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Just try the old fashion way on the streets! I did try POF for a month I got maybe 2 messages.... women on there want a perfect man and there is too much competition. Try joining some thing were you can get to know a girl and they get to know the real you. That's just me.
POF mess with people profile to show that they are more often.
what if they say "id rather talk more on here first"
Tell them you do not want to invest too much time developing a relationship online, because it makes it more difficult if you meet and there is no attraction.
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how nicely you say it depends on how long you have been strung along.
I know you guys don't like the double standard but . . .I have a guy who I feel is doing this to me. I want to say something but won't because he should make the move. Once I had a guy I really hit it off with online. He NEVER made the move and after 3 months (no joke, 3 months) I finally asked him if he wanted to join me for something I did every Wednesday night at that time. He did and he was a great guy. I think some women, like me, do much better with the ones we write and speak to on the phone for some time before meeting.
We are all guarded as adults , most of us by the time we're 20 due to "being hurt", waiting (though I prefer not to) can with some women, make things go so much smoother by the time you do meet. Something to consider?
I know you guys don't like the double standard but . . .I have a guy who I feel is doing this to me. I want to say something but won't because he should make the move. Once I had a guy I really hit it off with online. He NEVER made the move and after 3 months (no joke, 3 months) I finally asked him if he wanted to join me for something I did every Wednesday night at that time. He did and he was a great guy. I think some women, like me, do much better with the ones we write and speak to on the phone for some time before meeting.
We are all guarded as adults , most of us by the time we're 20 due to "being hurt", waiting (though I prefer not to) can with some women, make things go so much smoother by the time you do meet. Something to consider?
no double standard there, we each approach relationships in our own ways, as what works best for us. me i get frustrated when a woman strings me along with messages, phone calls, etc. i like to meet in person, so my charm can come through loud and clear. i also like to meet in person so i can get a true read on the person, their mood, their character, etc.
as for being hurt, i dont let things like that get to me anymore. i dont have the time to deal with the hurt from losing a possible relationship, or even a full on relationship.
You know, it's almost like there are two types of people doing online dating...
1) The ones who want to meet someone. And they meet up pretty quickly, in my experience less than a week or two.
2) The ones who think they might want to date, aren't really "ready" yet, and they are using online dating to stick their toes in the water. Most times, they never really jump in in the pool. I don't think they are purposely wasting people's time so much as unsure what they want to do. These people will become your dating site penpals if you aren't careful (and I've had a few of those too).
That's been my experience as well. In fact I had a conversation with a #2 last night and he was so excited to talk to me on the phone and the conversations we had flowed well and I said I wanted to meet and the excuses just started to roll on out--he had a million. Basically what it boiled down to was that he was still not over the ex or what she had done to him and needed more time--a lot more time. I wrote him an email last night and said I was going to stop talking to him as he was clearly not ready and he said that he could tell when the enthusiasm went out of my voice but that he would have kept talking to me as long as I'd been willing to! This is why I press people at some point if I've gotten to know them, or I disappear if I haven't. I hate that feeling of having wasted my time and I just don't anymore.
That's been my experience as well. In fact I had a conversation with a #2 last night and he was so excited to talk to me on the phone and the conversations we had flowed well and I said I wanted to meet and the excuses just started to roll on out--he had a million. Basically what it boiled down to was that he was still not over the ex or what she had done to him and needed more time--a lot more time. I wrote him an email last night and said I was going to stop talking to him as he was clearly not ready and he said that he could tell when the enthusiasm went out of my voice but that he would have kept talking to me as long as I'd been willing to! This is why I press people at some point if I've gotten to know them, or I disappear if I haven't. I hate that feeling of having wasted my time and I just don't anymore.
I have no proof, but I think this is the majority of the people who end up more like "pen pals" and aren't ready and are on dating sites. I think when their heart is broken, instead of trying to work their way though it and over it, instead they try the old adage of "getting back out there" and "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else" and the like. They are really doing themselves a disservice because you have to go through the pain in order to fully heal. Trying to bury the hurt makes it last longer (and can scar one emotionally).
I think a few of these people who aren't over it yet still go on dates too. Because of my age and the age I date, most of my online dates with with those who were divorced and not over the pain. I felt more like a therapist than a date listening to them complain about the ex, complain about the hurt, complain about the betrayal, etc on dates.
The person I am dating now I met online and while also divorced, this person is "over it." The pain and the hatred of the ex is over and they are totally into me and our new relationship. It makes a big difference.
I have no proof, but I think this is the majority of the people who end up more like "pen pals" and aren't ready and are on dating sites. I think when their heart is broken, instead of trying to work their way though it and over it, instead they try the old adage of "getting back out there" and "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else" and the like. They are really doing themselves a disservice because you have to go through the pain in order to fully heal. Trying to bury the hurt makes it last longer (and can scar one emotionally).
Well I have to admit that I did this too. I think the reason is because after being married and/or in a relationship with my ex for 25 years, or what amounted to more than half my life, I was very curious as to whether I was still attractive and whether anyone would even want to date me. Once I had satisfied myself on that point I dropped my profile and concentrated on healing, and yet I know that I set myself back a little just like you said. However, I did go on dates with those I was interested in, but none led to anything but then they may not have anyway.
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