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Are men these days so afraid of rejection they can't pursue a woman? This request makes me think they are looking for me to boost their ego and they don't want to be patient or put an effort into dating. If we barely know each other (one date) , for example, I'm not going to check in with you. Too much contact is unnecessary at this stage. If I am busy when you ask me for a date (again, after one date, sometimes before one date!) I'm not going to seek you out next time because you took it personal that I was busy, just because you ask me to. (Or worse if you cancel the date, and I am understanding enough to be cool about it but happen to be busy when you go to reschedule)
I was told once by a good friend , a male whom I trust, that if a man likes a woman he will pursue her. Is this not true in 2015?
It goes both ways, sister. I'm not going to keep putting myself out there if you don't come back, sooner than later, and let me know you're interested as well. This isn't going to be a one sided courtship.
There are too many cool, intelligent, have their crap together women that aren't afraid to let a guy know after a date or two (or even earlier) that they're into you and want to see you again. And that feels really good.
What doesn't feel good is when I have to be the one to always make dates happen.
And yeah, if you turn me down for a date if you're busy, it is pretty darn unlikely I'm going to try again. It's now on you to tell me you'd like to go out again. If you're unwilling to step up and be an adult and communicate something basic like this, your loss.
It goes both ways, sister. I'm not going to keep putting myself out there if you don't come back, sooner than later, and let me know you're interested as well. This isn't going to be a one sided courtship.
There are too many cool, intelligent, have their crap together women that aren't afraid to let a guy know after a date or two (or even earlier) that they're into you and want to see you again. And that feels really good.
What doesn't feel good is when I have to be the one to always make dates happen.
And yeah, if you turn me down for a date if you're busy, it is pretty darn unlikely I'm going to try again. It's now on you to tell me you'd like to go out again. If you're unwilling to step up and be an adult and communicate something basic like this, your loss.
This is a good point and I am the same way. If you really are busy at that time a guy asks you out but you want to see him, what harm is it in saying, I am busy at the time, but how about this time? if you just keep saying you are busy, then that is pretty much just saying I don't want to go out with you, and the guy should just move on and try to find someone else.
Yes, I agree maybe I should simply suggest another specific time during the conversation when this comes up. But what about the ones who want you to check in - isn't that a bit much?
If you mean communicate a little between dates, I would hope that would occur. It would be unnatural, and unnerving, to just only communicate about setting up a next date and nothing else between dates. It doesn't need to be constant, or every day, but I wouldn't have a good feeling about trying to pursue something with someone I only speak to when we're actually on dates. That isn't a way to build a dialogue in my book.
It goes both ways, sister. I'm not going to keep putting myself out there if you don't come back, sooner than later, and let me know you're interested as well. This isn't going to be a one sided courtship.
There are too many cool, intelligent, have their crap together women that aren't afraid to let a guy know after a date or two (or even earlier) that they're into you and want to see you again. And that feels really good.
What doesn't feel good is when I have to be the one to always make dates happen.
And yeah, if you turn me down for a date if you're busy, it is pretty darn unlikely I'm going to try again. It's now on you to tell me you'd like to go out again. If you're unwilling to step up and be an adult and communicate something basic like this, your loss.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mustelid1971
What do you mean by "check in"?
If you mean communicate a little between dates, I would hope that would occur. It would be unnatural, and unnerving, to just only communicate about setting up a next date and nothing else between dates. It doesn't need to be constant, or every day, but I wouldn't have a good feeling about trying to pursue something with someone I only speak to when we're actually on dates. That isn't a way to build a dialogue in my book.
Pretty much wholeheartedly agree with everything written here.
Are men these days so afraid of rejection they can't pursue a woman? This request makes me think they are looking for me to boost their ego and they don't want to be patient or put an effort into dating. If we barely know each other (one date) , for example, I'm not going to check in with you. Too much contact is unnecessary at this stage. If I am busy when you ask me for a date (again, after one date, sometimes before one date!) I'm not going to seek you out next time because you took it personal that I was busy, just because you ask me to. (Or worse if you cancel the date, and I am understanding enough to be cool about it but happen to be busy when you go to reschedule)
I was told once by a good friend , a male whom I trust, that if a man likes a woman he will pursue her. Is this not true in 2015?
Like you said, it is 2015 so I am not sure why women are still too afraid of rejection and rather leave it all to the guy. Yes, there may be that possibility of a guy that wants a boost to his ego but maybe that guy is thinking the same thing about you but not wanting to put the effort to also contact him. Like someone else, these things go both ways.
If a girl cancels a date on me I would expect her to AT LEAST tell me when we can try again. If not I'll take it that she is not interested. What a difference it is for a girl to answer "I am sorry but I had to take my mom to the hospital. We won't be able to meet today...hey! how about tomorrow at X time?" A woman that doesn't pursue me or puts some kind of effort sends me the message that I shouldn't even bother and I have to respect her decision and move on.
Are men these days so afraid of rejection they can't pursue a woman? This request makes me think they are looking for me to boost their ego and they don't want to be patient or put an effort into dating. If we barely know each other (one date) , for example, I'm not going to check in with you. Too much contact is unnecessary at this stage. If I am busy when you ask me for a date (again, after one date, sometimes before one date!) I'm not going to seek you out next time because you took it personal that I was busy, just because you ask me to. (Or worse if you cancel the date, and I am understanding enough to be cool about it but happen to be busy when you go to reschedule)
I was told once by a good friend , a male whom I trust, that if a man likes a woman he will pursue her. Is this not true in 2015?
Well my good lady, I am not in the dating world but as I a man all I can say from what I usually read and hear is that dating has become so hard nowadays that a lot of men have given up. I don't think men fear rejection, they just don't like it. Why pursue a woman just to get shot down, if there are no signs of the possibility of success then why bother? As I man that is all I can think of. Nowadays we live in a very harsh society and people will sue you at the drop of a hat. I have heard men told me that they don't even bother talking to women because they are likely to get acussed of sexual harrasment or stalking.
The world has changed and men no longer pursue women the old fashioned way. It's not due to fear of rejection either, but a change in cultural attitudes and social expectations by both genders.
I get how things go both ways. The example I gave, the guy canceled on me. Then suggested a night I was busy. I'm not wanting to reach out to men period which I reluctantly admit I may have to get over. But if he cancels on me then asks for another night I happen to be busy- no way am I texting him. Why cancel if you are really concerned about the impression you are going to make? (A first date, no less)
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