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I think I would rather slice open my throat then to feel obligated to stay with someone just because we have kids together. Although, I would feel guilty about breaking up a home since I grew up in a 2 parent household.
But according to you, your parents' relationship was garbage.
Plus most couples stop being affectionate or having sex after a few years (there are exceptions) . Once people get comfortable around their spouse, they often feel like they can talk to their partner anyway they choose and not give a crap about how they feel. I have experienced that in my own relationships.
I'm really sorry that that has been your experience in relationships. But that is not the norm. That just means you didn't find someone compatible yet.
I think one of the keys to a successful relationship is finding someone with whom it's easy to rediscover the spark. Sparks die. People drift apart. Nobody's totally gaga over each other 100% of the time. But when it's right, you find yourself falling in love all over again and coming back together and rekindling that spark, repeatedly. When it's right, you continue to care how your spouse feels, no matter how long you've been together. Having sex is trickier - there are biological reasons why some couples stop doing that - but people in good relationships don't stop being affectionate. Maybe it's not as much as when the love was new, but it's still there.
The big payoff of a LTR is feeling that giddy thing out of the blue on a Thursday afternoon for the partner you've known for over 10 years.
Yeah. Seeing that person across the room at a party, looking sharp in that new shirt you bought him for Christmas, and thinking "That's my man over there. We're going home together!" Entirely possible after 14 years of knowing someone!
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ninersfan82
It seems that the spark dies in most relationships when people have been together more than 10 or 15 years. Plus when people get married, they never know what type of partner they will be stuck with because people often times are dishonest about who they are until they get married. I would think you get tired of dealing with the same person's flaws and having the same arguments all the time after 15+ years. Plus most couples stop being affectionate or having sex after a few years (there are exceptions) . Once people get comfortable around their spouse, they often feel like they can talk to their partner anyway they choose and not give a crap about how they feel. I have experienced that in my own relationships. So at that point, there is only one reason to stay married? The kids.
I think I would rather slice open my throat then to feel obligated to stay with someone just because we have kids together. Although, I would feel guilty about breaking up a home since I grew up in a 2 parent household.
Now, I see why so many people are anti-marriage....
Yeah, most couples do stay together for the kids. I'm not having kids so I can be content with hookups and FWBs for the rest of my life and not have to worry about the eventual fizzle of relationships.
It seems that the spark dies in most relationships when people have been together more than 10 or 15 years. Plus when people get married, they never know what type of partner they will be stuck with because people often times are dishonest about who they are until they get married. I would think you get tired of dealing with the same person's flaws and having the same arguments all the time after 15+ years. Plus most couples stop being affectionate or having sex after a few years (there are exceptions) . Once people get comfortable around their spouse, they often feel like they can talk to their partner anyway they choose and not give a crap about how they feel. I have experienced that in my own relationships. So at that point, there is only one reason to stay married? The kids.
I think I would rather slice open my throat then to feel obligated to stay with someone just because we have kids together. Although, I would feel guilty about breaking up a home since I grew up in a 2 parent household.
Now, I see why so many people are anti-marriage....
So how do you explain all of the millions of couples who have been married in excess of 40 years and do not have children?
Your assumption regarding long term marriages is greatly flawed.
PS ~~ Many couples do not quit having sex or being affectionate after 10 or 15 years even if they have children.
They also do not treat each other the way that you have stated so the issues you see in your relationship are purely your issues and belong to no one else.
The world is made up of lots of different types of people. Some seek novelty in relationships, like the OP, others seek contentment, like me, and still others don't seek romantic relationships at all. I don't understand the point of this thread, other than maybe looking for support or trying to rile people up. Whatever. You're free to live however you choose, OP.
It seems that the spark dies in most relationships when people have been together more than 10 or 15 years. Plus when people get married, they never know what type of partner they will be stuck with because people often times are dishonest about who they are until they get married. I would think you get tired of dealing with the same person's flaws and having the same arguments all the time after 15+ years. Plus most couples stop being affectionate or having sex after a few years (there are exceptions) . Once people get comfortable around their spouse, they often feel like they can talk to their partner anyway they choose and not give a crap about how they feel. I have experienced that in my own relationships. So at that point, there is only one reason to stay married? The kids.
I think I would rather slice open my throat then to feel obligated to stay with someone just because we have kids together. Although, I would feel guilty about breaking up a home since I grew up in a 2 parent household.
Now, I see why so many people are anti-marriage....
Well I can see your point of view and in many marriages that is true but in many others it is not. I have ran into quite a few of my friends from when I was in the army and very few of them are still married to the same person and some of them are not married at all but some other still are so it varies. As far as the kids go yes many couples stay together to avoid hurting the kids but that can hurt them even more down,the road. It depends on the mentality of the parties involved. I know several people who have gotten divorced after many years of being married. One guy was left by his wife after 19 years of marriage, as soon as their son went off to college she packed her things and moved out so yes it happens a lot but not all couples are like that.
I'm married almost 27 years. We have one grown son (age 26) who lives in a different state. Last night I said, "Why am I still wearing a bra?!" And I whipped my shirt off to remove the over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder and my husband clapped his hands and yelled, "Whoo hooo!" as he does every single time he sees my nekkid bewbs. It's almost funny because he's seen me topless a million times, obviously. We're best friends and get along fantastically. I think it's the best thing we could have done for our son, too... he's seen us laugh and fight and kiss and hug. I'd have never stayed with a man I didn't truly care for just for the sake of my child. The children know when their parents don't like one another.
There are lots of married couples who really and truly like each other as people! Don't be jaded. It will affect your attitude.
Again, not sure of the source of the data you are basing this on. Seems like a guess. Also doesn't explain what keeps childless people in long-term relationships and marriages together.
I think there are simply people who are overly fixated on being able to predict why relationships WOULDN'T work, rather than simply committing to building relationships that DO work with like-minded people.
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