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Old 07-28-2015, 02:11 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,418,348 times
Reputation: 53067

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnsunio View Post
Why is it some wives complain if their spouse spends too much time with his parents? Let's say the parents have physical problems and their son has to come over and help his folks out with things? The wife's parents on the other hand don't have any physical problems. All they complain useless stuff such as vacation to some destination and the husband has to suffer through all that nonsense. If the wife complains is it worth dumping and divorcing her if she can't be patient with her husband's parents? Yes or no?
Could be that the wife is not very compassionate, and/or would find it a better use of resources and time to arrange for additional help or resources for the husband's parents, if they are unable to live very indpendently.

Could be that the husband minimizes and is resentful of the wife's parents because they are independent and do not require caregiving and finds their concerns to be nonsense, which offends the wife.

Could be lots of things.

Also definitely sounds like the two are not on the same page regarding their philosophies of caring for aging parents, which is a pretty big thing, in terms of marital compatibility.
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Old 07-28-2015, 03:15 PM
 
698 posts, read 585,925 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnsunio View Post
Why is it some wives complain if their spouse spends too much time with his parents? Let's say the parents have physical problems and their son has to come over and help his folks out with things? The wife's parents on the other hand don't have any physical problems. All they complain useless stuff such as vacation to some destination and the husband has to suffer through all that nonsense. If the wife complains is it worth dumping and divorcing her if she can't be patient with her husband's parents? Yes or no?
No woman appreciates a momma's boy type. Your wife and her feelings should always be the top priority in your life and it is clear that is not always the case.
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Old 07-28-2015, 03:18 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,418,348 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newtoks View Post
No woman appreciates a momma's boy type. Your wife and her feelings should always be the top priority in your life and it is clear that is not always the case.
Taking care of disabled relatives (if that is the case), is not necessarily being a "momma's boy."

I would personally be appalled if my spouse had disabled parents and did nothing to assist them in any way. I would expect that my spouse would be appalled if I refused to help his OR my parents, were they in need.
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Old 07-28-2015, 03:25 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,402,364 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnsunio View Post
True. Sometimes it is not worth getting married or in a relationship if the guy has parents that have hearts on their sleeve and has physical problems and the wife has parents with no physical problems and just brag about vacations and spending money right???
OP, this is too garbled to make any sense out of. You need to explain your situation more. Usually, if a wife is complaining about her husband spending too much time with his parents, it's not because they're ill or handicapped. It's because he's too attached to his parents, a "mama's boy", and/or he's avoiding intimacy with his wife. In other words, he doesn't put his marriage first. His wife is the one he married, he's supposed to be committed to her, and interested in her enough to dedicate a certain amount of his leisure time to her, barring unusual circumstances that may require he help his parents often. If he's avoiding spending at least part of the weekend with her on a regular basis, and is avoiding taking vacations with her, usually the wife is justified in feeling like she's not important to him.


What your specific situation is, we have no idea, because you haven't explained it. Normally, a spouse would be supportive of their SO taking care of disabled parents, unless the parents monopolize their child's time. If it's putting a strain on the marriage, alternatives should be explored, like looking into hiring a caregiver at least part of the time, getting help through the Social Security admin, etc.
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Old 07-28-2015, 03:37 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,436 posts, read 34,636,835 times
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Can't answer that without some form of context. Too much? Quantify that please. 2 days a week? Every night?

So because of parents needing care no family vacations?

What is wrong with the parents that they require care?
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Old 07-29-2015, 07:53 AM
 
8 posts, read 6,026 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
Taking care of disabled relatives (if that is the case), is not necessarily being a "momma's boy."

I would personally be appalled if my spouse had disabled parents and did nothing to assist them in any way. I would expect that my spouse would be appalled if I refused to help his OR my parents, were they in need.
I agree. But in the first place was it marrying the woman the right thing to do if she was going to expect the husband to take care of his folks? If she isn't understanding then she really isn't worth it to spend a life with. And that is a childish remark about being a Mommas Boy. Women spend time and a lot with their mothers as well . Why aren't they called Mommas girl?
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Old 07-29-2015, 07:54 AM
 
8 posts, read 6,026 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
Can't answer that without some form of context. Too much? Quantify that please. 2 days a week? Every night?

So because of parents needing care no family vacations?

What is wrong with the parents that they require care?
Spend a day every other Saturday and if an emergency for a day. That is still ok
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Old 07-29-2015, 08:00 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,625,050 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnsunio View Post
I agree. But in the first place was it marrying the woman the right thing to do if she was going to expect the husband to take care of his folks? If she isn't understanding then she really isn't worth it to spend a life with.
Is the hypothetical husband you made up for this scenario right or wrong for marrying the hypothetical wife you also made up? Gee, I don't know. It's so tough to decide.

Quote:
And that is a childish remark about being a Mommas Boy. Women spend time and a lot with their mothers as well . Why aren't they called Mommas girl?
Everybody knows what a mama's boy is except the mama's boys. The female equivalent is a daddy's girl.
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Old 07-29-2015, 08:03 AM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,418,348 times
Reputation: 53067
Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnsunio View Post
I agree. But in the first place was it marrying the woman the right thing to do if she was going to expect the husband to take care of his folks? If she isn't understanding then she really isn't worth it to spend a life with. And that is a childish remark about being a Mommas Boy. Women spend time and a lot with their mothers as well . Why aren't they called Mommas girl?
My use of the term "momma's boy" was specifically in response to the poster I directly quoted in my post, who had stated "No woman appreciates a momma's boy type." If you have a problem with the term, take it up with that poster, not me.
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Old 07-29-2015, 08:06 AM
 
35,095 posts, read 51,109,197 times
Reputation: 62664
Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnsunio View Post
Why is it some wives complain if their spouse spends too much time with his parents? Let's say the parents have physical problems and their son has to come over and help his folks out with things? The wife's parents on the other hand don't have any physical problems. All they complain useless stuff such as vacation to some destination and the husband has to suffer through all that nonsense. If the wife complains is it worth dumping and divorcing her if she can't be patient with her husband's parents? Yes or no?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnsunio View Post
Well if the wife if not showing respect for handicapped people and loved ones she is definitely worth a divorce

You just answered your own question. Wasn't that easy and you did it without any help from random strangers on a public forum.

I would love it if Mr. CSD could spend more time with his parents however, both of the crossed over before I even met him so that is not possible.
He does spend as much time with his brothers as possible but real life and being spread over several different states makes it tough to visit but they all talk several times a week.
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