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- Went on 4 dates with a girl several months ago
- After 4 dates, she was unwillling to kiss me
- I politely called things off that night, and she responded with a long e-mail saying I had taken her by surprise and that she was "confused"/didn't know how she felt
- I thought it was dumb and maintained my stance. I just told her that once she figured out what she wanted, she'd find someone and it wouldn't be so difficult
Since that happened, I've found out that after I ended things with her, she spent the next short while sobbing crying and feeling sorry for herself about her dating woes. This doesn't necessarily change my impression of that overall experience, mainly because I gave her an opportunity to tell me how she felt (after explaining how I felt) at the end of that 4th date and she decided to try and play coy instead, but it does make me wonder what people's expectations are for getting to know someone before stepping things up from the initial introductory stage.
So, this is a question about you: what are your expectations? How much time do you expect to be given to get to know someone before you're okay with advancing things beyond "Hi, my name is _____, let's eat food."? Similarly, how much time do you give someone else to get to know you before you walk away?
I think the trouble is that everyone is playing this game by rules they totally made up or formulated from experience, and no one is sharing those rules or communicating them to each other. It's very confusing. Her crying either means that she's hormonal/emotional/mental, or she's awfully confused about the right way to go about this, and/or she really liked you and is hurt by your rejection.
I've had things that built up slow and things that happened super fast. There's no rule. Hey I wonder if maybe she was like worried about her breath or something and that's why she was not willing to kiss you, but then she's too shy to admit it.
Wouldn't that be something? You are with a guy who makes your heart race and he comes in for a snog, and you're like "OMG I ATE GARLIC" so you dodge and try to cover with some BS about being "confused"...and then lose him. This would be a total chick thing to do, too.
It's too bad you don't know her Mom or her sister or her best friend. You could so find out what was up with that. I guarantee she's pouring her heart out to somebody.
IN a typical situation, if a date is not responding to my advances, I assume she isnt sexually attracted to me. In 99% of the cases, she has gone all the way on 1st or 2nd date before, so there is no reason to pretend otherwise.
It really depends on the person; however, I always assumed if a guy didn't go for the kiss at the end of what seemed to be a good first date, that he wasn't interested.
Of course, the whole subject of kssing on the first date has been debated to death on this forum, but that was my take on it.
IN a typical situation, if a date is not responding to my advances, I assume she isnt sexually attracted to me. In 99% of the cases, she has gone all the way on 1st or 2nd date before, so there is no reason to pretend otherwise.
Wow! That 1% that hasn't responded has to be tough!
- Went on 4 dates with a girl several months ago
- After 4 dates, she was unwillling to kiss me
- I politely called things off that night, and she responded with a long e-mail saying I had taken her by surprise and that she was "confused"/didn't know how she felt
- I thought it was dumb and maintained my stance. I just told her that once she figured out what she wanted, she'd find someone and it wouldn't be so difficult
Since that happened, I've found out that after I ended things with her, she spent the next short while sobbing crying and feeling sorry for herself about her dating woes. This doesn't necessarily change my impression of that overall experience, mainly because I gave her an opportunity to tell me how she felt (after explaining how I felt) at the end of that 4th date and she decided to try and play coy instead, but it does make me wonder what people's expectations are for getting to know someone before stepping things up from the initial introductory stage.
So, this is a question about you: what are your expectations? How much time do you expect to be given to get to know someone before you're okay with advancing things beyond "Hi, my name is _____, let's eat food."? Similarly, how much time do you give someone else to get to know you before you walk away?
Some people need more time, OP. It's not a big deal. You could have waited another couple of dates. oh well.
So when you all go on dates, there is a timeline in mind?
I guess I just kept dating different people (usually started out as friends) until things just happen to progress further or I just felt that friends are all we will be. I guess I simply wanted to have fun and let whatever happens... happen.
So when you all go on dates, there is a timeline in mind?
I guess I just kept dating different people (usually started out as friends) until things just happen to progress further or I just felt that friends are all we will be. I guess I simply wanted to have fun and let whatever happens... happen.
Some people have a "3rd date rule". The OP has a 4th date rule, I guess.
Depends on the person, the connection, the amount of time we spend together on the dates. No hard and fast rules. If I don't feel the desire to share a kiss by around the 3rd date I would stop dating generally. If I can't IMAGINE kissing them, I won't even go on the first date. Attraction is a must.
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