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In your opinion, can living together be the end in itself?
Living together can absolutely be an end to itself. As could being with someone romantically but never living together or getting married, which is how many older people prefer it.
Yup, the "shelf life". In my situation, I don't think either one of us is looking for this relationship to be anything but for the rest of our lives. And I think that we fit well together because neither one of us has strong feelings about marriage being what commits us to each other. Obviously, this is a "to each their own" situation- I just mentioned my personal one in response to those who insist on seeing things in black and white.
Were either or both of you previously married and 40s+? I've seen this experienced here, no desire to marry, but still live together and join assets/POA/living will, etc., by those who were previously married once or twice before. This is how my mom feels, and a number of friends who are divorced after a long term first marriage or second marriage.
Were either or both of you previously married and 40s+? I've seen this experienced here, no desire to marry, but still live together and join assets/POA/living will, etc., by those who were previously married once or twice before. This is how my mom feels, and a number of friends who are divorced after a long term first marriage or second marriage.
Yup, exactly.
Though, in our case, I'd change it from "no desire to marry" to a "perhaps if the stars align in just the right way, we'll do it"
BTW, for any single women reading this, I would sincerely recommend NOT moving in together if you want to marry the man at some point. Living together kills the romance--I don't know why, but it does.
I agree with this. Not only does it kill the romance, but men are generally reluctant to get married. They like the idea of living together without having to commit. So living together completely takes away a man's incentive to want to get married. Men don't think like women do. Women often see living together as a stepping stone toward marriage. Men usually don't.
I agree with this. Not only does it kill the romance, but men are generally reluctant to get married. They like the idea of living together without having to commit. So living together completely takes away a man's incentive to want to get married. Men don't think like women do. Women often see living together as a stepping stone toward marriage. Men usually don't.
That doesnt make sense. You move in together either way - married or not. The romance only dies in one situation and not the other?
Why the artificial clock, why the hurry to get married?.
The clock isn't artificial. It's based on the reality that after about age 35, women's fertility drops like a rock. If this guy isn't it, she doesn't have a whole lot of time to find someone else if she wants to have a kid.....and most women want kids.
Moving in together is fine to do, but it sure takes the motivation out of the equation to get married. Move in together, have a kid, girlfriend waiting for proposal. Why would the guy propose? He's got everything he needs without a legal document.
The ONLY way to move in together, if marriage is a goal, is to set a time frame. Proposal in a year, or moving out. Few people have the backbone to do this.
I agree with all of this, especially the bolded. That's why it's best to not move in together in the first place if you want to get married. It's way too easy for one party to string the other along. Moving in together means it's much harder for the one being strung along to end the relationship.
Last edited by mysticaltyger; 08-18-2016 at 08:28 PM..
I agree with all of this, especially the bolded. That's why it's best to not move in together in the first place if you want to get married. It's way too easy for one party to strong the other along. Moving in together means it's much harder for the one being strung along to end the relationship.
At the same time, I would want to move in together pre-marriage to see how we'd do living together, but I do understand this side of the argument.
That doesnt make sense. You move in together either way - married or not. The romance only dies in one situation and not the other?
The romance aspect is less important to me than the idea that living together generally means less commitment. That's why men like it.
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