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Old 07-24-2015, 10:59 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,961 posts, read 17,288,409 times
Reputation: 30257

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You're going to have to avoid places you might run into her for awhile until you're over her. No? Well, you're gonna have to deal with it being thrown in your face.
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Old 07-24-2015, 11:03 PM
 
Location: Tampa (by way of Omaha)
14,561 posts, read 23,012,670 times
Reputation: 10356
Quote:
Originally Posted by David Aguilar View Post
Given that fact, OP will know rest of town's dirt as well.

Him being the cheated, does not demonize him in the slightest. Makes her look quite bad though, easy money, as they say.
I doubt that is gonna be any comfort to him.
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Old 07-24-2015, 11:15 PM
 
Location: Arvada, CO
13,827 posts, read 29,862,778 times
Reputation: 14428
Quote:
Originally Posted by McBain II View Post
I doubt that is gonna be any comfort to him.
Yeah, it sucks.

If I were him, I'd give myself a few-several months to cry about it. I wouldn't try to win her back, though the temptation and opportunities will be there. There will be a lot of discomfort, for quite awhile. I went into a dark hole once (may indeed happen for OP), and only came out once I rebounded, like it was enough to get me out of the hole, but not enough to completely heal (there could be scars, depending on the depth of the connection).

It isn't completely outside of the realm of possibility that they get back together someday, this is common in small towns too, the culture tends to be extremely forgiving.
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Old 07-24-2015, 11:49 PM
 
5,413 posts, read 6,683,830 times
Reputation: 9351
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wayne123456 View Post
So my first post here. Discovered girlfriend of 4 years spent 3 nights with someone new in a small town. She denies it but I am certain, period. Confronted both & they lied. Now broken up but we all hang in same small town. Its getting ugly as she still denies it but hangs with him at beach where I hang out in my face. How does one deal with this, it sucks.
Okay...it's true (though you have not said why you know its true...but we'll just believe you for now)....you've confronted them.....cut off the relationship....no reason why she can't hang out with him since you aren't seeing her any longer.

You have to move on.
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Old 07-25-2015, 07:05 AM
 
Location: NNJ
15,053 posts, read 10,045,925 times
Reputation: 17223
You already have the answer... you have to move on.

I'm just adding that it always gets better with time. Focus on yourself for a while then get out there date other people when you feel up to it. I found the best medicine to help get past it is distraction.
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Old 07-25-2015, 07:13 AM
 
5,428 posts, read 4,433,360 times
Reputation: 7263
Relationship is over. Time to focus on the next one. Now, dating in smaller towns has its own set of circumstances that are challenging. At the same time, dating in big cities presents a semi-different set of challenges as well.
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Old 07-25-2015, 07:13 AM
 
3,350 posts, read 2,840,523 times
Reputation: 2258
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wayne123456 View Post
So my first post here. Discovered girlfriend of 4 years spent 3 nights with someone new in a small town. She denies it but I am certain, period. Confronted both & they lied. Now broken up but we all hang in same small town. Its getting ugly as she still denies it but hangs with him at beach where I hang out in my face. How does one deal with this, it sucks.
You better the mature person and let it go.
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Old 07-25-2015, 07:15 AM
 
Location: European Union
176 posts, read 189,055 times
Reputation: 287
First, good for you for finishing the relationship with a cheater, or your chances to put this behind you would have been very little and your life would have become an agony. You might have a bit of a hard time now, but you've been brave, did the right thing and you'll feel better in a short while. They may seem to do ok now, not so good as they may appear to others though (keep this in mind), but they will meet the consequences of their behaviour, no doubt. Your processes are a bit reversed, I suppose, but I'd rather be in your shoes, than theirs, especially hers, because she's headed for a second abrupt relationship failure, and pretty soon she won't be able to avoid facing them both anymore.

Forgetting someone really is a matter of attention, in my opinion, and it would do you a lot of good if you tried to concentrate on other things, fill your life with new happy experiences, friends and family, allowing your feelings for her to decrease naturally and start vanishing. This gradual process of emotional detachment from the relationship you had will also help you to deal with the moments you see them or meet them somewhere. You might not even care about meeting them at all actually, when you'll realise that they don't stand a chance for long real happiness, because they'll have their own issues to deal with, and especially because they'll never be able to really forget about you, and three people in a relationship is a recipe for disaster from the start, they just need to figure this out.

Try to concentrate on your work, sports, friends, family, do something nice for yourself, offer yourself a nice new experience, dedicate to your hobbies, bring new joy and stimulation in your life, and you'll see that every small step you take helps you a lot to move on, be happy again, and when you feel ready, to meet someone new.

Last edited by BlazingStars; 07-25-2015 at 07:30 AM..
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Old 07-25-2015, 07:27 AM
 
5,472 posts, read 7,592,324 times
Reputation: 5793
I read gf cheated, and my answer became, move on. Or run, pick one. Do you want to build a future with a cheater?
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Old 07-25-2015, 10:16 AM
 
Location: New Yawk
9,196 posts, read 7,208,181 times
Reputation: 15314
Assuming you've broken up with her, just lay low if you need to and go about your business. If people are already talking, then you're going to come out looking a whole lot better if you take the high road and don't say too much about her or the situation. At first it's going to be super awkward to run into her, but it get's easier after a while.
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