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My whole life, I've always been taught to seek the best and go for the best. My parents raised me to have very high expectations of myself and make sure I do everything in my power to get there. On the positive side, this has helped me be a relentless self-improver where I want to get better every single day and always strive for the best. The problem is that this carried over to dating to where I want a good all around woman (in terms of both physical appearance and character). Well, finding a woman I feel any attraction to who likes me seems to be an impossible task.
So how do you train yourself to just be happy with an average looking chubby woman? I've met a few like that who were just wonderful people but I could not do anything with them because I felt no physical attraction to them whatsoever. How does one grow attraction to someone he's not attracted to whatsoever initially?
I really liked the advice that someone gave you to start participating in other people's threads and exercising your empathy, rather than continuing to focus on yourself.
I really liked the advice that someone gave you to start participating in other people's threads and exercising your empathy, rather than continuing to focus on yourself.
I don't know who said that
but me participating in other people's threads about dating is about the equivalent of a poor man trying to comment on world finance, lol. I have zero dating experience whatsoever
Don't get me wrong, I love exercising my empathy but it's gotta be on subject matters that I know a lot about where my input has some value.
As Dirty Harry would say.... " a man's got to know his limitations"!
It's become quite apparent ( from all your threads) that women don't share the high opinion that you have of self.
It's like getting punched in the face every time you walk though a door, but you keep walking though it just the same..knowing that the outcome will be the same as the last time. I am beginning to think that you just like getting punched in the face.
Nothing says you have to pair up with a chubby woman. I'm guessing that if you get around, you'll find someone you're attracted to. But that's assuming that you're a terrific package yourself. There's nothing in your post that implies that you're anything special and, if anything, so far you've sounded very superficial. If you say you've had zero dating experience, to me that means you haven't been trying very hard.
Keep in mind, though, that attraction often grows, even it's not there initially. So maybe if you get chummy with someone who is a great person, with average looks, you may become more attracted to her...and then even discover that she may embark on a makeover at some point. It's one of the few advantages women have.
My whole life, I've always been taught to seek the best and go for the best. My parents raised me to have very high expectations of myself and make sure I do everything in my power to get there. On the positive side, this has helped me be a relentless self-improver where I want to get better every single day and always strive for the best. The problem is that this carried over to dating to where I want a good all around woman (in terms of both physical appearance and character). Well, finding a woman I feel any attraction to who likes me seems to be an impossible task.
So how do you train yourself to just be happy with an average looking chubby woman? I've met a few like that who were just wonderful people but I could not do anything with them because I felt no physical attraction to them whatsoever. How does one grow attraction to someone he's not attracted to whatsoever initially?
I think I'm gonna suggest a Valium when you go out to meet women.
You lack self confidence when it comes to approaching members of the opposite sex. You really do not know whether or not you could date a girl that is more in line with your standards because you have a crippling fear of actually asking these women out and interacting with them outside casual/friendly encounters. I have met men that are quite a good bit less attractive than the pics you've posted and they have jobs making less money... they have wives and girlfriends and many of these women are relatively attractive and relatively in shape.
Ergo, a guy who looks fairly good and makes a decent living should be able to attract a similar woman if he could get over the fear of talking to them. Good-looking 20-something females are NOT going to chase after you unless you're Chris Hemsworth or something. Let's be serious. They do not need to. Plenty of guys are already interested in them. Which is why you think that these 'less than ideal' women are your only option. They may well take more initiative meeting guys because they aren't beating men off with a flyswatter and while they are very likely to be getting some offers, anyway.... you may be a more appealing alternative, so they are willing to talk to you... make sense?
Soo... why not fix your extreme anxiety over women instead of trying to just like women that you clearly aren't interested in? You will ultimately fail with most of them, too, because they will eventually pick up on the fact that you are settling for them and think you deserve better and they'll just look for guys who actually WANT to date them. And, you'll be alone again.
FIX YOUR ANXIETY.
__________________
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The women you describe/aspire to and the friends you keep don't seem to fit this high expectation.
you mean my best friend who made 3 million last year who was one of the greatest linebackers in state history who is jacked/good looking/charismatic as hell is not aspiring to make the best of himself?
Nothing says you have to pair up with a chubby woman. I'm guessing that if you get around, you'll find someone you're attracted to. But that's assuming that you're a terrific package yourself. There's nothing in your post that implies that you're anything special and, if anything, so far you've sounded very superficial. If you say you've had zero dating experience, to me that means you haven't been trying very hard.
Keep in mind, though, that attraction often grows, even it's not there initially. So maybe if you get chummy with someone who is a great person, with average looks, you may become more attracted to her...and then even discover that she may embark on a makeover at some point. It's one of the few advantages women have.
let me ask you an honest question
if I'm not at least a pretty decent package, how is it possible that extremely good looking gay men have approached me/asked me out/said I was gorgeous in real life? Gay men have tons of options similar to women. Why would they do that?
I think I'm gonna suggest a Valium when you go out to meet women.
You lack self confidence when it comes to approaching members of the opposite sex. You really do not know whether or not you could date a girl that is more in line with your standards because you have a crippling fear of actually asking these women out and interacting with them outside casual/friendly encounters. I have met men that are quite a good bit less attractive than the pics you've posted and they have jobs making less money... they have wives and girlfriends and many of these women are relatively attractive and relatively in shape.
Ergo, a guy who looks fairly good and makes a decent living should be able to attract a similar woman if he could get over the fear of talking to them. Good-looking 20-something females are NOT going to chase after you unless you're Chris Hemsworth or something. Let's be serious. They do not need to. Plenty of guys are already interested in them. Which is why you think that these 'less than ideal' women are your only option. They may well take more initiative meeting guys because they aren't beating men off with a flyswatter and while they are very likely to be getting some offers, anyway.... you may be a more appealing alternative, so they are willing to talk to you... make sense?
Soo... why not fix your extreme anxiety over women instead of trying to just like women that you clearly aren't interested in? You will ultimately fail with most of them, too, because they will eventually pick up on the fact that you are settling for them and think you deserve better and they'll just look for guys who actually WANT to date them. And, you'll be alone again.
FIX YOUR ANXIETY.
yes this post makes perfect sense
You really think that If I was more confident, I would be able to get a woman of similar attractiveness to myself?
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