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At any age, there should be some sort of physical attraction, right? I feel shallow asking the question but I don't want to settle for someone because he is a good person with a good job- I can have friends like that. Isn't there more to it when you choose who to date?
I totally agree. Attraction to me is very important.
It's an interesting question for me because I don't know that I have a "physical type" so to speak. I know what I don't like physically, but beyond that, I am pretty open when it comes to looks so long as the personality and chemistry work for me. Aside from those physical "dislikes" it's more like the personalty of that person makes or breaks if they "look good" to me physically.
It's an interesting question for me because I don't know that I have a "physical type" so to speak. I know what I don't like physically, but beyond that, I am pretty open when it comes to looks so long as the personality and chemistry work for me. Aside from those physical "dislikes" it's more like the personalty of that person makes or breaks if they "look good" to me physically.
I was thinking similarly, that I don't have a type so narrowly defined, and maybe that is the problem for some, only going for a certain look. But there is also a vast difference between someone who catches my eye and being attracted to them overall, as attraction goes beyond the outer layer.
I don't think people should "settle", but also have realistic expectations. Chemistry and attractiveness are things that can be a slow burn and usually when something is fast and furious, there's a bit of a con to it all so it can go south as quickly as it begins.
It's an interesting question for me because I don't know that I have a "physical type" so to speak. I know what I don't like physically, but beyond that, I am pretty open when it comes to looks so long as the personality and chemistry work for me. Aside from those physical "dislikes" it's more like the personalty of that person makes or breaks if they "look good" to me physically.
I'm the same way. I think we are the lucky ones. I don't know if this is something you can control but I think it makes dating and relationships a lot easier.
In terms of the OP - do you mean settling in terms of having a relationship with someone you aren't attracted to or do you mean settling in terms of agreeing to go out on a date with someone whose picture you don't find attractive right off the bat? If it's the former - I wouldn't do it. If it's the latter - why not?
I think if you get to a point where you feel that having a relationship with a good person is preferable to spending your life alone while you look for someone who's your "physical type", you'll settle. I haven't gotten to that point yet myself but I may get there eventually.
To each their own. However, I personally would rather be alone for the rest of my life than be with a woman that didn't 100% turn me on. Again, been there, done that. What's interesting is that when I was younger & less sure of what I wanted, I did "settle". Now that I'm older & presumably should be more interested in settling down, I am actually much pickier & non-compromising when it comes to these things. Of course, I'm not into LTR's anymore, which helps. I'm also a lot happier than when I was younger
I think that this circles around again to the same concept that makes dating a pain in the rear...or the time of your life...or both.
You set all of these conditions and expectations, talk about what you are looking for and what you like. Work over your brain as though you're inputting parameters into some imaginary mate-making program and click it all into your online dating profile or at least have this comprehensive checklist in your head. Then rub your hands together and wait for the universe to deliver up Mr. Right.
And then something comes along, crashing like a rhinoceros into a plate glass window, and all of your assumptions fly into a million pieces. When it comes to people, love, relationships, anything can happen. I think we're just along for the ride sometimes.
Again, with my own example, I had one date that I was profoundly unsure of. He spoke well. He had his life together. But he was, if anything, the opposite of my "type." Well, almost, he wasn't a 20 year old athelete who listened to country music and had a house full of dogs, so I guess he could have been more opposite. But I thought I was looking for a man who was within a couple years of my own age, with long hair and tattoos and piercings, who played guitar and would happily attend heavy metal concerts with me. What I found was a man 48 years older, who is quite unremarkable looking, rather nerdy actually, in a sort of nearly middle aged kind of way...short hair, no ink or piercings...though he did used to front a band some years back. He does not like my favorite band and he won't be going to see them with me. When I first laid eyes on him, I was thinking, "Yeah...probably not. I should extricate myself from this. I'm not very attracted to this man." But he made little comments and gestures that intrigued me, and lured me, and eventually captivated me. I'm not saying it has worked out well, and in fact I'm not sure how it will eventually work out at all, but what I have enjoyed of him has been really stupendously awesome. If time and patience delivers me a relationship of any duration with this one, I'll be completely thrilled. I would do, or be, anything for him. How did that happen? Not only is he not my type, he makes me want a kind of relationship I didn't think I wanted. When we first met, I couldn't imagine being intimate with him and now it's pretty much all I can imagine most of the time. The whole thing blindsided me.
I think sometimes, that's just how it goes...
But I also think we need to have our minimum requirements. Our dealbreakers that we stick to no matter what. Just don't get too hung up on a "type."
For me attraction is stricly physical. The only way that a woman becomes more or less attractive in my eyes is if her physical appearance changes either for better or worse. No other factors afect attractiveness in my eyes. No attractiveness would make it impossible for a seroius relationship because the chemistry would be hindered
I'm the same way. I think we are the lucky ones. I don't know if this is something you can control but I think it makes dating and relationships a lot easier.
In terms of the OP - do you mean settling in terms of having a relationship with someone you aren't attracted to or do you mean settling in terms of agreeing to go out on a date with someone whose picture you don't find attractive right off the bat? If it's the former - I wouldn't do it. If it's the latter - why not?
I am actually like you guys. I don't have a "type" I have a preference for short men, but I won't rule someone out just because they are tall as an example.
Why not go out with someone who's picture doesn't look good? Because they will likely look "even worse" in person. They know how to hide bad teeth, etc. I would prefer to email for awhile, I find chemistry can develop for me emailing, talking on the phone etc. before meeting as I am slow until I have decided I really like the person. I want to know them as a person. Everyone is in such a hurry (myself included on some things, but I find this to be a mistake so I am learning patience) these days. I'm ok to let chemistry develop but if it's barely there to begin with or the person is not what necessarily I'm looking for, I'm not going to pursue them. (see my other thread about men who ask you to text them)
I think men don't understand the effort it takes to date, the getting ready and the fact I do work full time besides and I do have other dates and friends etc.
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