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She is following a career path. They are in high school.
You want to travel the world and you don't want your girlfriend to come with you because you don't want her around.
These are not the same situations.
[snip]
And you are basically getting the same advice - which is to not be in a relationship if you want to do what you want.
Bottom line.
It seems to me the response is the same...both posters have been told, understandably, that they are best served by ending their relationships, because the things they want to do are not well-suited to doing while remaining in a relationship with the person they are with. I don't really see a double standard.
But, yes, since you mention it, it does seem less and less like this thread is legitimate, versus just a fake situation that was created by someone who wanted to make some sort of a point about the military thread.
I'm putting in this possibly-oldfashioned POV, and then will duck before the darts start flying:
1. Forbidding someone to do something is out-of-line, if it isn't harming someone or infringing on someone else's rights;
2. If a person wants virtually everything he/she does to be a matter of catering to someone else, it's not an appropriate viewpoint when they are only 'in a relationship.'
I didn't phrase that very well - but rather than edit it - I'll rephrase it here.
If the OP wants to travel alone and doesn't want his girlfriend with him at all - it's hard for me to understand why he would want to stay with her anyway. I love to travel. What would make traveling better? Having my husband with me. Having him to share it with me. If my boyfriend wanted to go to all these amazing places and did not want me with him - he would not be the right person for me. If he wants to do what he wants to do - and he doesn't want to do them with me - then it's not the right relationship for me.
The woman in the military post is also willing to accept that breaking up is likely in order, given her level of interest in maintaining the relationship in comparison to her desire to follow a particular career path.
The man in this situation hasn't indicated that he plans to break things off, even though it would make the most sense, given his level of interest in maintaining the relationship in comparison to his desire to hang out in Bali, Las Vegas, et al.
One is looking at the life she's building, which a boyfriend CAN'T come along with, even if he wanted to.
The other is looking at a vacation he's taking, which a girlfriend certainly COULD come along with. If he desired that, which he doesn't.
Question: Why SHOULD a girlfriend stay with a guy who is very upfront about wanting to travel the world without her, whether she wants to be included or not? Is there a good reason she should stick with him? What would that reason be?
So what if I want to travel for a while. I already said that I would come back often. Whereas when you join the military you're told when you can and can't go home. Anyway I see no reason why I have to include her in everything I do. Jeez, let a man scratch his ass in privacy without being followed around. Next you'll be suggesting that she should be able to follow me into the bathroom.
So what if I want to travel for a while. I already said that I would come back often. Whereas when you join the military you're told when you can and can't go home. Anyway I see no reason why I have to include her in everything I do. Jeez, let a man scratch his ass in privacy without being followed around. Next you'll be suggesting that she should be able to follow me into the bathroom.
It doesn't sound like you want to be in a relationship with her - so I'm not sure what the problem is.
I didn't phrase that very well - but rather than edit it - I'll rephrase it here.
If the OP wants to travel alone and doesn't want his girlfriend with him at all - it's hard for me to understand why he would want to stay with her anyway. I love to travel. What would make traveling better? Having my husband with me. Having him to share it with me. If my boyfriend wanted to go to all these amazing places and did not want me with him - he would not be the right person for me. If he wants to do what he wants to do - and he doesn't want to do them with me - then it's not the right relationship for me.
Maybe I don't want my girlfriend in my business 24/7. How about that. That doesn't mean I don't want to be with her, it just means I'm not glued to her and I don't need her around every waking moment.
Maybe I don't want my girlfriend in my business 24/7. How about that.
It doesn't matter to me. I'm not your girlfriend. Obviously, your girlfriend isn't happy about this - but you don't care. Why not just break up with her? I mean - you don't seem very conflicted about any of this. Seems pretty cut and dry to me.
I'm putting in this possibly-oldfashioned POV, and then will duck before the darts start flying:
1. Forbidding someone to do something is out-of-line, if it isn't harming someone or infringing on someone else's rights;
2. If a person wants virtually everything he/she does to be a matter of catering to someone else, it's not an appropriate viewpoint when they are only 'in a relationship.'
I agree, but I, too, believe the OP possibly started this thread just to make a point and is trying to skew the conversation off-topic.
Travel is a huge dream for a lot of people and I think those who want to do it should do it before they become too "tied down," so to speak. I love traveling as well. But I would definitely want my boyfriend to come with me. He would enhance the experience, not detract from it. And he would never think to 'forbid' anything.
I don't blame her or you. I know several people who have made travelling, alone, their life obsession and in a couple of cases, their livelihood. They are either very rich - born to money - or very resourceful and even more stingy. They are all in their 60s. They have been travelling around the world for many, many years. They are all single and have no room in their lives for long-term romantic relationships.
If you want to travel alone, break up with your girlfriend and be single. This way, she can find someone who actually wants her around and you can do the traveling that you want to do without worrying about having a girl waiting for you.
Do you feel as though your GF really doesn't care about you?
Last edited by PJSaturn; 07-30-2015 at 03:50 PM..
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