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Ask him what he expects life for the two of you to be like in two years. If the answer isn't married, he's not the guy for you. I would have an honest conversation with him, and say that you want to get married eventually and you suspect both of you want different things. If he really wants to marry you he will tell you that.
I never gave my husband an ultimatum, but I internally planned to move out if he hadn't of proposed by a certain date. I didn't put pressure on him. Men don't react well to pressure. We did have an honest discussion about our goals and desires in life.
Wow, this is weird. I thought that according to some, its mostly men that are seeking a great deal called marriage and women couldn't care less about it. Its odd Ive never seen a thread about a men pressuring his GF and dragging her to the altar. OP, i say you give him the ultimatum. If he is a quality guy, he'll buy you a ticket home and drop you off at the airport. I would.
I see it this way; you for all practical purposes already proposed to him, and he turned you down. So, move on. He's not that into you, or he has commitment issues. Either way, you don't need that in your life. It's over, OP. You can do better than this guy.
This. I've heard women say they've told their bf they want a proposal. That is proposing marriage, unless you're saying you won't necessarily marry him, you just want to hear it.
In fact, why don't you explicitly ask him? Just ask him. You want to marry him. You think - you hope - he wants to marry you. So ask him. If (we all hope) you have a long, happy marriage it'll just be a cute story you'll tell the grandkids. 'Actually, I asked him!'
It sounds like you need a straight yes or no answer. So ask him for one. Yes means yes, an answer <> 'Yes' = 'No'.
But you've mentioned it multiple times... it's nagging whether or not you see it that way. If he's going to marry you, it's going to be on his time frame, not yours. If you aren't down with that, leave...
If you want an exact number- i have mentioned marriage TWICE to him. Twice in three years. The first time was after 1.5 years in, just general talk about what our thoughts are etc. the second time was this past February when I asked him for a timeline and he didn't want to give me one, so we fought and had some serious conversations that lasted around three days, where I made clear what I want and expect. He then said that he doesn't want to rush things and doesn't want to feel pressured, but that it will happen soon. Ever since I haven't even mentioned it again, not even when my best friend godad engaged or when we were at the wedding of a good friend of him. Still don't see where this is nagging. What I do see though is that a person who really doesn't want to get married feels uncomfortable even at the slightest mentioning of marriage.
I never gave my husband an ultimatum, but I internally planned to move out if he hadn't of proposed by a certain date. I didn't put pressure on him. Men don't react well to pressure.
And, to be honest MOST people don't react well to pressure, regardless of gender.
But, to be honest, you only feel it as pressure if somebody is pushing for something you don't want. If it's something you want, too, you don't ordinarily feel pressured by the prospect. Feeling pressure is the beginning stages of the psychological fight or flight mechanism, it's an anxiety precursor, and typically means you're not in a situation you want to be in.
If you want an exact number- i have mentioned marriage TWICE to him. Twice in three years. The first time was after 1.5 years in, just general talk about what our thoughts are etc. the second time was this past February when I asked him for a timeline and he didn't want to give me one, so we fought and had some serious conversations that lasted around three days, where I made clear what I want and expect. He then said that he doesn't want to rush things and doesn't want to feel pressured, but that it will happen soon. Ever since I haven't even mentioned it again, not even when my best friend godad engaged or when we were at the wedding of a good friend of him. Still don't see where this is nagging. What I do see though is that a person who really doesn't want to get married feels uncomfortable even at the slightest mentioning of marriage.
Sit him down and tell him that you are ready to take this relationship to the next level. If he doesnt respond, leave him and find someone else. Its really pretty simple.
This. I've heard women say they've told their bf they want a proposal. That is proposing marriage, unless you're saying you won't necessarily marry him, you just want to hear it.
In fact, why don't you explicitly ask him? Just ask him. You want to marry him. You think - you hope - he wants to marry you. So ask him. If (we all hope) you have a long, happy marriage it'll just be a cute story you'll tell the grandkids. 'Actually, I asked him!'
It sounds like you need a straight yes or no answer. So ask him for one. Yes means yes, an answer <> 'Yes' = 'No'.
I don't even need a formal proposal, it's not even that common where I'm from. i'd be happy if he just brought it up and told me he wants to marry me and wanted to set a date and place. I have told him I want to marry him, he knows that already. I don't want to actually propose to him, I feel like it is his turn now to tell me when/if he's ready.
And, to be honest MOST people don't react well to pressure, regardless of gender.
But, to be honest, you only feel it as pressure if somebody is pushing for something you don't want. If it's something you want, too, you don't ordinarily feel pressured by the prospect. Feeling pressure is the beginning stages of the psychological fight or flight mechanism, it's an anxiety precursor, and typically means you're not in a situation you want to be in.
Exactly. With my ex, I felt like I had to tread carefully when talking about marriage - even after we were engaged. We had some fights and I was never left with a really happy feeling. With my husband, it was FUN to talk about our wedding and marriage! We were both excited about our future together.
That's not always the case. I kno several guys in their 30ies/40ies who have never been married and never want to get married because for them it's just a piece of paper and against their idea of life. And that's totally okay. But I know I couldn't be with someone with these believes.
It is the new normal.
Divorce is too easy. Men take a beating financially (usually) and many don't want to get married or have kids. This is in the US.
Marriage has become way too political.
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