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It sounds like your wife is EXTREMELY insecure and, yes, jealous.
This will be very difficult to work through, and you probably will need help to do it.
But seriously, the timeline of when and how long you knew the ex and when the wife came into the picture matters. It doesn't sound like there has been a very long time in between the two relationships, and if your wife feels the need to compete with the ex, you will lose.
There was almost two years between the relationships
Your wife's birthday not over yet? When exactly is her birthday? Or is this yearly birthday issue, as I am pretty sure exact same thing was posted before quite some time ago.
Wow, I am amazed by everyone telling the OP to get a divorce! Yikes! What about talking through these issues?? Yes, the wife sounds insecure, but as some others said, you need to have a heart-to-heart on why you don't spend that way anymore, how it made you feel, etc. My feelings would initially be hurt as well I think (before understanding the full story).
I would also suggest that you both take the 5 Languages of Love quiz. Different people like to show love in different ways (acts of service, touch, gifts, words of affirmation, quality time). It sounds like maybe she falls under the gift spectrum.
Your wife's birthday not over yet? When exactly is her birthday? Or is this yearly birthday issue, as I am pretty sure exact same thing was posted before quite some time ago.
Location: IN>Germany>ND>OH>TX>CA>Currently NoVa and a Vacation Lake House in PA
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Your marriage sounds like this:
She's acting beyond ridiculous, but you've given her way too much information about your past. The past is the past, and if she's not willing to move forward I say put her in your past as well.
From your thread title, "Wife found out about my past..." I opened the thread thinking it was going to be about a history of criminal problems, drug abuse, serial cheating, or something similarly concerning.
You don't have "a past." You had a serious girlfriend prior to knowing her. Big deal. I lived with someone for five years before I met my husband, we had a life together, filled with serious couple things.
Your wife is being insecure and petty, and needs to get over it. If she can't, and being insecure and petty is part of her innate personality, to the point where the fact that you had a previous girlfriend who you ill-advisedly and regrettably spent a buttload of money on and have since changed your ways, a girlfriend that she knows about, is so troubling to her, you may have chosen poorly in a spouse.
Have you talked to your wife a lot about how much you loved this person, how devastated you were when things ended, etc.? If so, that may contribute to feelings of insecurity in your wife, like, "Well, he'd still choose to be with her if he had the chance, I'm a "'next best' option," etc. It may be why she's thinking that she's not as valued, if she knows that you lavished on an ex, and thinks you don't see her in the same way. Does she know that your spending habits in the past are ones you very much regret, and changing those habits is really just a part of maturing, not a commentary on how important you consider her to be?
Regardless, she seems quite immature in her reaction.
I guess I'm immature, as I can understand how the wife would feel - before I calmed down.
I also want to know the OP's reaction when the wife confronted him. Did you explain why you no longer spend that kind of money? Or did you blow her off and say "It's my money and I can spend it how I see fit"?
And some people DO place emphasis on money. It's not necessarily a bad thing, they just need to find others who feel the same way.
There's "placing emphasis on money," and "defining how much somebody cares about you by how lavishly/extravagantly they spend on frivolities for you." Two different things.
If the latter is "tearing your marriage apart," you probably had a not too rock-solid marriage to begin with.
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