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Hey I have one for you. Last year a woman started a thread named "Deal Breakers That You Have That Most People Don't" check it out and have a laugh. Some of the postings are incredible.
Give it 5-10 years and watch this ridiculous list shrink. Do you understand what "dealbreaker" means?
I sure do. It means "I would rather be alone than deal with that." Did you read the things on that list, or just look at it and say, "Man that's a lot of words!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by VanHalen5150
His list, while long, isnt terribly unrealistic...
I don't think it is. Also, I'm female. And according to my ex, that is also why I'm allowed to have all the dealbreakers I want, because females have more options. Whatever.
I can't think of any deal breakers. Junkie or judge or anything in between. It doesn't matter to me.
I don't look at a date as anything more than a date. Maybe it will lead to some sort of relationship but that is never my reason for a date. It is only to have fun that evening or afternoon or even some mornings.
I might have cared 40 years ago but now I realize that life isn't a dress rehearsal. Go out and have fun!
i dont ask for tolerance of my shortcomings. i ask for the ability to overcome them.
people that ask me to tolerate their shortcomings almost always are intolerant of others.
Last edited by Huckleberry3911948; 07-31-2015 at 01:52 PM..
My dealbreakers that don't really need context or explaining are the no-brainer obvious ones that have to do with addictions issues and abuse. Pretty standard.
My less standard, more considered-as-odd-by-some dealbreaker that raises eyebrows are that I will not willingly enter into a serious relationship with someone who has a negative, dysfunctional family, even if that person claims to be estranged from said family. I learned this the hard way, when dealing with long-term fallout, abuse, and crap treatment from a terribly dysfunctional family of an S.O. I knew entering into the relationship that my SO knew the family was toxic, and had purposely put physical, geographical, and emotional distance between himself and them, which was the only reason I cautiously entered into anything with him. Unfortunately, he did end up being manipulated into letting them back into his life, with disastrous consequences. I also come from a close, warm, tightly knit family, and my experience is that this creates problems when with somebody for whom that's not the case, who can't relate, and who feels uncomfortable around such families. I come from a great family, and having that shared background is critical to me.
Give it 5-10 years and watch this ridiculous list shrink. Do you understand what "dealbreaker" means?
How about it!
That just sounds like a list of "people I find annoying" than a legitimate dealbreaker.
Trust me -- you meet a guy who is great and you have amazing chemistry with and can actually TALK to about deep things and you will absolutely not care if he does CrossFit or makes you a smoothie once in a while. On the other hand, you will care if this absolutely amazing guy can't stand children at all and will either treat your kids poorly or if you don't want kids and want them, will be opposed to them then that's going to be a problem.
I would say my deal breakers are just - not having integrity. I have dated guys or have had friends who have said a lot of things and talked a huge game, but their actions were totally opposite. The way some of those folks could just lie to your face and not bat an eye was frightening. It made me really value integrity in other people.
I've recently discovered a dealbreaker, and that is people who get too drunk they get out of control. I'm a drinker and we frequently have people over on weekends but it never gets out of hand. Except for two times, and both times just happened within the past two months. Y'all have heard the story about my best friend who face-planted into my sliding glass door and almost died. Last Friday, my husband's good friend punched him in the face. Both are banned from our property and we are no longer friends.
That just sounds like a list of "people I find annoying" than a legitimate dealbreaker.
Trust me -- you meet a guy who is great and you have amazing chemistry with and can actually TALK to about deep things and you will absolutely not care if he does CrossFit or makes you a smoothie once in a while. On the other hand, you will care if this absolutely amazing guy can't stand children at all and will either treat your kids poorly or if you don't want kids and want them, will be opposed to them.
You know I'm talking about the ones for whom these things are a HUGE part of their lives that they crusade nonstop about, right? I mean, I've got my stuff I talk about a lot that isn't for everyone. And I would never blame a man for saying to me, "Look. I know this whole GWAR thing, it's a big deal to you, but I don't want to hear about it, it offends me, so we're not a good match. Sorry." Well, that's a great big part of my life, so I would have to concede that we just weren't a good fit. Likewise, there are things that I just don't want to deal with. When I say I'd rather be alone, it's that much of a dealbreaker, well, it is. If it's that huge to them. If it's just a thing they do, then that's different.
I'm talking about people who are neurotic about things and those things are offputting to another. It could go both ways. I don't expect to change a person or to have them demand that I change completely for them either.
Also, why would I want to be with someone that I find annoying? THAT is a dealbreaker! I don't go out with people to be annoyed! If they annoy me, then I do not think we have "amazing chemistry."
And I'm trying to understand your point about kids, but failing...
He won't be treating my kids like anything. My ex is keeping main custody of our teenage sons, I'm moving out, and they don't need a Stepdad. I don't want to raise more kids. To that end, I have had my tubes tied. I won't be getting pregnant. I am DONE. If a man really wants a Mother for his present or future children, he'd be barking up the wrong tree here.
Oh, and my long list isn't difficult, to find someone who meets those criteria. Actually. I mean, I've got a guy I'm dating, an occasional (but very passionate) lover, and a FWB, and a few more I'm talking to on OKC that could maybe turn into dates, including a gorgous woman and a couple of men. All of them meet every criteria, or rather, DON'T get ruled out by any of them. You get the idea.
If my list were truly that outrageous, you'd think I'd have a harder time finding compatible people...
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