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I recently found out that my boyfriend has gotten 3 ex's pregnant. (Note, he doesn't have any children...all of the pregnancies ended.)
About a year in to our relationship I found out about 1 of these incidences. It stung pretty deeply and I was hurt, especially because it happened right when we first met, and pregnancy is a big deal to me. I'm not completely accurate about the timing but I think something like a month in to our relationship was when he found out she was pregnant. Anyway, we spoke about it, he told me the person didn't mean anything, etc etc, time went on and I got over it.
Fast forward a year. Now we are just over 2 years in to our relationship and moving in to our first apartment together. I find out that he has also gotten his 2 ex's pregnant. He added that they "weren't exactly accidents" but "not planned". Also, they were when he was younger. Note: these 2 ex's were long-term relationships.
Now, here we are talking about marriage and having children together. This is what's hurting me:
1) he was careless enough to let this happen not 1 or 2, but 3 times (that I know of)
2) thinking about what this says about me. He talks about his ex's like they were the worst thing for him, however he was thinking about having a child with them. What makes me so different that he ACTUALLY wants to have a child with me?
3) If and when I do get pregnant with this man's child, it will be a first for me, and the most precious part of life, and he will have already been through this. Will I be able to let it go? Will I be on the table getting a sonogram thinking about this?
Please, if anyone can give me their perspective on this, I would really appreciate it. Am I out of line for being upset over this? I'm a very deep feeler with deep emotions but I'm also a level headed professional who's got her "stuff" together. Just a side note for perspective - we're in our early 30s.
Thank you.
It would be a complete and total dealbreaker for me.
An unplanned, presumably unwanted pregnancy that is "ended" is the kind of catastrophic life lesson that, for most people, you only learn the hard way ONCE.
The fact that he went on and "not exactly accidentally" got two more women pregnant is a HUGE negative in my book. I don't care how much "younger" he was.
I mean, at the very least that and the unilateral trashing of the exes does not say much about his judgment or his intelligence.
It would be a complete and total dealbreaker for me.
An unplanned, presumably unwanted pregnancy that is "ended" is the kind of catastrophic life lesson that, for most people, you only learn the hard way ONCE.
The fact that he went on and "not exactly accidentally" got two more women pregnant is a HUGE negative in my book. I don't care how much "younger" he was.
I mean, at the very least that and the unilateral trashing of the exes does not say much about his judgment or his intelligence.
My ex also got his previous ex before me pregnant but she got abortion. It wasn't planned either...just being careless. Was I upset when I found out ?No. People make mistake and learn from it
I could not stay with a person who was so careless that he got three chicks pregnant. That means he didn't learn to wear a rubber the first time. Add to that, he has little to no thought of human life, and I consider that heinous. At the very least, those pregnancies could have resulted in adopted children to people who can't get pregnant.
Your boyfriend is an assclown. Get on birth control before he knocks you up and insists you have an abortion or leaves you.
This is what I'm thinking. There is no good reason in this day and age for anyone to be having 3 unplanned pregnancies and acting like it's no big deal that the pregnancies ended (presumably in abortion). If he was embarrassed or showed remorse about what happened, then that might be a mitigating factor.
In my experience, when a person has sloppy habits in one area of life (especially something important like preventing pregnancy), they tend to be sloppy in A LOT of areas of life (their own health habits, money management, how they treat you, etc.)
My ex also got his previous ex before me pregnant but she got abortion. It wasn't planned either...just being careless. Was I upset when I found out ?No. People make mistake and learn from it
But this guy didn't make one "mistake". He made 3. At some point, it starts looking like a long term pattern.
Location: Somewhere in a Field of Hopes and Dreams
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It seems to me like he's one who sees abortions as a easy fix to a larger issue, and his was/is carelessness.
I would be weary too, in my opinion his decisions shows someone greatly irresponsible and without much consideration for the things he does.
It also looks like he may be the type that likes to toss things to the side when they are no longer GOOD FOR HIM.
Yeah, I would maybe hold off in moving in and possibly having children with him until he shows he's a little more conscious and smart about what he does.
Who needs a careless, immature and selfish husband and father to their kids?
AND he lied ***(withholding the truth is a form of deception)***
Location: Somewhere in a Field of Hopes and Dreams
596 posts, read 627,530 times
Reputation: 683
Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticaltyger
This is what I'm thinking. There is no good reason in this day and age for anyone to be having 3 unplanned pregnancies and acting like it's no big deal that the pregnancies ended (presumably in abortion). If he was embarrassed or showed remorse about what happened, then that might be a mitigating factor.
In my experience, when a person has sloppy habits in one area of life (especially something important like preventing pregnancy), they tend to be sloppy in A LOT of areas of life (their own health habits, money management, how they treat you, etc.)
10000 points for you!!!!
I hope the OP wises up and takes heed to such sound advice AND her gut before she ends up knocked up, alone, and busted and disgusted!
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