Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
This. OP, as cold as this may sound...if you truly don't feel comfortable continuing the friendship, then just politely end it ASAP and get it over with. Do not let this issue simmer and fester. Yes, he will likely feel hurt. Oh well, sucks for him, but that's life. Emotional pain happens sometimes; just about everyone encounters it from time to time. He'll just have to eventually suck it up and get over it, simple as that. One of the signs of a mature person is his or her ability to deal with emotional pain and rejection, come to terms and acceptance with the situation, get over it and move on with his life. One of the signs of an immature person is if he/she dwells on the situation too much and becomes resentful. Hopefully your friend is mature and respectful.
At the very least, take a break from the friendship for a while (a year or two, perhaps), and do not interact with him in any way during that time. Also, try not to interact with his friends. Hopefully during that hiatus, both you AND him will each find significant others. If/when you two do get in touch again, hopefully he'll be completely over you and happily in love with his own girlfriend...in which case the friendship may be able to be salvaged (assuming his GF and your BF if you have one are both okay with it). If not, then permanently cut off all contact with him.
Most men and women have opposite sex friends, including attractive ones. It's not that hard. Having good self-control is essential in order to avoid potential issues. I would personally have concerns about any woman who opposed having male friends and disapproved of me having female friends. That said, you do need to be careful about which opposite sex people you become friends with (ideally, they would also be on good terms with your SO if you have one). A real friend would respect your boundaries.
Thank you for your insightful post. My husband made friends with a younger woman. Recently, they increased their contact to daily texting, and my husband has become "too attached" to her, even admitting he wanted to establish a sexual relationship with her. I am on good terms with the young lady also, having met her since all of this has occurred. I talk to her more openly than DH does, and asked her about her feelings on being "the other woman". She tells me she has no desire to be put in that position, and that my DH would never make a pass at her. Now the ball is in his court, to cool things off, or have a face to face talk with her about his feelings. I am pretty sure he won't have the face to face conversation, as he has a very hard time discussing things like this openly. From what he tells me, he is just backing off on the texting, and no longer making tentative plans to visit her after work.
Is it better to keep being "friends"? When you know the other one is feeling more than you are?
Or is it better to cut off contact...and just let things die off naturally. (?)
Or..is there another option?
If she continues to be his "friend"...and knows he is hoping for more..or hoping she will change her mind...or hoping...he can change her mind.....or.....
Thanks for replies everyone.
Unfortunately, this is not the first male friend that I've lost because they develop feelings for me. I keep on hoping that opposite sex friendship is possible but so far trial and error has proven otherwise. Sign.
It is possible.
He says he likes you. You say you don't feel the same way.
He says maybe you'll change your mind. You tell him your mind is made up, so if he wants to be friends, he needs to respect that.
Then, you see if he respects that.
Plenty of dudes you might not want may be having romantic thoughts about you at ANY time.
No need to give that aspect another thought.
__________________
When in doubt, check it out: FAQ
I agree with this...extremely shallow and lame of the OP to sever a friendship just because the dude said he viewed you as more than just a friend...its a weak tactic of avoidance to discontinue a friendship for this reason alone...you act like the dude said he wanted to marry you or some sh*t...he just said he had a crush on you...nothing more, nothing less...quit jumping to conclusions
Oh, the everlovin' irony. You have no idea what type of friendship this is.
What I've picked up on in this thread is that he actually makes her physically uncomfortable. This is not good, and I trust her intuition.
OP, if you really want to be gentle, you could tell him that you want to spend some time apart. And then just...don't re-start the friendship. Let it fade away. He will probably realize, in this time, that he needs to get over you and that not being friends is a good thing. I'm sure some would say that this is "stringing him along", but I don't think so. I think he'll get the hint. However, if he doesn't get the hint and starts pestering you, then it's time to bring down the hammer and lay it all out, including the part about him making you feel uncomfortable.
In order for an opposite sex friendship to work, both of them have to be in the same book and on the same page.
Otherwise it will not work.
Well any friendship or any sexual relationship
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
