the reasons why people break up.
When did your SO and yourself discuss and disclose all your financials?
At what point in the relationship were you?
If your partner had debt, was there a plan that both set up or was it on the person that accumulated the debt to pay it off?
I would like to know how couples have handled these issues successfully and your advice. Especially those that have done it before marriage.
When we put marriage on the table, due to combining of finances. We combined finances when we moved in together, around the same point that we got engaged. After we got married, we rolled some pre-existing 401(k)s we each had from previous employers into a single IRA. At that point, all financials were disclosed.
Major debt wasn't a factor for either of us, though. Just minimal student loan stuff (mine), a small mortgage (husband's). Nobody had CC debt, and we had each observed one another's general spending and budgeting habits while dating, and found one another to be similarly frugal and compatible in that way. Neither of us has any spending habits that the other finds alarming.
We knew our basic financial situation early on, but never put a plan together to really focus on it too awful much until marriage was on the table and a possibility. My wife has some more debt, mostly school debt, and also a bad loan on a 2 unit rental property which was upside down and which she was trying to sell.
Ultimately we decided to focus on paying off all the student loans, then selling the rental property for as much as possible and eating the difference since it would have taken many years to reach a break even point, before building maintenance and rehab (which was also significant).
I was completely debt free at the time, and she was working full time, so it really was not a terrible burden to do either. Just a few years later, our only debt is my wife's car loan for a brand new Lincoln she recently decided to treat herself to (and that loan is only for 32% of the MSRP value and at 0% interest, so it is rather insignificant compared to the value of the asset... it won't ever be upside down). Our home is paid for and now completely remodelled, my car is paid for (and fairly new, a 2013), and we regularly build savings.
It works because we are on the same page. So my advice would be, whatever the numbers at a given moment in time, the important thing is to have a plan, be on the same page, and make it happen.
Super early on.
But my wife is in finance/MBA, etc, and I don't care about "the taboo" of discussing money.
Given that $$ is the number one contributor to divorce, I want that potential deal breaker out on the table before I waste any more time dating someone.
How you handle your money speaks volumes about who you are, your priorities, your responsibility, attitudes regarding materialism and wastefulness, etc.
I could seriously not be happier about how my wife is with money.
We were fairly young when we met - 25 and 27 - and got married at 28 and 30. He had some student loans but neither one of us had any other debts. We could see each other's spending habits and they were fairly similar. We are not big spenders and we live within our means. Neither one of us is a crazy saver (not that that's a bad thing but we just don't save every penny). He did ask about my financials at one point in time. I don't really remember it since it wasn't a big deal to me - I had some savings, some stocks, and no debt - but I guess my parents were impressed that he asked about it! I don't really remember having a big conversation - I think it was just a lot of little conversations. But like I said, neither one of us had any debt besides his student loans and we both had similar spending/saving habits - so it's not like there was any cause for a tense discussion or anything. We opened a joint checking account before we got married and put all our money in there. We paid off his student loans ahead of time. He almost always made more money than I did - but even if he didn't, I would have just continued to pay off his student loans with our money anyway. The way I view marriage, you become a team so you pay off things together.
It works because we are on the same page. So my advice would be, whatever the numbers at a given moment in time, the important thing is to have a plan, be on the same page, and make it happen.
This is my experience, as well.
My husband decided in March that, with me driving around pregnant, and soon with a baby, it would be good for me to have a new, more reliable car (I don't generally do new cars, as a rule), and we discussed it, and I agreed to it, due to it being inexpensive and 0% interest. That's our only real debt, which is pretty insignificant. We are completely on the same page, in regard to saving/spending, which is really the key.
Married in our mid-40s so we both had significant assets. We knew quite a bit probably after the 1st year from general discussions, and filled in all the details before getting married. We are still merging everything together.
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My boyfriend and I discussed it within 1-2 months after we started dating.
And we are still discussing it until this very day, 2 years later.
I brought it up because I knew we were courting pretty early on, and I needed to know his stance on money, savings, etc. I personally am pretty diligent about saving staying out of credit card debt, not wasting money every week on clothing/jewelry/music/perfume, etc. I needed to know my future partner had a similar attitude...This was important to me.
I think often times people in serious romantic relationships act strange, in the sense that they don't want to talk about finances, spending habits, financial attitudes/mindsets, etc.
This baffles me, as they're willing to talk about and engage in sex (something I consider infinitely more private and personal)...yet clam up when discussing their individualized views on money.
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